Where Are You Going?

  The other day I was driving through downtown Raleigh and was sitting in my car at a stoplight. Nearby was a soup kitchen which serves lunch for people in need. As I sat at the stoplight a homeless man, whose face had that cold and leathery look, walked across the street in front of my car. He evidently had just finished eating at the soup kitchen. As he walked in front of my car my eyes were fixated on him as he reached the other side. I wondered several things to myself about him. Ultimately, I wanted to know: Where was he going?

 While I am sure I've made assumptions about this man, personal experience would tell me I was pretty accurate on my assessment of him. However, this post is not about making assumptions. It's about asking ourselves some tough questions. With many things in life we don't really have a plan or purpose. We have no idea where we are and ultimately don't know where we are headed. I don't know if the man who walked in front of my car had any particular place to go. However, his steps across the street caused me to pause and ask myself, "Where are you going, Kevin?"

 Of course I am talking in a figurative sense. I was pretty sure where I was headed next in the literal sense behind the wheel of my car. Over the past week, however, I did some serious soul searching. I looked inside of me and took inventory. Honestly, I tend NOT to do this often. People who are choleric, sanguine personalities know two things: We are right and we are about having fun. And that can be difficult and prevent you from preparing for your future. Take it from one who has lived it.

 So, where am I going? I am going places for sure. I was born to push it. I was born to make things happen. My destiny is not about the status-quo. This much I know is true. I want to bring change and want to succeed or fail on my own terms. I don't walk around making decisions based on what others think is the best. I'm very much in touch with who I am and have a great amount of confidence. However, I keep coming back to that burning question: Where are you going, Kevin?

 Well, I am in the process of discovering the answer. I am going to dig deep and ask myself some hard questions. I'm going to read and learn and I'm going to talk to other people and see. Successful people have a desire to achieve more. One way they do this is to talk to other successful people. We can learn so much from others. We just have to be willing to do one thing which choleric, sanguines don't always do well: LISTEN! We have to be willing to put our pride aside and ask ourselves some really tough questions. You might want to ask yourself first: Where am I?

 Go on a journey with yourself. Take some time to figure out where you are right now. Figure out where you want to go. What do you want to do with your life? Where do you want to go? Don't let anything stand in your way. Dream big and don't limit yourself to geography or doing what others expect. Each person has their own destiny. Find someone to hold you accountable. Formulate your plan. Get excited about it! Look at it every day. Where are you going? Your dash is counting on you!

 

Winning IS Everything, But...

  The day my mother brought me into this world was great. If there was a contest with the other babies being born that day on who would come out first, I would have wanted to win. I had no understanding of winning or losing but if I did I would have thought, "I'm going to beat those other babies!" Somewhere along the way the competitive fire which burns deep inside began. Life does begin at conception so I'll say that's when the competitive fire was lit. Now, forty-two years later winning is still everything but I think the other night I gained some valuable perspective.

  Running is my outlet. I love to go out and shut the world out for a while. It's my time. No one can take it away from me. I was finishing up my run the other night when the thought occurred to me that I've spent a lot of time tracking my runs. I've spent time calculating the mileage. In essence, I've been competing with me. A lot of my life revolves around competition. As I finished that run I wondered: Is anything off limits? Is there anything not worth wanting to win? The best answer I can give is yes and no.

  Most of you know I am in sales. It fits my personality and it stokes my competitive fire. There's nothing better to me than taking an account from a competitor. I win and they lose. Sounds like a lot of fun. It certainly is! I also coach a 14U travel baseball team and spend a good 10 months of the year (at least) focused on winning. I always ask my guys why we play. Their answer is always, "To win." Ultimately, that's what we want to do every time. We are about results and winning is king.

  Losing is very, very bad. I don't do well with losing and never will. There are few things in life I don't do well with. They are being hungry, cold, not having my surroundings neat and tidy and LOSING. When I lose or when our team loses I don't want to eat, talk, laugh, drive, run, etc. I just want to stare and shut everything around me out. Pretty whacked for sure. Eventually I come around but I have a process and losing takes time to leave my system.

  I compete with people at the grocery store, the mall, playing a board game for fun (as if), driving on the highway and can find virtually anything to compete with people. Most of the time they don't even know I'm trying to beat them. I make up a game unbeknownst to a random, poor soul and usually win. Yes, I am a competitive freakshow. If I was a student I'd be competing with every other student. I am a sore loser in that I hate to lose.

 Back to the other night though. I want to find something that I enjoy physically where I don't actually compete. I've concluded that I want running to be that one thing. Sure, if I run a race then that changes things tremendously. I am running to win. However, if I'm not training and I go outside to blow off some steam then I need for it to be just that. I need to enjoy it more and not let it become competitive. It has to be for, dare I say it--fun!

 Over time I've learned how to control the competitiveness inside. Back in my 20's and early 30's I didn't have the self-control needed after losing. I broke a golf club on my wedding day playing a round before I married my best friend. The ball went right and didn't hook. Bad ball! And the club went flying. Really, who does that? I did and not proud to say so.

