Hang On, Help is on the...Way?

 Anyone in their late thirties or older probably remembers the song I used for the title of this post. It was recorded by the Australian group, Little River Band, and was a big hit back in the 1970's. I was probably six or seven when the song was released. This week the whole theme of helping people went very deep for me. One of my greatest joys in life is to help others. I live for it. I believe my main purpose in life is to do just that. Sometimes though helping people is another person's call. And when the help that is so innocent and needed gets interfered with and shot down I can feel the inner portion of my being wince in pain. You ever feel like that? I hate that feeling. A lot of us work so hard to bring change and make a difference. Most of us have an innate desire to help our fellow man. One thing I have figured out though is not everything has to be planned out. Not every call to action to lend a hand needs a process. People are hanging on. Is help really on the way?

 Churches, schools and non-profit organizations need help. Everywhere in this world there are organizations and people who are desperate for help. I bet there is not a person alive today who has not either received or given a helping hand. In fact, I bet we all have done both many times. I think today though help is becoming harder to give when tied in with an organization. The thing that really gets me deep is, why does helping people have to be so hard? I am an action person. I see a need and I find a way to help. It's just what I do. I am sure a lot of you do too. It is great to see it in action. The problem is some people can't see past processes. These shortcomings can sometimes thwart needed help. I can't figure out why. These processes, while made with good intentions, sometimes let the innocent down. Maybe some of you think they protect. I am sure we could debate it all night. When children are negatively affected as a result you definitely have my attention. They are not to be messed with. They are not to be overlooked and passed over. And when they are I have a big problem with that.

 I understand processes are put in place because you can't nor shouldn't have chaos. Yes, I am an order kind of a guy (to a point) and can comprehend this notion. Power can be abused and so people need to know that they cannot just have carte blanche to do whatever. I am not saying people should be given a license to roll that way. However, we all have platforms we can use in our lives to help others. It looks different for each of us but nonetheless we all have them. My platforms are more community driven. I am the head of a particular organization in the community in which I live and I coach team sports. My reason for getting involved was to help and give back. I have to level with you though, the more I see deeper into organizations the more I wonder how anyone gets anything done. We can accomplish things all day long but are things really getting done? Processes are bunging things up. People who throw their authority around because they are afraid they will lose control are not helping. They are hurting. And they continue to blindly do so never seeing what is really important. They miss opportunity after opportunity and they don't even know it.

 You all are probably wondering what I am talking about. Part of the whole reason I started this blog was to speak to injustice. It is pervasive in our world. There are injustices everywhere. I experienced one this week. It was not on a grand level but enough to tweak me a whole lot. When you experience it yourself you take it more personal. I read a story in our local paper that brought joy to my heart. The first thing I wondered was how I could help. I got excited. That's a lot of us. We see something and ponder how we can help. I initiated an e-mail (following a process) and couldn't wait to see the help come to fruition. Unfortunately the help was shot down because of a technicality and a distorted view of authority. We could have helped. No one will ever convince me otherwise. All of us believe in something. Each of us, deep down to our core, wants to see our world made better. Helping others is truly awesome. It can inspire you to do more and inspire others to join. There are far more positives than there are negatives. I would even intimate there is not one single negative. There are just people. And unfortunately some are getting in the way of progress.

  I think what you may start to see is people forming their own "help" groups. Neighborhoods and communities banding together to get things done. I bet we would see more progress. There is no red tape and no egos. Rather there are people who just want to bring change. I don't know about you but I am not interested in the status quo. I don't want to be part of any organization that does things, and only does those things, because that is what they have always done. Change won't happen that way. People will not be helped. I am not here to kiss anyone's backside and neither should you. Lives won't be altered for the better with that in mind. I think this experience has inspired me to really do some serious contemplation. Maybe all of this is supposed to happen for reasons I don't yet understand. That excites me! Maybe I am supposed to feel what I feel when helping people is made so difficult. The more I see the internal workings of some organizations the more I feel the need to start my own. Everything in due time. For now, I will use whatever my platforms are to lend a helping hand. We all should do as such. The time to help is now. Remember, it's about the dash!

