Hope For the Hopeless

   When I was in school students used to refer to some of their "loser" classmates as lost causes. Perhaps you remember too. Maybe you were one of the ridiculed. Students, and unfortunately sometimes teachers, used to say that certain kids were a hopeless cause. Sometimes to their face other times behind their backs. It makes no difference though. It happened in our neighborhoods too. This must have been hard for all of those kids to hear such vitriol. Sure, maybe they did not have it all together. I guess I was a lost cause too because I don't think I had it all together by age 13! I escaped the branding but others close to me did not. Too many times words are spoken and people believe a lie about themselves. Often we go on believing we are a hopeless and a lost cause because it was spoken over us. There is always hope though. However, we listen to the voices that tell us lies. And we believe what they say. But hope springs eternal.

  This past week I finished a book that really stimulated this hope for the hopeless topic. It is the story of Josh Hamilton and his comeback from extreme drug abuse. He is the current major league ballplayer who plays baseball for the Texas Rangers. And he is my hero. He was the can't miss high school baseball phenom. Loaded with talent people said he was the next Mickey Mantle. He could hit a ball 450 feet with ease and throw it 95-97 miles per hour effortlessly. Talent like that does not come along every day. It is rare to see a lefthander have the ability to throw with that kind of velocity. He was the number one draft pick out of Athens Road High School here in Raleigh, NC in 1999 by the Tampa Bay Rays. It is the dream of a lot of boys to play major league baseball when they grow up. Baseball has its lure. The darkness offers pleasures too. He was living that dream until the nightmare began.

  A few years into his pro career the bottom fell out and the can't miss kid, the so-called next Mickey Mantle, would enter the dark and destructive world of drugs. Cocaine and crack were his demons of choice. That darkness was a place that only God could pull him back from. Josh said so himself. Many people wrote him off. Of course he hurt people along the way. He hurt his wife and kids and family. He readily admits so in the book. He was deemed a lost cause. He even thought so himself. Hope was fading fast. However in the Creator's eyes there is no such thing as a "lost cause." God never wrote him off. His wife told him that one day he would come back and play ball and that there was going to be a greater purpose. No one is ever truly hopeless. No situation is ever truly hopeless. Not when there is a God like mine. It could only take divine intervention to bring Josh back from the darkest of all worlds. No matter how destructive our behavior He is forever the Savior.

  Reading Josh's story had such a profound affect on me. For some reason the book just kept on resonating in my head. I couldn't shake it and I couldn't figure out why. I was in the shower a few days after I finished reading it and was thinking about his story and then it hit me. I remembered my own dark time. Back in college I got caught up in gambling on pro and college sports. I was in deep. It consumed me for a season. It was my drug. In a small school, like the one I attended, word gets around and people talk. It could have been a lot worse though. When you are playing with money you don't have it is dangerous and foolish. One night after doubling down and now being in the hole somewhere in the thousands (of which I could not pay) I took a trip to see the bet-taker. He was gracious and erased my bets for the night. When I left I was thankful I could do so walking on two feet. Still, I had a large tab, no money and no shot. I deemed it hopeless and yet the One greater intervened. The bet-taker got caught and my tab was erased. There was hope for the hopeless.

  There are many stories of hope out there. Maybe you have one. I had mine. They are on all different levels but nonetheless a hopeless story that turned out hopeful is an inspiration for others. Josh Hamilton's story has inspired lots of people. People would say if Josh could come back so could they. I bet they still say it. Folks were bringing their drug addict friends and family to the ballpark so maybe Josh could talk to them and inspire them. I bet they still bring them to see him. I guess there was a bigger purpose. His wife was right. Your life can have that same affect. Maybe it already has. Someday I would love to meet Josh and have dinner with him. I would love to thank him. His story is tremendous and heroic. Let's never give up on those we love no matter how hopeless everyone else thinks they are. There is a God who never gives up. I am living proof that no one is ever a hopeless cause. And so are you. Remember, it's about the dash!

A Night to Remember

  Lorraine (not her real name) was wheeled into the party with a smile that would light up any room. She is pretty much confined to a wheelchair but you would never know it bothered her one bit by the way she laughed. You would never know it by the way she talked. I bet she loves parties. This night would not be any different. It was her time. This was her scene and she was alive. She gave me the biggest hug like we were old friends who have not seen each other in years. I wondered how a woman in her condition could be filled with so much joy and happiness. I am not sure I would feel the same. For her, the wheelchair did not win. It may have taken away her freedom to come and go as she pleases but it couldn't take her love and enthusiasm for being at a party. She beamed from ear to ear. It touched my heart and I could feel the tears begin to well up in my eyes. This night was about her though and she came prepared to have the time of her life.

 Corey (not his real name) walked by me with braces to help him walk. They were like crutches only there was a device that wrapped around each arm that extended from the crutch. I am not really sure what they call them. Whatever it was it helped the little man get around. He could not have been more than four or five years old. I watched him go by me with his mom and dad and siblings to the room where the family portraits were being taken. He was happy to be at the dinner party and dressed to the nines. He and I exchanged greetings as they came out to go to their table. Inside I was dying, not that he was looking for my sympathy. I just couldn't fathom what my eyes were witnessing. He is just a little boy with a whole life ahead of him. Yet, his feet never touch the ground as he glided by. My emotions were running high now. But again this night was not about me or my friends. It was about our dinner guests. It was their night in the spotlight. It was their time to shine and Corey was in party mode.

 A few weeks ago I blogged about throwing a party for nobodies. The truth is this is how they are viewed by most people. They get passed by every day and are looked at like they have something ungodly written on their foreheads. To me they are somebodies. They have names, like and dislikes and each one of them has a purpose. They have people in different walks of their lives who care about them though. We just wanted to show we did too. Well, my friends and I pulled it off. We held a dinner party and rolled out the red carpet (literally) for our new friends. We had food, drinks and entertainment. The love was contagious. Our guests were families that are a part of our local community. The night was tremendous. I remember sitting there at one point just taking it all in. It takes a lot of people to pull off what we did. It was our first time but I can pretty much guarantee it would not be our last. This was not charity. It was loving people without conditions. And they were teaching me the meaning of life. They were teaching me to be happy and thankful for what I have. It's a lesson sometimes I forget.

 As the night went on I had the opportunity to mingle with different people. I remember speaking with one woman who was there with her nephew and son. She was clutching the framed picture of the three of them in her hand. She could take the memory of the night with her. The boys were so polite and called me sir. They ate their food and looked at me like I was ten feet tall. To them maybe I was. As the night wore on I watched people pour more than just drinks into glasses. Love was present in this establishment. It was a different kind of love though. It was love without judgment. It is such a great privilege to give that to people. Joy filled the room and lives were touched. And it wasn't just those that came as our guests who were impacted. It's funny how that works sometimes. There is always a lesson to be learned or treasure of life to be grasped. I guess it all depends upon whether or not we are listening and paying attention. All of us can be taught. And you never know who the teacher might be.

 When it was time to go we gave out presents to the families. You could see the excitement in their eyes--especially the children. It felt like Christmas morning. The emotion of the night overwhelmed me again. Now they will be able to wake up like other children and be excited to see what they received. Strangers took the time to pick a name off of a tree and fulfill a child's wish for Christmas. In most cases the two parties never meet each other. I think it is better that way. Giving from our hearts should not include us looking for a "thank-you." Doing the right thing is not about trying to garner praise for ourselves. It is merely about doing the right thing. There is not an earthly reward for that. My friends and I were not looking for people's praise. We just wanted to throw a party for people who may never get invited to a party. It was not about pity but a desire to show people that we live our lives with a selfless perspective. I learned a lot that night and I can't wait to do it again. Remember, it's about the dash!