 Winning IS everything but I must remember that the dash doesn't represent wins or losses. It must represent how I loved, honored and gave. The dash is about what I did with the gifts I was given. I believe I was given the competitiveness for a specific reason or reasons. Little by little that purpose will be revealed. This competitive fire burns for something much more than winning at everything. I'll keep it in mind the next visit to the grocery store or the next board game I play. The dash says so.

 

You Make the Call

    Have you ever made a decision in your life where everything didn't happen smoothly? I bet we could all answer that question with a resounding, "YES"!  All of our decisions whether they worked out or not are our own. We should take responsibility for them. We learn from what may have gone awry (hopefully) and look to use those experiences for our good next time.

  The older I get the more I see people concerning themselves more with what others are doing and less about their own lives. The other day I posted on Facebook that if we spent more time in self-reflection rather than the scrutinization of others the world would be better for it. I can't help but wonder what could be.

  There will be people who will not agree with what you decide. That is inevitable and okay. However, we as decision makers each need to live our lives not as people pleasers. Sure, it's good to bounce things off of others especially the big decisions you might make. It's good to take time and think things through. If you are a person of faith you may pray about it. You may ask others to pray. These are all great steps and I'm sure there are others. In the end though you have to make the call. You stand by your decision and support it. Bottom line: The buck stops with you and no one else.

  Going back to my Facebook post I believe we could all improve upon how we process other people's decisions. Yours truly included. I think of all of the things wrong in our world and then I see us fixated on what other people have decided more than we should. What a waste of time this is! There are many things we all could be doing with our time--items which are more productive for life, love and freedom. Time is precious. Let's all take a different approach. You'll be respected if you do.

  People are hungry, thirsty, over-burdened, over-worked, over-taxed, sick, exhausted, addicted and on and on. We should be more prudent about applying our time towards the above or trying to make a difference in our local, national and even world communities. Yapping about what so and so did and how he/she/they didn't do what you thought he/she/they should do is wrong. Even more wrong are the subsequent gossipy conversations. All of it is wasteful, tragic and it eats away at our hearts.

  All of us will make decisions that don't work out. It's life folks. Let people be. Hopefully they'll learn something. And if people don't make the decision you think they should pick up the phone and talk to them. Ask to meet with them. See what's going on in their life or lives. Take more of an interest and I guarantee people will respond positively to your inquiry. If people don't ask you your opinion then be okay with that too. No need to be offended. It's all good.

  Personal responsibility is at an all-time low. We live in a country where more people rely on government assistance than ever before. It's killing us. So, when people go through a process and make a decision we need to respect it. They've taken personal responsibility. Applaud that even if you disagree with their decision. Your words are empty if they are not spoken within some level of a relationship. We should speak truth to one another with the right attitude. If not then we are just spewing nonsense. Be about your own dash and let others mind theirs. You make the call.

 

Back In the Saddle

  After about a year away from writing I have decided to restart the blog. Hold your applause please!:)

  There are so many things which go through my head every day. It's a good thing I don't say a few of them. I think I've learned to have more of a filter. Maybe that wisdom has come with age. They say you don't really hit your stride until you are in your 40's. I'm not sure who 'they' are but I'm a few years beyond the 40-year mark. Perhaps there's something more there regarding the filter. Hey, I've got a few tomorrows left to find out. I certainly hope that's the case.

 I am not someone who likes to begin things just because it's a new year. I've always been a believer in starting new things all of the time. New Year's resolutions are rarely seen through. It doesn't mean we shouldn't work to be better people. However, a calendar's date shouldn't dictate when to take on a new challenge. Evaluate yourself and add or subtract each day. It's all I really know to be true for me.

  I have found the blog to be my other voice. It's where I feel I can expound upon topics which I am extremely passionate about. Facebook rants are the thing of the past for me. I'm sure you are all relieved! My posts can be about work, sports, politics, family, friends, injustice or really anything I feel moved to share. The blog is my space. It's where I can be me and let the creativity flow.

  I have had some people ask me about the blog and wondered if I'd be posting again. I had thought about writing posts from time to time but since last February that's all I have done. Honestly, I think I've really missed writing. I've missed using my space creatively. I've missed sharing my heart and using this God-given gift. Now I feel like a million bucks.

  I don't consider myself to be anything more than a common man who wants to see other people live their lives on purpose and do it with passion. I want to see people become all our Creator intended. In doing some self-reflection I realized I wasn't living my life on purpose as it relates to writing. How can I expect others to do what I've not been doing myself. The truth is I can't. A leader worth one's salt should know better!

So, "The Dash" is back. I am excited to begin this new journey. I've redesigned the look of the page and tried to give it a fresh reset. I'm not a page designer but I do the best I can. Knowing your strengths also involves realizing your weaknesses. Writing this has given me some new focus and inspiration. I welcome it! As you move forward in your own life don't ever forget about your dash. Your life is all about it!