A Breakthrough to Greatness

  She was tired of the predictability. The thought of having one more conversation and debate about what style doorknob to use made her head spin. There had to be something more to life. The world of architecture excited her but there had to be more. She was given a talent, a very creative one, and was looking for a way to use it in a way that would allow others to discover inventiveness of their own. Emily Pilloton talked about her creative passion at a luncheon I recently attended. She was inspiring to listen to. The passion she spoke with was infectious. Hearing Emily's talk brought a lot of things to my mind. The world around her was dictating how and when she moved. However, she wanted to create her own path. Whether she succeeded or failed Emily was going to give it everything she had. Creating your own non-profit is not easy. I would not have thought otherwise. The cliche of thinking outside of the box has come and gone. Emily was breaking the box and the lives of many would change course. There are lots of good people in this world. Many are stepping into greatness and a box will not hold them back.

  Hearing talks like this are right up my alley. I love hearing how people decide to take control of their God-given talent and use it in ways they determine. She had a mission and a vision and decided it was go-time. She had been following someone else's vision all the while using her gifts and talents. That is okay for a time--especially when you are learning. However, the time had come for that to change. People like Emily aren't sitting around waiting for someone to hand something to them. They are going after it themselves. As my dad used to say, "They are taking the bull by the horns." Yes, that may be a worn out cliche but it is right on the money. The road was not easy either. Roadblocks, in the form of other people, often find their way to our path. If you are like Emily roadblocks get busted. Her spunk is contagious. Her passion to obliterate the box is attractive and gutsy. Great people have that zest to see change. And there is not a box big enough to keep them from moving ahead.

  Many of us live our lives wanting things done for us. We want to be comforted and taken care of. While on the surface this may not be dangerous I believe that these characteristics distract us from our purpose. These traits take away our passion and cause us to lose sight of what our talents can bring to others. Innovators like Emily exist everywhere in our world. There are people who are amazingly gifted and talented. Great people are everywhere and the world is being changed little by little. And yet there are many who are too preoccupied to understand the intensity of their own gifting. Sometimes I think we don't pay attention to things that really grate on us. Now, I am not talking about the person in front of you that actually drives the speed limit or the retail store that never seems to have enough people working. I mean the real things in life that matter. Maybe you should keep track of them. Write them down. That is a place to start. Your talents are dying to bring change. Greatness is inside each one of us. We are all an Emily. What are we waiting for? Invitations won't be arriving in the mailbox.

  Sometimes we allow the factors of life to control us rather than the other way around. As a person of faith I give the wheel to the One who loves me and wants me to use the gifts He gave. Who is calling the shots for you? We are all at different points. The key really is not where you are but rather what you are doing about where you are. Right now my wife is going to school to achieve her undergraduate degree. Greatness is happening in her life. She busted through the box. Were there roadblocks? You bet. Don't think for one minute that greatness does not come with a price. I am here to support her and our family and help all of us achieve our goals. Greatness is happening in my life as I support her. The key point is that greatness is a matter of letting go of fear. What's there to really be afraid of? For me the only thing to be afraid of is not trying at all. The box needs a beating. Life is not to be lived in a sedentary state. Only the box stands still.

  Emily Pilloton has reached greatness. Maybe you have reached it yourself. Congratulations to you!Remember as you travel on the path to greatness that you were born for this. You were meant to be a teacher, architect, engineer, singer, lawyer, doctor, artist, blogger, writer/author, business owner, non-profit leader, scientist, pastor, facility manager, store manager, plumber, salesperson...and the people you have encountered along the way needed you. Maybe they still do today. Your greatness is about them. It is not about self-aggrandizement. Greatness is not found in the puffing up of our own achievements. We can't be so concerned with our own success that we lose sight of the reason we were given the gifts we have. There is no honor in that. Anyone can do that. That is the easy way. It is about making a difference for others. You don't need to start a non-profit but get in the game. Participate in your life. I want you to break the box, shred it into pieces and find your greatness. Remember, it's about the dash!

Starting Doesn't Require Society's Blessing

  Now that 2012 is here we are bombarded with advertisements for Weight Watchers and gym memberships and other "get in shape, eat better" endorsements. While I don't have a problem with people advertising their business, I do ponder one point in particular. Why do we, the consumer/customer/goal-seeker, wait until the New Year to start something new? For some they like starting fresh with month one. Others may have fallen off their exercise and eating routines during the Holidays so it is a perfect time to turn it around. The advertisers know it and they reel us in. And we are easy prey. Still, do we have to wait until the calendar hits January 1 to start something new? I would intimate that we do not. Starting something has its own unique feel to it. It has its own set of characteristics. If we own it then we start it when it needs to begin. Somehow I think it means more to us when we do it in our own time. I know it does me.