Wide Left Is Still Right

  We arrived about a month too late. Much to the disappointment of me and two of my three children he had already come and gone. I could see the disappointment in their eyes when we were told he was here, November 5. Devastated? Um, that was the understatement of the year. I remember thinking, "Did he really just say he was already here, November 5." Indeed he did. Not even our eventual trip to Dairy Queen for ice cream would brighten our spirits. I kept hoping it was a mistake. All I could do was rally us back together and try to make the best of a disappointing situation. It was not cool. I felt like a failure and I hated that feeling in the pit of my stomach. It felt like someone just kicked me in the gut. Ouch, that hurts!

  I wanted to yell at someone. Your website was wrong! I even showed them. I was kind and courteous even though I could feel my heart racing a mile a minute. Ten or fifteen years' ago it might have been a different story. I needed to be a good example. Yeah, you get my drift. Leading up to the show, I was burgeoning with excitement. I could not wait for Saturday night to come. It was going to be the surprise that memories are built upon. I thought I had stumbled across a winner. I was beaming as we drove to the destination. He has become our family's favorite. I love to laugh and so do my kids. But then, the rug was pulled out from under our feet. I was crushed and more so because I could see that they were crushed. They were disappointed and there was nothing I could do.

  His name is Tim Hawkins. He is one of the funniest comedians I have ever listened to. He is clean, witty and most of all he makes me and my family laugh. We sit around at dinner doing his lines and then we all laugh. We usually repeat ourselves. My wife looks at us puzzled. "Didn't you guys do that one last night?" Of course we did. They just don't get old. I am all for beating things into the ground. The Cracker Barrel skit is one of our favorites. Last Friday night I was online listening to some of his stand-up and thought I would see if he had any plans to be in our area. Lo and behold, according to a local community college website (where he had apparently already performed), he was in town for four shows. Well, so I thought.  I slept on it and when I awoke my wife and I agreed to purchase tickets online. I should have verified it with his website. I guess my excitement got the best of me. Apparently, I was buying tickets for a Christmas Country show or something. Yeah, not the same thing as seeing a funny man bringing us to hysterics for a few hours. My wife and I thought it would be a tremendous surprise. It would be the night of all nights. At least that is what I hoped.

  My kids understood. They didn't blame me although I wanted to find a hole somewhere and jump in. You know those Southwest Airlines' commercials where the guy says, "Wanna get away?" Well, that was me. I wanted to get away because I felt I let the kids down. I demand excellence of myself in all areas of my life and I felt I had let them down. Has that happened to you? It's awful isn't it? Yeah, it sure is! I know it is a good lesson for our kids to see. I was just hoping some other parent(s) could experience it with their kids instead of me. Nice, huh! Yeah, I don't really wish that. I know that our kids have to see failure. They have to understand what it feels like. In reality we all fail one time or perhaps many times. Our kids can see it. It is okay.

 You know I missed the field goal but I still won the game. I created a memory of something different than I thought. Memories can be positive ones where we show our kids that we are human too. As much of a perfectionist as I may be, I am FAR from it. I strive for it, know I will never really reach it, but still demand it from myself. We put too much pressure on ourselves. I know I do. The world and society should not dictate how we as parents measure success. So, we missed a show but I was able to spend some time with two of my precious gifts. I think one day we will get to see Hawkins' show. I think it will make it more special when we do. Hopefully we will look back and have a laugh or two. Hey, we still had blizzards at DQ. What's not to like about that! I was wide left on my kick but I was still right because it was about them. Spending time with our kids is a necessity. So is having fun with them. I want to help them be kids. They are our pride and joy. Let's never forget it. Remember, it's about the dash!

Whatever You Do, Don't...

   Whatever you do, don't make assumptions of others. Don't assume you know anything about why they decided to do it--whatever it is. They will make decisions without consulting you. Don't assume you know why. Don't assume you understand. You probably don't. Don't believe what you hear second or third hand. The story probably is distorted. It always is when different people sink their teeth into it. People love to make assumptions and to be honest they are often wrong. I would intimate that people are wrong 95 percent of the time. No, the five percent does not make it worth it either. If you are like me there are times in your life when you have made assumptions about someone. I think it is human nature to make assumptions but it does not make it okay. It happens in our workplaces, neighborhoods, churches, schools, families and friendships. I am sure we have all heard the expression of what happens when we assume. It is true and each one of us knows it.

  The word assume is defined as, "to take for granted or without proof; suppose; postulate." For me, there is a phrase that jumps out in that definition. It is "without proof." We are basing our assumption(s) on some second or third hand information or perhaps have connected our own dots. Perhaps we interject our own life experiences into the equation. We are short on proof but big on conjecture. I have often wondered why people don't just pick up the phone or ask to meet. You would think in this day and age with technology we would be able to be better at communicating. Actually I believe the reverse is the case. We are worse at communication. Too much technology is a part of it but sometimes we just lack the guts to go to someone and get the truth. I know I did. In college I thought my baseball coach hated me. I thought he hated northerners (I went to school in Virginia and am from NY). Boy, was I wrong! It made for an uncomfortable situation--for me! There are a plethora of reasons why we assume and quite frankly none of them cuts the mustard. It didn't for me and it won't for you.

  Not making assumptions can be difficult. If we are in a group setting perhaps it gives us some chatter or something lively to talk about. That can only be defined as gossip. There is another word that normally does not have a happy ending. People sometimes make assumptions and hold onto them for years. Can you imagine the damage that can do to a person and a relationship? It can be extensive. It is not healthy and it wastes a ton of our time. We lose traction if we are persistent with our assumptions. Our worldview gets distorted. Lots of times we do it to protect ourselves. I think some of us just check out because making assumptions is just easier. It is the lazy way out, really. It makes things worse. How could we think otherwise? We would rather sit and list a litany of reasons why someone is doing something or has done something than to actually have a conversation with them. It is a road to nowhere. Face to face is where it is at. Pick up the phone if you are too far away. Stop assuming. Nothing good ever comes of it.

 So, what do we do moving forward? The first thing in any situation is to take stock of where we are.  Now, I am not by any means Dr. Phil but I know from my own experience that in order to change I have to identify the "what" and have a game plan moving forward. Maybe it would help if we started talking more to people about what we are going through. You know, good ol' communication with a trusted friend or confidant. Find that person who won't just blow smoke. Ask for help. I tell my five year old that all of the time. I need to tell myself that too! Most of the time these poor assumptions are made in the context of a relationship. Whether it is your spouse, neighbor, co-worker, family member is not the point. The main thought here is that we need to put an end to thinking what other people are supposedly thinking. Chances are they aren't thinking what you are thinking. Don't get caught up in assumptions. Rise above the temptation. Make that call or go and talk to that person. What do you have to lose? Well, a lot actually--if you don't! Remember, it's about the dash.

The Forgotten Thank You

  Is it just me or did it feel like Thanksgiving was being infringed upon this year? I mean, I think I started hearing Christmas music on the radio a few weeks BEFORE Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. Growing up I always looked forward to this holiday. We lived right down the street from my uncle, aunt and cousins and each year we would get together to celebrate the festivities along with other family. Of course, with my mom's side of the family being Italian, there was not a lack of food (really delicious food). First came the ziti and meatballs and next came the turkey and all the fixins. The meal was then finished off by a selection of pies and desserts that would put Mrs. Smith to shame. I cherished those times because of the people I was with. I am thankful for them and the memories we will always have. And I would not have it if Thanksgiving was overlooked. I am grateful it was not.

