Whatever You Do, Don't...

   Whatever you do, don't make assumptions of others. Don't assume you know anything about why they decided to do it--whatever it is. They will make decisions without consulting you. Don't assume you know why. Don't assume you understand. You probably don't. Don't believe what you hear second or third hand. The story probably is distorted. It always is when different people sink their teeth into it. People love to make assumptions and to be honest they are often wrong. I would intimate that people are wrong 95 percent of the time. No, the five percent does not make it worth it either. If you are like me there are times in your life when you have made assumptions about someone. I think it is human nature to make assumptions but it does not make it okay. It happens in our workplaces, neighborhoods, churches, schools, families and friendships. I am sure we have all heard the expression of what happens when we assume. It is true and each one of us knows it.

  The word assume is defined as, "to take for granted or without proof; suppose; postulate." For me, there is a phrase that jumps out in that definition. It is "without proof." We are basing our assumption(s) on some second or third hand information or perhaps have connected our own dots. Perhaps we interject our own life experiences into the equation. We are short on proof but big on conjecture. I have often wondered why people don't just pick up the phone or ask to meet. You would think in this day and age with technology we would be able to be better at communicating. Actually I believe the reverse is the case. We are worse at communication. Too much technology is a part of it but sometimes we just lack the guts to go to someone and get the truth. I know I did. In college I thought my baseball coach hated me. I thought he hated northerners (I went to school in Virginia and am from NY). Boy, was I wrong! It made for an uncomfortable situation--for me! There are a plethora of reasons why we assume and quite frankly none of them cuts the mustard. It didn't for me and it won't for you.

  Not making assumptions can be difficult. If we are in a group setting perhaps it gives us some chatter or something lively to talk about. That can only be defined as gossip. There is another word that normally does not have a happy ending. People sometimes make assumptions and hold onto them for years. Can you imagine the damage that can do to a person and a relationship? It can be extensive. It is not healthy and it wastes a ton of our time. We lose traction if we are persistent with our assumptions. Our worldview gets distorted. Lots of times we do it to protect ourselves. I think some of us just check out because making assumptions is just easier. It is the lazy way out, really. It makes things worse. How could we think otherwise? We would rather sit and list a litany of reasons why someone is doing something or has done something than to actually have a conversation with them. It is a road to nowhere. Face to face is where it is at. Pick up the phone if you are too far away. Stop assuming. Nothing good ever comes of it.

 So, what do we do moving forward? The first thing in any situation is to take stock of where we are.  Now, I am not by any means Dr. Phil but I know from my own experience that in order to change I have to identify the "what" and have a game plan moving forward. Maybe it would help if we started talking more to people about what we are going through. You know, good ol' communication with a trusted friend or confidant. Find that person who won't just blow smoke. Ask for help. I tell my five year old that all of the time. I need to tell myself that too! Most of the time these poor assumptions are made in the context of a relationship. Whether it is your spouse, neighbor, co-worker, family member is not the point. The main thought here is that we need to put an end to thinking what other people are supposedly thinking. Chances are they aren't thinking what you are thinking. Don't get caught up in assumptions. Rise above the temptation. Make that call or go and talk to that person. What do you have to lose? Well, a lot actually--if you don't! Remember, it's about the dash.