  Listen, I have nothing against people wanting to be fit or eat better. My gym is full of people trying hard. I think those are great goals provided they are specific, measurable and you have someone to hold you to them. When I hear people want to change something or work on an area of their life I get excited. I am fired up for them. Somehow though in the back of our minds there may be some doubt. Do we really think the person will stick with it? Do we think we will stick with it? Well, statistically we don't stick with it. According to my research twenty-five percent of people will bail on their new goals/resolutions within the first week of the year and an additional eleven percent will bolt by the end of January. So, thirty-six percent of people don't make it through the first month! I find that staggering in one sense and not surprising in another. It is staggering because that is an awful lot of people throwing in the towel. It does not surprise me because people jump in and go full boar without understanding that Rome was not built in a day. Your body is no different.

 Starting something should not always require the calendar to be at month one. I have friends and family who have started things in mid-year or late in the year. They have done it quietly and with excellence. I applaud them just as much as I applaud those who start something in the beginning of the year. The point is we can start something anytime. Society can tell us when, how, or where. However, we can decide not to pay attention. Make that a goal! I think we start new things in January because we are conditioned to do so. Perhaps we have a fixation on the number one as if counting from two or seven taints the accomplishment. It doesn't and it won't. Society says this is the time to get control of your finances or get in shape or eat better or whatever. Not really, folks. What if we just lived our lives with consistency. Yeah, it is a tough world out there. So many things are vying for our time, energy and money. None of us will do everything well. I get it. We will always have areas to work on. Trust me I know.

 My big point in all of this is don't set your goals based on the fact that everyone else is setting them. If you normally set them at the beginning of the year then great. Keep doing it. Maybe you run on the July to June schedule like some companies do. Great! Set your goals that way. Maybe April will come and you decide you want to revamp your financial situation. Perfect. There is not a better time to begin then the one you own and choose. A word of caution however. We can say we will start something new tomorrow and then three months later we are still saying it. That is not good and you will never reach the uniqueness and destiny the Creator has for you with that approach. Pick a date and a subject and you are off and running. Surround yourself with people who will challenge you, not with people who will tell you what you want to hear. It won't end well if people are not put in place to cover all of the bases. Plot your course, know where you are, know where are you going and then ease yourself into it. Don't throw yourself into it. You will be better off. You will be a positive statistic.

 The bottom line is I want to see people make changes in their life. I want to see the drug addict kick the habit. I want the person who wants to lose 20 pounds to drop the weight (and keep it off). I rejoice with the person who decides they want to take control of their finances instead of the other way around. I am for you, whoever you are. I am for you whatever your goal is. Simply I am offering a different approach to how you go after the change you so desperately want. You don't need a one on the calendar to give you the necessary motivation. Change can happen any day, anytime and anywhere. Your goals are attainable no matter when you start. Goals are hard enough. Pressure can be good and bad. Some of us are good under pressure and some are not. Take your time and be purposeful in what you do. Make your minutes and hours count. Start at your own beginning. Remember, it's about the dash!

Hope For the Hopeless

   When I was in school students used to refer to some of their "loser" classmates as lost causes. Perhaps you remember too. Maybe you were one of the ridiculed. Students, and unfortunately sometimes teachers, used to say that certain kids were a hopeless cause. Sometimes to their face other times behind their backs. It makes no difference though. It happened in our neighborhoods too. This must have been hard for all of those kids to hear such vitriol. Sure, maybe they did not have it all together. I guess I was a lost cause too because I don't think I had it all together by age 13! I escaped the branding but others close to me did not. Too many times words are spoken and people believe a lie about themselves. Often we go on believing we are a hopeless and a lost cause because it was spoken over us. There is always hope though. However, we listen to the voices that tell us lies. And we believe what they say. But hope springs eternal.

  This past week I finished a book that really stimulated this hope for the hopeless topic. It is the story of Josh Hamilton and his comeback from extreme drug abuse. He is the current major league ballplayer who plays baseball for the Texas Rangers. And he is my hero. He was the can't miss high school baseball phenom. Loaded with talent people said he was the next Mickey Mantle. He could hit a ball 450 feet with ease and throw it 95-97 miles per hour effortlessly. Talent like that does not come along every day. It is rare to see a lefthander have the ability to throw with that kind of velocity. He was the number one draft pick out of Athens Road High School here in Raleigh, NC in 1999 by the Tampa Bay Rays. It is the dream of a lot of boys to play major league baseball when they grow up. Baseball has its lure. The darkness offers pleasures too. He was living that dream until the nightmare began.