  So, what's the deal? Why does it feel like the walls are closing in on one of my favorite holidays? I think like other holidays we sometimes forget about the true meaning of Thanksgiving. Of course it is always nice to gather together for a meal with people you love. I always have fun. It is a party and I love a good one. Thanksgiving is being left behind and I for one am not prepared to see it go. I want to smell the turkey cooking and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade with my kids. I want to watch some good football too. The parade people don't have Santa Claus come out first do they? No, they save him for the end. It is kind of symbolic don't you think? We used to get it. Somehow things have changed. Once Thanksgiving is over by all means let's usher in the Christmas cheer. Bring out the egg nog, put up the tree and bust out the Christmas jams. But let's wait for Thanksgiving to have its time. It's time to "Occupy Thanksgiving." Now there is a cause REALLY worth taking to the streets for.

  One of the things my wife and I try to do with our kids is teach them proper manners. They might be going to a party or a friend's house and one of us will usually say, "Remember to say please and thank you." Eventually we will stop doing this as our children get older (well, I hope so). They do a good job with it most of the time. I just don't want them to ever forget to say thanks. They have a lot to be thankful for. I know I do! What about you? Do you offer your thanks and mean it? I look at my three kids and wife and think to myself I am a very fortunate individual. At forty years old I am happy with life and am excited to share it with my wife and kids. Over the years I have learned to be thankful for what I do have and try not to waste time salivating over what I don't. It's not worth it for me. The older I get the more simpler I have become. Just like we tell our kids to remember our manners let's do the same. Don't forget to say thank you. It's about actions. Put your thanks into motion. People will notice, especially those closest who need good role models.

  One of the obvious thoughts about why Thanksgiving is being infringed upon is the retail industry's desire to extend the gift-buying season. They want to garner every possible minute they can because they know we will come. It's kind of like Pavlov's dog. Many stores opened up on Thanksgiving night with others doing the same at midnight and 3 a.m. Friday morning. Yesterday when I was getting my haircut the stylist told me that there was a line starting at 8 pm Thanksgiving night to get into Best Buy. The line was wrapped around the other side of the building. It was hundreds deep! I get it. I am not trying to manage people's lives or tell others how they should live. If you like going out for the experience of shopping that early than go for it. I am just not happy with losing precious hours off of one of my favorite holidays. We need more time for dessert!

  The economy is in the crapper so the retail companies need to get in the black (hence, the title "Black Friday"). Everything comes with a cost though. I love buying gifts for people and thoroughly enjoy the Christmas season. Let's slow it down though. What's the hurry! We will have plenty of time to shop. We have computers now so that helps too! Let's enjoy each other's company and be thankful for the people in our lives. I know most of us are. I guess I don't like to feel manipulated or controlled. Do you? This year has that feel to it. I am not ready to give in and lose a day to be thankful as I spend it with people I care about so much. Let's keep the sanctity of Thanksgiving shall we! We can create our own Thanksgiving holiday memories. Maybe you already have. Keep at it and it will pay off. You are handing down something to those you care about the most. They will appreciate it. Believe me they will. Memories are forever. Walking down Fairway Drive heading to my cousins' house for the fun we were about to have was exhilarating. Of course, I always came hungry too. I can smell the ziti from here! I think they felt the same heading to our home. Don't forget to say thanks. Relish the time. Remember folks, it's about the dash!

In The Rear View Mirror

  If you are like me you can size a person up in a matter of minutes. Someone walks into your world in some way, shape or form and without blinking an eye you have them all figured out. You have yet to strike up a conversation with this person but you know them inside and out. Can that really be possible? Well, possible but not fair or smart. I think that is hard to do yet we all find ourselves doing that. Why? Well, I began asking myself this question and it all started as I began to read Under The Overpass. This is a story of two men who have it all yet they decide to become homeless for several months. They traveled to major cities and saw what life was like on the street. Yes, they decided to become homeless! Talk about a radical lifestyle change--and on purpose! Their account will leave you stunned--especially my friends in the faith community. You won't believe the way these guys were treated by all walks of life. I am concerned however about myself and how I treat others in these predicaments. In particular I am looking at how I might treat homeless people. How do I treat the panhandler? Do I judge? Yes, he or she will simply by booze and drugs with the money we give. At least, that is what we all think, right?

  My profession has me on the road a lot. I drive a ton of miles every day in hopes of talking to people interested in the services I provide. I am often at intersections where I see the guy or gal holding up a sign like, "Will Work For Food" or "Spare Some Change." As I sit there in my car several things go through my head. Maybe it does yours too. I wonder what their name is, where they live, why they are doing this and on and on the questions come to mind. I wonder what happened in this person's life to cause them to beg for money on the streets in the cold. Maybe they aren't homeless. Perhaps they are pretending. The more and more I sit there and think the deeper I try and reach for a reason NOT to give them some spare change. I think, why do I want to contribute to their habit? Or better yet, they don't fool me. They are just a bunch of con men and women. I am not going to enable anyone and I am certainly not going to even think about enabling someone I don't know. I rationalize myself right out of giving them anything. I see them in my rear view as I pull on through. My heart breaks but they don't want my sympathy or pity. They are hungry and thirsty. And I keep passing them by.

  While I was reading Under The Overpass I was floored by how the guys told of how people treated them. There were a few good Samaritan stories but most of the time they were treated like the scum of the earth. Yesterday's trash just bothering people trying to get from their posh homes to their elaborate offices. Reading this book cut me hard. People of faith, who were supposed to be reaching out in love, often turned their noses up at the guys. I was flabbergasted. I love people and I want to help mostly anyone. I believe my Creator has given me a heart of compassion for less fortunate people. Yet, when it comes to the homeless sometimes I feel as lost as a ball in high weeds. What can I possibly do? What can I possibly say? It shouldn't be so hard. So, why is it? Why can't I just reach out a hand and offer to help? It is that judgment thing. If I were to give one of them a few bucks they will take it, along with the other money they have been given, and buy some whiskey with it or crack so they can continue their habit. I don't think I am alone in these thoughts but I am not looking for company. I want to change it. I want to be real and stop pretending they will just go away.

 The two guys who went on this journey referenced in Under The Overpass were really good guys. People didn't know their story but by their account no one (except for one or two) cared to learn. They were looked at like they didn't exist. There was a point in the book where one of the guys wondered how he could go back to "normal" living. He wrestled with this as the time of adventure was drawing to a close. Seriously, imagine yourself doing this fully knowing that one day you would not be homeless any longer. Now, think about the people who don't know when it is ever going to end. They don't have the luxury of that kind of forethought. Every day is a struggle. Every meal an adventure. They will take your scraps. They will take your leftovers. But do we ever give them more? I am not here to lay a trip on anyone. This book just wrecked me to the core and I want to do something about how I feel. It may be shallow but I want deep. If I am more than a fan then it has to cost me. Folks who are homeless have names. They have destinies and they have dreams. We need to hear their stories and quit being in such a hurry. I know I need to. Do you? You should read the book. Maybe it will challenge you like it did me. Remember, it's about the dash!

The Wrong Kind of Victims

  Last weekend I had the privilege of coaching my son and eight other boys in a weekend baseball tournament here in North Carolina. It was a ton of fun for me as coaching baseball is something I absolutely love...well, that is next to playing baseball! I cherish these times as I know one day they will no longer be there. However, there was something that happened during one of the contests involving an opposing coach that epitomizes what is wrong with kids' sports today. It is something that makes me desperate to bring change and will cause me to continue to coach for as long as I can to see it through. Time and time again Little League coaches think it is all about them. They want to win badly and will stop at nothing to do so. Even if it is to the detriment of those under their care. How sad and infuriating. That's not a joyful combination really. Neither are big egos and cheaters.

