Hope For the Hopeless

   When I was in school students used to refer to some of their "loser" classmates as lost causes. Perhaps you remember too. Maybe you were one of the ridiculed. Students, and unfortunately sometimes teachers, used to say that certain kids were a hopeless cause. Sometimes to their face other times behind their backs. It makes no difference though. It happened in our neighborhoods too. This must have been hard for all of those kids to hear such vitriol. Sure, maybe they did not have it all together. I guess I was a lost cause too because I don't think I had it all together by age 13! I escaped the branding but others close to me did not. Too many times words are spoken and people believe a lie about themselves. Often we go on believing we are a hopeless and a lost cause because it was spoken over us. There is always hope though. However, we listen to the voices that tell us lies. And we believe what they say. But hope springs eternal.

  This past week I finished a book that really stimulated this hope for the hopeless topic. It is the story of Josh Hamilton and his comeback from extreme drug abuse. He is the current major league ballplayer who plays baseball for the Texas Rangers. And he is my hero. He was the can't miss high school baseball phenom. Loaded with talent people said he was the next Mickey Mantle. He could hit a ball 450 feet with ease and throw it 95-97 miles per hour effortlessly. Talent like that does not come along every day. It is rare to see a lefthander have the ability to throw with that kind of velocity. He was the number one draft pick out of Athens Road High School here in Raleigh, NC in 1999 by the Tampa Bay Rays. It is the dream of a lot of boys to play major league baseball when they grow up. Baseball has its lure. The darkness offers pleasures too. He was living that dream until the nightmare began.

  A few years into his pro career the bottom fell out and the can't miss kid, the so-called next Mickey Mantle, would enter the dark and destructive world of drugs. Cocaine and crack were his demons of choice. That darkness was a place that only God could pull him back from. Josh said so himself. Many people wrote him off. Of course he hurt people along the way. He hurt his wife and kids and family. He readily admits so in the book. He was deemed a lost cause. He even thought so himself. Hope was fading fast. However in the Creator's eyes there is no such thing as a "lost cause." God never wrote him off. His wife told him that one day he would come back and play ball and that there was going to be a greater purpose. No one is ever truly hopeless. No situation is ever truly hopeless. Not when there is a God like mine. It could only take divine intervention to bring Josh back from the darkest of all worlds. No matter how destructive our behavior He is forever the Savior.

  Reading Josh's story had such a profound affect on me. For some reason the book just kept on resonating in my head. I couldn't shake it and I couldn't figure out why. I was in the shower a few days after I finished reading it and was thinking about his story and then it hit me. I remembered my own dark time. Back in college I got caught up in gambling on pro and college sports. I was in deep. It consumed me for a season. It was my drug. In a small school, like the one I attended, word gets around and people talk. It could have been a lot worse though. When you are playing with money you don't have it is dangerous and foolish. One night after doubling down and now being in the hole somewhere in the thousands (of which I could not pay) I took a trip to see the bet-taker. He was gracious and erased my bets for the night. When I left I was thankful I could do so walking on two feet. Still, I had a large tab, no money and no shot. I deemed it hopeless and yet the One greater intervened. The bet-taker got caught and my tab was erased. There was hope for the hopeless.

  There are many stories of hope out there. Maybe you have one. I had mine. They are on all different levels but nonetheless a hopeless story that turned out hopeful is an inspiration for others. Josh Hamilton's story has inspired lots of people. People would say if Josh could come back so could they. I bet they still say it. Folks were bringing their drug addict friends and family to the ballpark so maybe Josh could talk to them and inspire them. I bet they still bring them to see him. I guess there was a bigger purpose. His wife was right. Your life can have that same affect. Maybe it already has. Someday I would love to meet Josh and have dinner with him. I would love to thank him. His story is tremendous and heroic. Let's never give up on those we love no matter how hopeless everyone else thinks they are. There is a God who never gives up. I am living proof that no one is ever a hopeless cause. And so are you. Remember, it's about the dash!

A Night to Remember

  Lorraine (not her real name) was wheeled into the party with a smile that would light up any room. She is pretty much confined to a wheelchair but you would never know it bothered her one bit by the way she laughed. You would never know it by the way she talked. I bet she loves parties. This night would not be any different. It was her time. This was her scene and she was alive. She gave me the biggest hug like we were old friends who have not seen each other in years. I wondered how a woman in her condition could be filled with so much joy and happiness. I am not sure I would feel the same. For her, the wheelchair did not win. It may have taken away her freedom to come and go as she pleases but it couldn't take her love and enthusiasm for being at a party. She beamed from ear to ear. It touched my heart and I could feel the tears begin to well up in my eyes. This night was about her though and she came prepared to have the time of her life.