  A few years into his pro career the bottom fell out and the can't miss kid, the so-called next Mickey Mantle, would enter the dark and destructive world of drugs. Cocaine and crack were his demons of choice. That darkness was a place that only God could pull him back from. Josh said so himself. Many people wrote him off. Of course he hurt people along the way. He hurt his wife and kids and family. He readily admits so in the book. He was deemed a lost cause. He even thought so himself. Hope was fading fast. However in the Creator's eyes there is no such thing as a "lost cause." God never wrote him off. His wife told him that one day he would come back and play ball and that there was going to be a greater purpose. No one is ever truly hopeless. No situation is ever truly hopeless. Not when there is a God like mine. It could only take divine intervention to bring Josh back from the darkest of all worlds. No matter how destructive our behavior He is forever the Savior.

  Reading Josh's story had such a profound affect on me. For some reason the book just kept on resonating in my head. I couldn't shake it and I couldn't figure out why. I was in the shower a few days after I finished reading it and was thinking about his story and then it hit me. I remembered my own dark time. Back in college I got caught up in gambling on pro and college sports. I was in deep. It consumed me for a season. It was my drug. In a small school, like the one I attended, word gets around and people talk. It could have been a lot worse though. When you are playing with money you don't have it is dangerous and foolish. One night after doubling down and now being in the hole somewhere in the thousands (of which I could not pay) I took a trip to see the bet-taker. He was gracious and erased my bets for the night. When I left I was thankful I could do so walking on two feet. Still, I had a large tab, no money and no shot. I deemed it hopeless and yet the One greater intervened. The bet-taker got caught and my tab was erased. There was hope for the hopeless.

  There are many stories of hope out there. Maybe you have one. I had mine. They are on all different levels but nonetheless a hopeless story that turned out hopeful is an inspiration for others. Josh Hamilton's story has inspired lots of people. People would say if Josh could come back so could they. I bet they still say it. Folks were bringing their drug addict friends and family to the ballpark so maybe Josh could talk to them and inspire them. I bet they still bring them to see him. I guess there was a bigger purpose. His wife was right. Your life can have that same affect. Maybe it already has. Someday I would love to meet Josh and have dinner with him. I would love to thank him. His story is tremendous and heroic. Let's never give up on those we love no matter how hopeless everyone else thinks they are. There is a God who never gives up. I am living proof that no one is ever a hopeless cause. And so are you. Remember, it's about the dash!

A Night to Remember

  Lorraine (not her real name) was wheeled into the party with a smile that would light up any room. She is pretty much confined to a wheelchair but you would never know it bothered her one bit by the way she laughed. You would never know it by the way she talked. I bet she loves parties. This night would not be any different. It was her time. This was her scene and she was alive. She gave me the biggest hug like we were old friends who have not seen each other in years. I wondered how a woman in her condition could be filled with so much joy and happiness. I am not sure I would feel the same. For her, the wheelchair did not win. It may have taken away her freedom to come and go as she pleases but it couldn't take her love and enthusiasm for being at a party. She beamed from ear to ear. It touched my heart and I could feel the tears begin to well up in my eyes. This night was about her though and she came prepared to have the time of her life.

 Corey (not his real name) walked by me with braces to help him walk. They were like crutches only there was a device that wrapped around each arm that extended from the crutch. I am not really sure what they call them. Whatever it was it helped the little man get around. He could not have been more than four or five years old. I watched him go by me with his mom and dad and siblings to the room where the family portraits were being taken. He was happy to be at the dinner party and dressed to the nines. He and I exchanged greetings as they came out to go to their table. Inside I was dying, not that he was looking for my sympathy. I just couldn't fathom what my eyes were witnessing. He is just a little boy with a whole life ahead of him. Yet, his feet never touch the ground as he glided by. My emotions were running high now. But again this night was not about me or my friends. It was about our dinner guests. It was their night in the spotlight. It was their time to shine and Corey was in party mode.