  In addition we have all seen the news regarding the travesty at Penn State on our TV screens, heard it on our radios and read it in our newspapers and on Internet boards. Now, I am not here to pile on the Penn State injustice because that is not what I do. My job is not to judge. The Penn State case does make me sick to my stomach as I am sure it does yours. Too many grown-ups worried about themselves and caring nothing for the innocent. I don't think there are too many people out there who feel otherwise. However, there is one common thread in all of this and it has to do with injustice towards our kids. As a dad of three children I know that I would do anything to protect my kids from harmful situations and people. I would also do what I could to protect my kids from egotistical little league coaches far more concerned with winning than giving their boys a great experience. Both settings, while vastly different in their miscarriage of justice, have left me asking myself a lot of questions. Does it you? I am tired of all of it. Our kids are being victimized and it is time to end the madness.

  During my son's baseball tournament there was some political stuff that took place leading up to its beginning. I was told I could not have player "X" because he played on a travel team only to see that player show up on someone else's team. I then was forced to take another player supposedly because his parents are big financial contributors to the league. You can't make this stuff up. I only wish I was. Much to my chagrin this stuff happens in kids' leagues everywhere. Dads and even moms acting like "little Johnny" or "little Susie" is the end-all-be-all. The problem I have in all of this is that our kids are the ones who are witnessing grown men and women act like babies. Grown men and women are living vicariously through kids and it serves not one single purpose. The kids deserve better. Adults are letting them down. Anyway, after all of that mess got sorted out (I went out and recruited my own player who is as good as gold and so is his family) we had some games to play. And so the "fun" began.
 
  Our team won the first game and then fell behind early in game two, 7-0.  During a particular controversial play the other coach started to pretend he was also the umpire. It was then I simply asked the ACTUAL umpire if he could take care of calling the game. I felt it was important since it actually is the job of the umpire(s) to be the judge of balls, strikes, outs, etc.  Needless to say the coach did not like that and popped off at me and then did so a few other times. He even tried to win the game by allowing a call to stand he knew was wrong (we had talked about it in the pregame regarding warning a kid if he tried to steal before the ball crossed the plate). So much for setting a good example for the kids he was coaching. Imagine being one of the kids on that team and knowing that your coach allowed you to win a game that went against an agreed rule. Our team came back and won the game and eventually won the championship. Justice was served I guess. After the crazy game was over the coach was nowhere to be found. He didn't shake hands with me or my kids. Sore losers disguised as coaches are bad examples for kids. It's disturbing and yet it is happening all over. We need to stop letting these over-inflated egos dressed up as coaches anywhere near our kids. Just because they have a pulse and wear a ball cap does not mean they are qualified to coach kids. It's a crying shame really.

  The Penn State catastrophe also saw kids being victimized albeit in a much more perverse and destructive way. People high up knew about it but did nothing. Meanwhile, the kids who had their innocence ripped away, were left to feel ashamed and wallow alone in their misery. Boys have this thing where they look up to other men. It could be their dad, a coach, teacher, camp counselor or anyone in a position of authority. They put their trust in these men only to have it destroyed. Some of them never get the healing they need. This disturbs me and it breaks my heart all in one. I am sure it does for you too. Crimes against children draw my ire. I have a difficult time watching, hearing and reading about them. All of them! Please hear me though. I am not trying to compare these two situations as if they are remotely similar. They truly are not! I am simply communicating my anger and disgust in adult behavior in a situation I experienced firsthand and one I watched and listened to from afar. In both cases I simply do not like what I see. We need to stop witnessing this destruction in our world--especially to the innocent of all innocent.

  Yesterday I posted on my Facebook page how disappointed I was at the folks protesting because the university did the right thing and fired the head football coach. Why weren't they protesting the fact that children were taken advantage of by a predator? What in the world is wrong with these people?! Kids lose their innocence and apparently that is okay? I mean, what other conclusion can you come to based on the actions of these protesters? However, take away their beloved coach and they riot. We put folks like these coaches on pedestals and think that they walk on hallowed ground. Meanwhile we have kids who are trying to understand what in the world has happened and why they had to endure such pain. Kids have it hard enough these days don't you think? They are our future presidents, lawyers, doctors, scientists, artists, musicians and now their little worlds have been rocked and shattered. And we protest the firing of a coach? I cannot and will not ever understand what in the world these people are thinking. I do believe they are selfish and in a lot of cases had too much to drink so they decided to go break stuff. In any case, children are being victimized and people decide to tear up the town for all the wrong reasons. Why not use that energy to make a change in the injustices going on against children! There is a novel idea if there ever was.

 In the end we all need to do our part to prevent our kids from being victimized. Let's stop passing over kids as if they don't exist. They need better from us as their parents, coaches, teachers, pastors, doctors, lawyers and politicians. All of us who are grown men and women were once children. I know many of you out there wished someone would have been there to stop injustice from happening to you. It doesn't really matter what kind. None of this is okay folks. We as the adults NEED to stop being so wrapped up in what we look like and more concerned with teaching, shaping and molding our kids for what is to come in their lives. I told my team on Saturday night after we had lost game three that they would remember this time for the rest of their lives. I wanted to give the kids more than just the knowledge of how to catch and throw or how to hit the ball correctly. For me the joy of coaching comes from seeing them become better people. I may never witness it but it won't stop me from giving it everything I have.

  When I review stories like Penn State and coaches with egos twice the size of their own bodies I get a serious bout of holy discontent. Sometimes it may come out unholy but my motives are genuine. We need to protect our kids. They are our pride and joy. They are precious and special and they need us. We need to look out for those who don't know better and are not able to look out for themselves. It is our charge to do so. When we take advantage of them we damage more than we could possibly imagine. Universities, Little Leagues, schools, churches and communities everywhere need to do better for our kids. The world is rough and our children need every ounce of everything we have. These are all OUR kids. They are special and unique, full of life and innocence. Let's stop seeing that taken from them. We can rise against it child by child. It will take all of our efforts. Are you in? Remember, it's about the dash.

It's Nobody's Party

   Have you ever thrown a party for someone in your family who has reached a milestone? Maybe they turned 30 or 40 or 50 or perhaps did something spectacular like graduate from high school, college or made it through boot camp. Maybe they won something special like first place in a contest or show. Nonetheless, all of us have been involved in the party as the recipient or have assisted in the planning and execution of said party. The majority of the time we throw parties for people we know. Parties are fun and they allow people to laugh and let loose a little and just have a great time hanging out with others. This past weekend my family and I went to a neighborhood party. It was fun and it was evident people were having a good time. What if we did the unthinkable though. One of the things some friends of mine are planning is a party for people we don't know. How is that for a curve ball? For some this might be nerve racking. For others this might sound perfect. Would you ever throw a party for people you don't know? Well, maybe after this post you and your friends may want to give it a try. What's the harm in that? Nothing, of course!