 Corey (not his real name) walked by me with braces to help him walk. They were like crutches only there was a device that wrapped around each arm that extended from the crutch. I am not really sure what they call them. Whatever it was it helped the little man get around. He could not have been more than four or five years old. I watched him go by me with his mom and dad and siblings to the room where the family portraits were being taken. He was happy to be at the dinner party and dressed to the nines. He and I exchanged greetings as they came out to go to their table. Inside I was dying, not that he was looking for my sympathy. I just couldn't fathom what my eyes were witnessing. He is just a little boy with a whole life ahead of him. Yet, his feet never touch the ground as he glided by. My emotions were running high now. But again this night was not about me or my friends. It was about our dinner guests. It was their night in the spotlight. It was their time to shine and Corey was in party mode.

 A few weeks ago I blogged about throwing a party for nobodies. The truth is this is how they are viewed by most people. They get passed by every day and are looked at like they have something ungodly written on their foreheads. To me they are somebodies. They have names, like and dislikes and each one of them has a purpose. They have people in different walks of their lives who care about them though. We just wanted to show we did too. Well, my friends and I pulled it off. We held a dinner party and rolled out the red carpet (literally) for our new friends. We had food, drinks and entertainment. The love was contagious. Our guests were families that are a part of our local community. The night was tremendous. I remember sitting there at one point just taking it all in. It takes a lot of people to pull off what we did. It was our first time but I can pretty much guarantee it would not be our last. This was not charity. It was loving people without conditions. And they were teaching me the meaning of life. They were teaching me to be happy and thankful for what I have. It's a lesson sometimes I forget.

 As the night went on I had the opportunity to mingle with different people. I remember speaking with one woman who was there with her nephew and son. She was clutching the framed picture of the three of them in her hand. She could take the memory of the night with her. The boys were so polite and called me sir. They ate their food and looked at me like I was ten feet tall. To them maybe I was. As the night wore on I watched people pour more than just drinks into glasses. Love was present in this establishment. It was a different kind of love though. It was love without judgment. It is such a great privilege to give that to people. Joy filled the room and lives were touched. And it wasn't just those that came as our guests who were impacted. It's funny how that works sometimes. There is always a lesson to be learned or treasure of life to be grasped. I guess it all depends upon whether or not we are listening and paying attention. All of us can be taught. And you never know who the teacher might be.

 When it was time to go we gave out presents to the families. You could see the excitement in their eyes--especially the children. It felt like Christmas morning. The emotion of the night overwhelmed me again. Now they will be able to wake up like other children and be excited to see what they received. Strangers took the time to pick a name off of a tree and fulfill a child's wish for Christmas. In most cases the two parties never meet each other. I think it is better that way. Giving from our hearts should not include us looking for a "thank-you." Doing the right thing is not about trying to garner praise for ourselves. It is merely about doing the right thing. There is not an earthly reward for that. My friends and I were not looking for people's praise. We just wanted to throw a party for people who may never get invited to a party. It was not about pity but a desire to show people that we live our lives with a selfless perspective. I learned a lot that night and I can't wait to do it again. Remember, it's about the dash!

Wide Left Is Still Right

  We arrived about a month too late. Much to the disappointment of me and two of my three children he had already come and gone. I could see the disappointment in their eyes when we were told he was here, November 5. Devastated? Um, that was the understatement of the year. I remember thinking, "Did he really just say he was already here, November 5." Indeed he did. Not even our eventual trip to Dairy Queen for ice cream would brighten our spirits. I kept hoping it was a mistake. All I could do was rally us back together and try to make the best of a disappointing situation. It was not cool. I felt like a failure and I hated that feeling in the pit of my stomach. It felt like someone just kicked me in the gut. Ouch, that hurts!

  I wanted to yell at someone. Your website was wrong! I even showed them. I was kind and courteous even though I could feel my heart racing a mile a minute. Ten or fifteen years' ago it might have been a different story. I needed to be a good example. Yeah, you get my drift. Leading up to the show, I was burgeoning with excitement. I could not wait for Saturday night to come. It was going to be the surprise that memories are built upon. I thought I had stumbled across a winner. I was beaming as we drove to the destination. He has become our family's favorite. I love to laugh and so do my kids. But then, the rug was pulled out from under our feet. I was crushed and more so because I could see that they were crushed. They were disappointed and there was nothing I could do.