 A few weeks ago I blogged about throwing a party for nobodies. The truth is this is how they are viewed by most people. They get passed by every day and are looked at like they have something ungodly written on their foreheads. To me they are somebodies. They have names, like and dislikes and each one of them has a purpose. They have people in different walks of their lives who care about them though. We just wanted to show we did too. Well, my friends and I pulled it off. We held a dinner party and rolled out the red carpet (literally) for our new friends. We had food, drinks and entertainment. The love was contagious. Our guests were families that are a part of our local community. The night was tremendous. I remember sitting there at one point just taking it all in. It takes a lot of people to pull off what we did. It was our first time but I can pretty much guarantee it would not be our last. This was not charity. It was loving people without conditions. And they were teaching me the meaning of life. They were teaching me to be happy and thankful for what I have. It's a lesson sometimes I forget.

 As the night went on I had the opportunity to mingle with different people. I remember speaking with one woman who was there with her nephew and son. She was clutching the framed picture of the three of them in her hand. She could take the memory of the night with her. The boys were so polite and called me sir. They ate their food and looked at me like I was ten feet tall. To them maybe I was. As the night wore on I watched people pour more than just drinks into glasses. Love was present in this establishment. It was a different kind of love though. It was love without judgment. It is such a great privilege to give that to people. Joy filled the room and lives were touched. And it wasn't just those that came as our guests who were impacted. It's funny how that works sometimes. There is always a lesson to be learned or treasure of life to be grasped. I guess it all depends upon whether or not we are listening and paying attention. All of us can be taught. And you never know who the teacher might be.

 When it was time to go we gave out presents to the families. You could see the excitement in their eyes--especially the children. It felt like Christmas morning. The emotion of the night overwhelmed me again. Now they will be able to wake up like other children and be excited to see what they received. Strangers took the time to pick a name off of a tree and fulfill a child's wish for Christmas. In most cases the two parties never meet each other. I think it is better that way. Giving from our hearts should not include us looking for a "thank-you." Doing the right thing is not about trying to garner praise for ourselves. It is merely about doing the right thing. There is not an earthly reward for that. My friends and I were not looking for people's praise. We just wanted to throw a party for people who may never get invited to a party. It was not about pity but a desire to show people that we live our lives with a selfless perspective. I learned a lot that night and I can't wait to do it again. Remember, it's about the dash!

Wide Left Is Still Right

  We arrived about a month too late. Much to the disappointment of me and two of my three children he had already come and gone. I could see the disappointment in their eyes when we were told he was here, November 5. Devastated? Um, that was the understatement of the year. I remember thinking, "Did he really just say he was already here, November 5." Indeed he did. Not even our eventual trip to Dairy Queen for ice cream would brighten our spirits. I kept hoping it was a mistake. All I could do was rally us back together and try to make the best of a disappointing situation. It was not cool. I felt like a failure and I hated that feeling in the pit of my stomach. It felt like someone just kicked me in the gut. Ouch, that hurts!

  I wanted to yell at someone. Your website was wrong! I even showed them. I was kind and courteous even though I could feel my heart racing a mile a minute. Ten or fifteen years' ago it might have been a different story. I needed to be a good example. Yeah, you get my drift. Leading up to the show, I was burgeoning with excitement. I could not wait for Saturday night to come. It was going to be the surprise that memories are built upon. I thought I had stumbled across a winner. I was beaming as we drove to the destination. He has become our family's favorite. I love to laugh and so do my kids. But then, the rug was pulled out from under our feet. I was crushed and more so because I could see that they were crushed. They were disappointed and there was nothing I could do.

  His name is Tim Hawkins. He is one of the funniest comedians I have ever listened to. He is clean, witty and most of all he makes me and my family laugh. We sit around at dinner doing his lines and then we all laugh. We usually repeat ourselves. My wife looks at us puzzled. "Didn't you guys do that one last night?" Of course we did. They just don't get old. I am all for beating things into the ground. The Cracker Barrel skit is one of our favorites. Last Friday night I was online listening to some of his stand-up and thought I would see if he had any plans to be in our area. Lo and behold, according to a local community college website (where he had apparently already performed), he was in town for four shows. Well, so I thought.  I slept on it and when I awoke my wife and I agreed to purchase tickets online. I should have verified it with his website. I guess my excitement got the best of me. Apparently, I was buying tickets for a Christmas Country show or something. Yeah, not the same thing as seeing a funny man bringing us to hysterics for a few hours. My wife and I thought it would be a tremendous surprise. It would be the night of all nights. At least that is what I hoped.