   It is no secret to most of you who know me that I am an outgoing person. I love to talk to people. It is something I saw my father do all of the time as a kid. He would talk to anyone. My favorite was when he would talk to the highway tollbooth collectors. I would often wonder, "why in the world would he talk to them?" Dad was on to something. He cared about those folks and took the time to appreciate their presence. The older I get the more I find I am like him. And it is an absolute joy. You don't have to be outgoing to be nice to someone or pay them a compliment. Maybe your words cheer them up from a bad day. Maybe they need some company. Perhaps a smile to their face will change their mood or an invitation to gather with others will brighten their week. What a small but spot-on way to invest in the life of another soul. I want to also submit that you do not have to be "outgoing" to throw a party for people you don't know. So, now that we are all aboard what would that party look like? Where would you have it? For some, the thought of inviting absolute strangers into their home scares them. Yes, I get it. The world is dangerous. I'm sure we all can use common sense. So, put your common sense to use and get to planning your party. The sanguine in me wants it. Does yours?

  Do you have people in your neighborhood that no one associates with? Do you know people where you work or go to school who are never invited to anything? People everywhere are always getting left out. Do you talk to someone at your gym or local recreation center who always gets passed over socially? For some reason they don't cut the mustard. I am sure we all remember the kid everyone made fun of in school. Perhaps you were that person who received such abuse. You know the kid who was maybe overweight, wearing glasses and tripping over him or herself. We all would do what came easy: follow the crowd and join in making fun and ridiculing someone for the way they looked or talked. It was easy to pile on and harder to stand there and take the fire with the kid who always gets it. Maybe we can start a revolution in our neighborhoods, schools, workplaces and communities and see this awful travesty reversed. Maybe we can start to become more uncomfortable so others can feel comfortable. I believe the time is now. Let's not wait one minute longer. Let's throw some parties and be all-inclusive kind of people. You could change some one's life. How much is that worth? A party for the ages. Now there is an investment worth my contribution and yours.

  Society has a way of telling us what is acceptable. What kind of house we should live in, the car we should drive, the clothes we should wear, the gym we should belong to and on and on it goes. I bet Cosmo has a section on who to invite over for dinner or to a party. I am sure there is a protocol. Maybe Cosmo does and maybe they don't but when did we allow what society told us to rule our decision-making? Does anyone else out there think this is beyond maddening? I mean, how much time and energy do we waste just trying to fit in? We have to have Pottery Barn furniture and buy clothes with a popular label. Do we all just give in? I hope not. What if we took that energy of trying to get all of our social ducks in a row and opened up our homes to the people no one else will associate with! Talk about being the change we want to see in our world. That would be the epitome of going against the grain. What is stopping us? Well, fear for one. Second, we don't want our house slimed by the decrepit and marginalized of society. Sounds a lot like what we did back in school. The madness can stop, one party at a time.

  So, how do we execute the planning of this party? Maybe we start with inviting people we know with some we may not know so well. Ease your way into it. My friends and I will have a party similar to this idea. We all know each other and the people coming won't know any of us. Sounds perfect to me! One of the things we all miss at some point in our lives is the idea of servant hood. What does it mean to truly serve others? I believe servant hood is displayed when we put aside our own interests and seek to lookout for the interests of those no one else will. It sounds pretty simple to but yet it is so hard for us to put into practice. So, why is it so hard? I am not totally sure. I can venture many guesses and some will be right on. We all work hard. We are all tired. The busy excuse won't fly. Time marches on and people are being passed over. Invite Mr. and Mrs. Nobody to your next party. I bet deep down inside they always wanted to be Mr. and Mrs. Somebody. Perhaps not even Mr. and Mrs. but just Somebody. Maybe they just need someone to throw them a line. Maybe they want to feel important for once in their life. We can all participate in some way. Sure, life is not just about what we do but at the same time we need to remember those who others have forgotten. Let's throw parties everywhere. The Nobodies are waiting. Remember, it's about the dash!

Busting Our Borders

   I bet when you read the headline to this blog post you thought I was going to go on some rant about securing the borders of our country from illegal aliens. Well, I do have very strong political opinions as most of you know. However, this is not the appropriate time for that. A year from now I might be singing off of a different song sheet. While I am all for securing our national borders and making sure people follow a process for citizenship, the borders I am referring to might make some of you think differently. I hope so. I am talking about the borders we put up or allow others to construct that limit our potential to make a greater impact on our world. I am talking about man-made borders that keep us locked into a sense of "this is just how it is." For me, it just doesn't work like that. The dash becomes a minus sign and life becomes more of a chore than an adventure. We see a subtraction of our purpose which leads to a road to nowhere. If this is you an about-face is in order. Your borders need to be blown up (figuratively speaking of course).

   Back in 2009 I was afforded one of the greatest opportunities of my life. It is a time I always look back on and wish it never had to end. I was working as an assistant pastor at a Vineyard church in Maine and was asked to join a team of three others heading over to Denmark. Our senior pastor was going to be teaching a week long class on healing at a Bible College and there was going to be a lot of interaction with students, faculty and staff.  Before I set out on this adventure with my three friends I had no idea what a life-changing time it would be. Last night my wife and I had a rare night out together. Our night ended with a trip to Dairy Queen for some ice cream and I found myself talking about what else, my trip to Denmark. The impact of this trip caused me to do something I always did but did not realize I was doing. I was removing borders of where I would allow myself to be used. No borders. No walls. It was just me and the purpose I had been given. Our collective purposes crave action without borders. Trust me friends, there are life-changing times ahead. It is up to us to release ourselves from everyone else's expectations. The fear that paralyzes us from going beyond where we are comfortable needs to be obliterated. There is nothing like it when you break free and see your borders expanded. Your life is never the same. The borders become harder to see.

   In the days, weeks, months and now years since my trip to Denmark I cannot help but see the impact on my life. I get emotional when I think of that time because something new was born inside. Something new was stirred up. I am eternally grateful for the friends I experienced this time with and the new friends I now have because I went. All of what I experienced would not exist if I did not step out and go when I was asked. I missed my daughter's dance recital but I will see plenty more of them. She understood and loved the flowers delivered to our home on the big day. There is a cost. Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise. A lot of times we don't go because we are afraid of the unknown or don't want it to cost us. Sometimes we don't go because other people don't approve. Sometimes we don't go because other people have other expectations for us that may or may not be directly communicated. That shouldn't happen but it does unfortunately. In any case the ultimate decision rests with us. For me busting my borders meant that my God-given talents, abilities and gifts could be used anywere.  It still means that today and it always will. What about you? Are you going to bust your borders? I love hearing stories of people who do. Be brave. It is time to step up.

   Our lives are not long enough to allow borders to keep us down. We need to branch out. People might say, "Well that is just not me. I can't do that." You may be right because only you know what you are willing and able to do. However, I guarantee that you will see impact on your life even if you step out and it is a total flop. When Deb and I moved to North Carolina we anticipated a smooth transition. It didn't turn out that way initially. So what! Just like my trip to Denmark had a profound affect on me so did our move to North Carolina. I am a different person because of both. One may be looked at as more of a success than the other but on what basis? Denmark produced a lot of great things in me but so has my experience here in North Carolina. No borders says, "I will go and be obedient." As a man of faith this is how I will always live my life. I will go. That is just what I do. You can too. "Go" can mean lots of things. Maybe you take that new job or decide to go back to school. Maybe you go to another place to live. The going is hard because you don't know how it will end. You are no longer in control. I think I like it better that way. Are you willing to go even if you have no idea what will happen? Will you give up your comforts? No borders says you should.

   Your life has the potential to be great. It has the potential to make others great. The borders mentioned in my stories would fall under the geographical category. It really doesn't matter what borders are out there. All of them can be expanded. All of them can be busted. How about we expand them so far that you have to strain to see them. Are you with me? My hope is that you will see what I saw. I can be used ANYWHERE on this planet if I am willing to go. So can you. You can decide right now what and how that will look. It will be different for each one of us but therein lies the beauty. What a wonderful thing to watch! It is an amazing sight when people step up, bust their borders and are forever changed. Some may not be the risk taker that others are. Okay, I get that. Just don't use it as an excuse. Look for the reasons why you should. It is easy to convince yourself not to do something. The hard lies in the greatness of pursuing what some consider unobtainable. If you are reading this post you still have time. Don't let your life have borders. Don't box yourself in. Bust through those borders. It is not all roses but it will have more impact on you than if you stayed status quo. Remember, it's about the dash!

Do As I Do, Not as I Complain

   As president of the elementary school's PTA, of which two of my three children attend, I encounter lots of interesting people. Recently I received two letters from people who had different complaints regarding our PTA. One letter was well written and respectful (although not representative of actuality) while the other was neither. It brought me back to my days working at a daily newspaper where I would sort through the letters to the editor for the sports department. People surely have quite an imagination! Those letters then and some of the stuff I receive today troubles me. All of this makes me wonder at what point in time did we become a society of whiners. Not all of us are. There are a lot of people who get things done. Non-griping, get-things-done kind of people exist everywhere. However, Monday morning quarterbacks are cropping up everywhere. They are experts in giving unsolicited advice and feel like everyone needs to hear from them. Why is that? Do you know? For the life of me I have yet to figure this out.

   I am not trying to be harsh or negative but this is not a topic you can really dance around. Have you ever talked to a "critic" after you completed a project or pulled off a successful event and they tell you the five things you did "wrong" or could have done better? Do you know people who consistently complain about anything, anyone and everything no matter who or what is proposed or talked about? They always have a better way of doing things but when asked to help they disappear. If this is you then I want to help you. I implore you to be part of the solution and not rip people for the sake of doing so. Instead of complaining find ways to participate in the process. Lots of people have beefs but not so many have solutions. Constant griping and complaining shows immaturity and does zero to help build up anyone. Part of being an adult is modeling good behavior. We won't always get it right but we have to do better. It is time to put up!

  I was not offended by the two letters I received. When you lead an organization of which there are over 900 families involved you are bound to ruffle a few feathers. People will not always agree with a person's leadership or direction. However, I am secure in my leadership so that stuff rolls right off of me. You have to have tough skin and not take things personally. People are bound to tell you what they think and sometimes it is unfiltered. The first letter I received took umbrage with the type of fundraiser our PTA rolled out. We are currently without a fundraising leader so picking out a fall fundraiser basically fell on my shoulders. We raised over $41,000.00 so I think we did just fine. I asked them to get involved but was rejected. The thing about me is I do not give people a pass when it comes to their criticism. So, if you bring a complaint to me you can bet I am going to thank you and then call you to action. Be prepared! The second letter ripped one of my leaders in an uncalled for and immature way. I won't stand for that! I challenged this person to try other means to connect with this leader and find ways to support the person. No response. The sound of crickets is deafening.

   The bottom line is we need to find ways to help and not hinder. We all need to look for opportunities where we can build people up and encourage. There are a lot of people out there doing a ton of great things. People are motivated and are passionate and want to bring change. I applaud them and their efforts. However, I really want to see the people who constantly gripe and complain use that energy for something positive. Why not? What is the harm in that? There is no harm. It is much easier to send an e-mail ripping someone than it is to send one asking how they could use your help. Less complaining and more action is a recipe for bringing great and positive change. Do me a favor the next time you want to rip into your pastor, PTA president, principal, teacher, child or anyone else for something trivial: don't do it! Thank them for their work and dedication. They will appreciate it. Trust me! You will notice a difference in your demeanor and attitude when you make a conscious effort to leave the complaining behind. We can make our communities much better places to live, work, socialize and get things done when we stop criticizing and complaining and start doing. No spectators allowed. Remember, it is about the dash!

Fanatically Insane

   This past week I watched a documentary called Catching Hell on ESPN. It was the story of how a man named Steve Bartman innocently became the most maligned person in Chicago after trying to catch a foul ball during the 2003 National League Championship Series between the Florida Marlins and Chicago Cubs. Apparently his "interference" cost the Cubs the game and the series. People threw beer at him, hurled verbal insults at him and used his last name as a punch line for jokes. They chanted an expletive during the rest of the game directed at Bartman. You can imagine what word it was. All of this caused this poor man to go into hiding fearful for his life. One part of the documentary shows security escorting him out of the stadium. Sadly, they were afraid for him too.

   In 2010 an eight year old New York Jets fan, wearing his favorite team's jersey, was tackled in the parking lot by a drunken fan after watching his beloved Jets beat the Cleveland Browns in overtime in Cleveland. This was after he had hot dogs thrown at him and called expletives right to his face during the contest. Back in March of this year a San Francisco Giants fan, Bryan Stow, was attacked walking to his car after a game with the Los Angeles Dodgers in Los Angeles. He was beaten so bad by two men that he laid in a coma for months and only recently was able to speak again. His family says his medical bills will cost fifty million dollars. The doctor treating him said that his road to recovery has a long way to go and he is not out of the woods yet. Lovely isn't it. I don't believe so.

   I have done a lot of thinking about this lately. Watching this documentary the other night about Bartman really bothered me. My heart broke for this guy. Reading stories about an adult tackling a kid in the parking lot after drinking himself into oblivion infuriates me. The fact that fans think it is okay to beat someone into a coma leaving him for dead just because he roots for another team makes my blood boil. What about you? I think any sane person would agree. What kind of a society have we really become where we think it is okay to do these kinds of things to people? A lot of this nonsense has spilled over into to younger leagues of our children. I am sure you have seen this yourself. I just want it to stop.

   The word fan is actually short for fanatic and it means, " a person with an uncritical enthusiasm or zeal." I am a fan of different sports teams myself. I am more than a fan and not just a fan all in one. More on that though some other time. We all have our favorites and there is nothing wrong with rooting with all of your zeal for your team. I do it all of the time. However, as a fan of different teams there is a line we should never cross. Tackling a child, beating a man senseless and vilifying a fan of your own team because he tried to catch a foul ball is ridiculously criminal. We should root for our teams but we need to do it with some self control. Last year I watched the Jets advance to the AFC championship game for the second year in a row (only to lose again, unfortunately for me). I ended up leaving Facebook for a while because of the vitriol hurled in my direction by people who should have known better. It should not be that way but it was. People really need to just grow up. Unfortunately some won't ever get there.

   I will always be passionate about my team as should you. However none of us should get to the point where we become out of control fans. Cheer loudly for your team. Get excited and have a blast. Be responsible when you do it though. Show people some grace too. The Bartman case really gets me (even though the other two cases resulted in much worse). This guy's life will never be the same as long as he lives in Chicago. He stopped showing up to work. He became invisible because he was afraid. The city did not help it either. They held a "party" at a local restaurant where they blew the ball up. Apparently the Cubs were cursed so they needed to blow the ball to smithereens. So much for that. They still stink. The city owed Bartman an apology. They owed him grace. Neither of which did he ever receive.

   What does acting like an imbecilic fan really accomplish? Nothing really. It just shows how uncivil and self absorbed people have become. Folks like this look foolish, immature and ludicrous all at the same time. It is kind of the trifecta of idiocy. I do think the teams, stadiums and ballparks are liable too. Trust me I am not giving them a free pass. They are not faultless in this whatsoever. It is a money grab for them. Close down the concessions and money is lost. In the end though people need to be responsible for themselves. Kids need to be able to attend a sporting event where they do not have to worry about being tackled. Adults should act like it and set the example. It is not the fault of anyone else when people go fanatically insane. They only need to look in the mirror. When is this madness going to stop? Maybe it will when someone like Bryan Stow does not wake up from a coma. Let's hope not. Remember it's about the dash.