  My kids understood. They didn't blame me although I wanted to find a hole somewhere and jump in. You know those Southwest Airlines' commercials where the guy says, "Wanna get away?" Well, that was me. I wanted to get away because I felt I let the kids down. I demand excellence of myself in all areas of my life and I felt I had let them down. Has that happened to you? It's awful isn't it? Yeah, it sure is! I know it is a good lesson for our kids to see. I was just hoping some other parent(s) could experience it with their kids instead of me. Nice, huh! Yeah, I don't really wish that. I know that our kids have to see failure. They have to understand what it feels like. In reality we all fail one time or perhaps many times. Our kids can see it. It is okay.

 You know I missed the field goal but I still won the game. I created a memory of something different than I thought. Memories can be positive ones where we show our kids that we are human too. As much of a perfectionist as I may be, I am FAR from it. I strive for it, know I will never really reach it, but still demand it from myself. We put too much pressure on ourselves. I know I do. The world and society should not dictate how we as parents measure success. So, we missed a show but I was able to spend some time with two of my precious gifts. I think one day we will get to see Hawkins' show. I think it will make it more special when we do. Hopefully we will look back and have a laugh or two. Hey, we still had blizzards at DQ. What's not to like about that! I was wide left on my kick but I was still right because it was about them. Spending time with our kids is a necessity. So is having fun with them. I want to help them be kids. They are our pride and joy. Let's never forget it. Remember, it's about the dash!

Whatever You Do, Don't...

   Whatever you do, don't make assumptions of others. Don't assume you know anything about why they decided to do it--whatever it is. They will make decisions without consulting you. Don't assume you know why. Don't assume you understand. You probably don't. Don't believe what you hear second or third hand. The story probably is distorted. It always is when different people sink their teeth into it. People love to make assumptions and to be honest they are often wrong. I would intimate that people are wrong 95 percent of the time. No, the five percent does not make it worth it either. If you are like me there are times in your life when you have made assumptions about someone. I think it is human nature to make assumptions but it does not make it okay. It happens in our workplaces, neighborhoods, churches, schools, families and friendships. I am sure we have all heard the expression of what happens when we assume. It is true and each one of us knows it.

  The word assume is defined as, "to take for granted or without proof; suppose; postulate." For me, there is a phrase that jumps out in that definition. It is "without proof." We are basing our assumption(s) on some second or third hand information or perhaps have connected our own dots. Perhaps we interject our own life experiences into the equation. We are short on proof but big on conjecture. I have often wondered why people don't just pick up the phone or ask to meet. You would think in this day and age with technology we would be able to be better at communicating. Actually I believe the reverse is the case. We are worse at communication. Too much technology is a part of it but sometimes we just lack the guts to go to someone and get the truth. I know I did. In college I thought my baseball coach hated me. I thought he hated northerners (I went to school in Virginia and am from NY). Boy, was I wrong! It made for an uncomfortable situation--for me! There are a plethora of reasons why we assume and quite frankly none of them cuts the mustard. It didn't for me and it won't for you.

  Not making assumptions can be difficult. If we are in a group setting perhaps it gives us some chatter or something lively to talk about. That can only be defined as gossip. There is another word that normally does not have a happy ending. People sometimes make assumptions and hold onto them for years. Can you imagine the damage that can do to a person and a relationship? It can be extensive. It is not healthy and it wastes a ton of our time. We lose traction if we are persistent with our assumptions. Our worldview gets distorted. Lots of times we do it to protect ourselves. I think some of us just check out because making assumptions is just easier. It is the lazy way out, really. It makes things worse. How could we think otherwise? We would rather sit and list a litany of reasons why someone is doing something or has done something than to actually have a conversation with them. It is a road to nowhere. Face to face is where it is at. Pick up the phone if you are too far away. Stop assuming. Nothing good ever comes of it.

 So, what do we do moving forward? The first thing in any situation is to take stock of where we are.  Now, I am not by any means Dr. Phil but I know from my own experience that in order to change I have to identify the "what" and have a game plan moving forward. Maybe it would help if we started talking more to people about what we are going through. You know, good ol' communication with a trusted friend or confidant. Find that person who won't just blow smoke. Ask for help. I tell my five year old that all of the time. I need to tell myself that too! Most of the time these poor assumptions are made in the context of a relationship. Whether it is your spouse, neighbor, co-worker, family member is not the point. The main thought here is that we need to put an end to thinking what other people are supposedly thinking. Chances are they aren't thinking what you are thinking. Don't get caught up in assumptions. Rise above the temptation. Make that call or go and talk to that person. What do you have to lose? Well, a lot actually--if you don't! Remember, it's about the dash.