  

 
   
   

Being Odd By Not Getting Even

   This time of the year a lot of television fans are gearing up for the previews of their favorite shows. Whether it is Modern Family, Law & Order, CSI, Dancing With the Stars or Glee people are excited about the premieres. Everyone has a favorite it seems. Every fall the major networks broadcast some new shows in hopes of finding the next big one. This year one show caught my eye. It is premiering right now as I am typing this post. It is called Revenge. Recently while driving around Raleigh I noticed a billboard advertising this new show. I thought that was interesting. The more I thought about it the more intrigued I became. The topic of revenge filled my mind. Questions started to go through my head. What makes us want revenge? Why can't we just turn the other cheek? Why can't we just forgive and move on? The topic sells advertising for networks and people will watch. Because, really that is all that matters, right? I don't think so.

   Revenge is defined by Webster as "to exact punishment or expiation for a wrong; an opportunity to retaliate or gain satisfaction." Let's face it gang: revenge feels good! There are a lot of other things in life that feel good but are not healthy for us. Revenge is no different. People all over the world have been done wrong by someone at one point in their life. I will admit that I have wished bad on others who have done me wrong. And I have probably done that more than once. What about you? Be honest now. I think if we were brutally honest with ourselves we would discover more thoughts of revenge than we could ever have imagined. I don't feel the need to list all of the reasons why we would want to exact revenge. I think that is pretty obvious. I just want to know why.

    The way I see it revenge is the easy way out. We see it on television, movies, and in fictional books. It is made to look glamorous. Hollywood can take anything and make it look sexy and appealing. Kind of like how smoking was made to look fifty years' ago. Look how that turned out. Revenge makes us feel like we are back on even ground with the person or people who have done us wrong. We do not want people to one-up us and if they do we are going to make them pay. They need to pay dearly for their "crime" against us. We want to see them hurt so they can know what it feels like. And on and on we justify it. We convince ourselves six ways to Sunday that they should go down. Really, we are the ones who suffer. We end up doing more harm to ourselves than we could have ever thought. We waste precious time plotting the demise of someone else and wishing harm on them. With that we lose traction in our heart and become hardened people. It is a decision we will soon regret.

   We can go through life one of two ways when people do us wrong. We can harbor resentment, anger and bitterness to that person or persons or we can work towards letting it go and forgiving. The choice is not that easy some might say. Well, you are right. Why is that? Because we hurt. We feel pain. Our lives are turned upside down. We experience betrayal and are decimated by actions of other people. I get it. I know. Forgiveness is not easy but it is extremely necessary. Revenge looks cool. You don't think there are people who want a piece of Bernie Madoff or Enron? Think again. We don't have to convince each other that bad things happen to good people. The Internet, newspapers and magazines are filled with sad stories. Every day we hear one. Maybe you have experienced it. I feel for people who go through this. I am sure we can all empathize. And we do. We share in your pain.

   The point is what do we do about it. Can we get ourselves to the place where we can forgive and move on? The answer is yes. We are called to forgive. It does not mean we forget what happened and it does not mean we are buddies again. Forgiveness releases freedom in your life! Why wouldn't we want that? When you forgive others you are no longer held hostage by thoughts of revenge. You move on and you are not stuck spinning your wheels.  What happens if we do not forgive? To me it is simple. If we do not forgive we will walk around a very angry person. We will be so caught up in getting back at other people and making them pay that we will lose sight of our purpose and destiny in this world. It is a trick and a lot of us buy into. So, what's the answer? Be odd. Forgive and move on. Getting even will not help you. It will only hurt you and others. Deep down inside most of us really do not want revenge. It is not glamorous. It is deadly. Let's petition Hollywood for a TV show about forgiveness. You with me? Remember, it's about the dash.

In Search of Heroes

   Most of us had a hero or heroine growing up. There was someone out there we believed could do anything and do it well. Maybe it was a family member or friend. Maybe it was someone we watched on television, in movies or heard on the radio. Maybe our hero was someone who is no longer living on earth but we loved what they represented. Whatever the details are or were the fact is we all had a hero or heroine. Whomever this person was we were sure they could take on anything. Webster defines heroic as "involving recourse to boldness, daring or extreme measures." Wow, heroes are bold and daring? You think? Every hero is similar because of what they DO! So, I believe that begs the question: What is a true hero? We are about to find out.

   Watching some of the stories of 9-11 might make you rethink your heroic definition. It has for me. Maybe this time of the year makes me think more about heroes because of the great tragedy that occurred and the people who traded a continuation of life's precious breaths for courage. Tragedies have a way sometimes of uncovering them. Imagine if we did not wait for tragedies and just lived with a heroic purpose. That would be remarkable. There are heroic people living today. Some are living their lives like a hero even though they could care less about what people think. I like that trait. It is not arrogance but rather humility. Heroes see needs and problems and sprint into action. They despise injustice. They want to pour something into other people. They believe their purpose on this earth is far greater than amassing wealth and material things. Now that is heroic. And so were these guys.

   Do the names Pablo Ortiz and Frank De Martini ring a bell? Unless you were friends with them or were related you probably have not heard of them. I had not heard of them before. That was until I watched a program last weekend about their heroic efforts on the 88th floor of the North Tower on that fateful day, September 11, 2001. They were two ordinary guys who lived like heroes. I would say extraordinary. Both worked for the Port Authority of New York. They had mercy and compassion for their fellow tower-mates trying to survive a horror. They had life and gave up their last breath so many others could continue on. Talk about the ultimate sacrifice! You probably would never see them on the cover of GQ or Men's Health. Their lives were defined by something greater than looks or popularity. It was about the dash. This way of life does not care about outward or physical appearances. They gave up their lives so 77 other people could live. Were they true heroes? You bet they were! Sounds like a great idea for a magazine. I am on it!

   There were many heroes on that day ten years ago. I am sure there were many we may never hear about. This world needs more "Franks" and "Pablos." Earlier in this post I asked the question: "What is a true hero?" My take is simple. Heroes have no idea they are one. A hero is someone who gives up something. Maybe they give up their time or their energy. Maybe they give up their life. Maybe they sell all of their possessions and use their money to help a cause. Heroes give what they have. They do not just give give from their excess. They sacrifice something and don't live life like a bystander.  Money, fame and greed have contributed to the downward spiral of a lot of spotlight "heroes." Glory hounds are everywhere. We are a narcissistic culture. Am I wrong here? I don't think so. Who are the true heroes who live among us? They are not hard to find. We just need to know where to look.

   We need to be careful who we put on pedestals these days and anoint as heroes. Most heroes are not in the spotlight or at least do not crave it. They are people who start a non-profit to help reduce hunger or domestic violence. They are people who teach, protect and/or serve others. Look around your neighborhoods, ball-fields, classrooms, community centers, gyms, convenience stores--they are everywhere. They are brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, friends, colleagues, husbands and wives. They are people who leave behind their families and friends for a cause or mission somewhere around the world. Maybe their cause is right in front of them.  Our schools, churches and non-profit organizations need them. Doctor and dentist offices need them. Corporate America and government need them. Law offices and banks need them. Inner cities and rural areas need them. Poor countries need them. Drug addicts and prostitutes need them. You get the point? Everyone needs a hero. We need to find them. Are you one? Remember, it's about the dash.

Got Comfort?

   Recently I read the book called "Not a Fan." I began reading it on my way to see family this summer. The flight felt like it lasted five minutes (I love books like that). I kept turning the pages (well, clicking the next page button on my Kindle) agreeing with so much of what the author had written. I hoped the flight would last long enough so I could read the whole book. It did not. I finished the book in a few days and found myself trying to articulate the message of the book to others. It was clear to me. I was too comfortable. In a weird way it was comforting to know I needed to be more uncomfortable. This idea is counter-culture, right? Watch television or listen to your radio. Drive this car, buy this phone, wear these clothes. Be comfortable. Scary, is it not?

   As a man of faith I believe I am NOT called to a life of comfort. My existence should revolve around what I do for others. Is that hard for us to understand? Yes, it is. Why is that? Well, we are all selfish people trying to live selfless lives. Talk about tension. If we look at the life Jesus Christ lived while on this earth we gain a great perspective. He was born in a nasty, smelly manger and died a gruesome death on a cross. I think that was the epitome of being uncomfortable don't you? Yes, I know He was the Son of God and He had His purpose. He and the apostles were often uncomfortable in day to day life. Should we expect the same discomfort? Yes, without a doubt. He even told us so. A lot of teaching out there talks about selfless living. Some of you reading this may have different views on faith. No matter who or what we believe we have no excuse. Selfless is number one. Oh, the irony!

   Let me give you some real-life personal examples of being uncomfortable. In June 2010 my family and I moved to North Carolina. My wife Deb and I were clear about the direction. I had a job to come to and she was going back to school to complete her undergraduate degree. The plan was perfect--so we thought. Not too long into it I felt like former New York Met Carlos Beltran looking at strike three with the bases loaded in the bottom of the tenth of Game 7 of the 2006 NLCS (yes, still bitter Carlos). A different pitch was delivered. I needed to adjust but I froze. I could empathize with the former Met. What do we do now? A main focus of us coming here shifted, or at least that is what we thought. It was time to go to work on ourselves. Seriously? That sounds like fun, right? Yeah, not so much! It was the real plan all along and it was uncomfortable. It still is to some degree. Welcome to your life!

   Looking at your life and seeing the things that you need to change is never easy. It sucks really. You start with denial and then you justify certain behavior. I wonder why we bother wasting all of that time and energy. I mean, why do we fight it? I did. I went into self-preservation. Why? It is easy. I did not want to be uncomfortable because deep down inside a nerve had been struck. And then another and another. It hurts too. Trust me on that one. Uncomfortable? I think so. You are on the operating table of life and the Great Surgeon is perfecting His masterpiece. It is a process of transformation. You are being made into who He wants you to be. You are His work of art. The molding and shaping seemed more intense. It was about to be taken up a notch.

   Summer was underway and Deb and the kids had taken off for summer vacation. I was to join them in a few weeks. Then the walls closed in fast. The uncomfortable feeling became more intense. On July 15, 2011 I was let go by my employer. The solace of a weekly paycheck and knowing my family would be provided for was gone. How is that for being uncomfortable? Many of you have gone through this. Unemployment is at an all-time high. I can empathize. I woke up on July 16 and the comfort I was used to feeling vanished like a New York pizza after one of my visits to Long Island. What do we do now? Throw in the towel? Put our house up for sale? Not a chance. Trials are a gift. I think that part of faith gets skimmed over. As hard as it was (and still is) I would not trade the uncomfortable experience for anything. Greatness is found in the midst of the hard. You have two choices. What are you going to do? Quit or persevere? You know the answer I bet.


   So, what do we do now? Do we wake up tomorrow and throw all of our worldly possessions away? Do we give all of our comfy time to worthy causes? Do we quit our jobs or move to another state? Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. That is not for me to say. Perhaps you start by asking yourself some questions about how comfortable you have it. Maybe you reorganize your priorities. What are you living for? Sacrifice some of your comfort for the sake of others. Make dinner for your neighbor whose husband or wife serves in the military. Get involved in your community. Be a coach or a mentor. Teach a group of kids a skill. Volunteer somewhere, anywhere. Make a difference! Be a good dad or mom to your kids. Love your wife or husband more. Spend time with them. They are worth it. Turn off the cell phone, laptop, iPod and television (I am just about to). Being uncomfortable is okay. We need it! You will survive. Trade your comforts in and get a better deal. Remember, it's about the dash!

Finally My First One

   For a long time I have talked about doing this. I even started the process a few times. For some reason I was not ready. Either that or it was not important enough. Regardless, I am really excited about doing this! I hope you will get as much out of it as I do. This arena will allow me to share with you what goes on inside of my head. I promise that it will not be every thought because that could be a little dangerous. My goal is for this to be a place where I can challenge, inspire, influence, encourage, lead or even teach you. Hopefully I can do at least one of those things. It will also allow me to learn. I want to learn through this blog and hear what you think. Look at this like it is a conversation. I write and you read. You e-mail and tell me what you think. Your take is important to me. Your perspective is original just like you. Do we have a deal? I hope so. My pledge is to be real and transparent. For me there is no other way.

   Recently I wrote on my Facebook page that I had started to dream again. Have you ever read the book "Dream Giver" by Bruce Wilkinson? I recommend it if you have not. It changed my life and taught me that our dreams never stop. We stop them. Interesting, huh? I know there is more inside of me and you. We live in a world with great need. I love to hear stories about how people do things using their God-given gifts and talents to make a difference. It happens all of the time. It is happening right now. When I dream I feel a surge of new ideas going through my mind. Once again I began taking stock of who I am, how I am designed and what on Earth I am here for.  It happens every so often. I want it to happen more regularly. This blog is all part of the process. My hope is that it intersects with your life and dreams. Let's help each other. Sound good?

   You may be wondering about the name of my blog. Here is the story. I read a lot and had read "Chasing Daylight" by Erwin McManus. In the book he wrote something that has stuck with me. One night a group of us were doing a study surrounding this book via DVD. In one section of the video (and in the book) he asked this question: "What are you doing with your dash?" He went on to define the dash. It follows your year of birth and precedes your year of death. Mine looks like this: 1971-year. Insert your birth year. Does it make you think just a little? It does me and I hope I never stop thinking. He was asking us to look at our lives and see what has come of it. It is not about beating yourself up but rather inspiring yourself for more. It made perfect sense to me at the time. It still does today. What are you doing with your dash?

   So, it begs the question. Are we living for selfish reasons or selfless ones? I am sure for all of us it is a little of both. Maybe for you it has been more selfish. No problem. You are here and there is still time. What we do is significant. Change is hard but necessary. Trust me I know. I look at it this way. We all have potential to be great. Sure, not all of us will be president or sell a million records. Life is not all about prestige or fame. It is not about position or titles. It is not about holding on to our potential either. I would hate to leave this life where people talked more about what I could have done than what I did. Let's make a pact, okay? We all solemnly swear to uphold the office of our lives and give everything we have to make our world better than it was before we were born. We solemnly swear to discover our gifts and talents and use them for good. We will never stop dreaming. We will never live our lives satisfied. We will never think we have arrived. I promise. Do you? Imagine what could be done if we all did that. Wow! The possibilities are endless.

   The blog title represents your life and mine. I hope it spurs us to think and take stock of our lives. It is meant to challenge. I want your best. You have to want your best too. Your family, friends, neighbors, co-workers want your best. The world needs it. Change happens when we put into action the tools we have been given. Talk is cheap and people need more. You are important and you have value. One of the songs that comes to mind as I write this is an old Switchfoot tune. We were meant to live for so much more. It's about the dash.