  His name is Tim Hawkins. He is one of the funniest comedians I have ever listened to. He is clean, witty and most of all he makes me and my family laugh. We sit around at dinner doing his lines and then we all laugh. We usually repeat ourselves. My wife looks at us puzzled. "Didn't you guys do that one last night?" Of course we did. They just don't get old. I am all for beating things into the ground. The Cracker Barrel skit is one of our favorites. Last Friday night I was online listening to some of his stand-up and thought I would see if he had any plans to be in our area. Lo and behold, according to a local community college website (where he had apparently already performed), he was in town for four shows. Well, so I thought.  I slept on it and when I awoke my wife and I agreed to purchase tickets online. I should have verified it with his website. I guess my excitement got the best of me. Apparently, I was buying tickets for a Christmas Country show or something. Yeah, not the same thing as seeing a funny man bringing us to hysterics for a few hours. My wife and I thought it would be a tremendous surprise. It would be the night of all nights. At least that is what I hoped.

  My kids understood. They didn't blame me although I wanted to find a hole somewhere and jump in. You know those Southwest Airlines' commercials where the guy says, "Wanna get away?" Well, that was me. I wanted to get away because I felt I let the kids down. I demand excellence of myself in all areas of my life and I felt I had let them down. Has that happened to you? It's awful isn't it? Yeah, it sure is! I know it is a good lesson for our kids to see. I was just hoping some other parent(s) could experience it with their kids instead of me. Nice, huh! Yeah, I don't really wish that. I know that our kids have to see failure. They have to understand what it feels like. In reality we all fail one time or perhaps many times. Our kids can see it. It is okay.

 You know I missed the field goal but I still won the game. I created a memory of something different than I thought. Memories can be positive ones where we show our kids that we are human too. As much of a perfectionist as I may be, I am FAR from it. I strive for it, know I will never really reach it, but still demand it from myself. We put too much pressure on ourselves. I know I do. The world and society should not dictate how we as parents measure success. So, we missed a show but I was able to spend some time with two of my precious gifts. I think one day we will get to see Hawkins' show. I think it will make it more special when we do. Hopefully we will look back and have a laugh or two. Hey, we still had blizzards at DQ. What's not to like about that! I was wide left on my kick but I was still right because it was about them. Spending time with our kids is a necessity. So is having fun with them. I want to help them be kids. They are our pride and joy. Let's never forget it. Remember, it's about the dash!

Whatever You Do, Don't...

   Whatever you do, don't make assumptions of others. Don't assume you know anything about why they decided to do it--whatever it is. They will make decisions without consulting you. Don't assume you know why. Don't assume you understand. You probably don't. Don't believe what you hear second or third hand. The story probably is distorted. It always is when different people sink their teeth into it. People love to make assumptions and to be honest they are often wrong. I would intimate that people are wrong 95 percent of the time. No, the five percent does not make it worth it either. If you are like me there are times in your life when you have made assumptions about someone. I think it is human nature to make assumptions but it does not make it okay. It happens in our workplaces, neighborhoods, churches, schools, families and friendships. I am sure we have all heard the expression of what happens when we assume. It is true and each one of us knows it.

  The word assume is defined as, "to take for granted or without proof; suppose; postulate." For me, there is a phrase that jumps out in that definition. It is "without proof." We are basing our assumption(s) on some second or third hand information or perhaps have connected our own dots. Perhaps we interject our own life experiences into the equation. We are short on proof but big on conjecture. I have often wondered why people don't just pick up the phone or ask to meet. You would think in this day and age with technology we would be able to be better at communicating. Actually I believe the reverse is the case. We are worse at communication. Too much technology is a part of it but sometimes we just lack the guts to go to someone and get the truth. I know I did. In college I thought my baseball coach hated me. I thought he hated northerners (I went to school in Virginia and am from NY). Boy, was I wrong! It made for an uncomfortable situation--for me! There are a plethora of reasons why we assume and quite frankly none of them cuts the mustard. It didn't for me and it won't for you.

  Not making assumptions can be difficult. If we are in a group setting perhaps it gives us some chatter or something lively to talk about. That can only be defined as gossip. There is another word that normally does not have a happy ending. People sometimes make assumptions and hold onto them for years. Can you imagine the damage that can do to a person and a relationship? It can be extensive. It is not healthy and it wastes a ton of our time. We lose traction if we are persistent with our assumptions. Our worldview gets distorted. Lots of times we do it to protect ourselves. I think some of us just check out because making assumptions is just easier. It is the lazy way out, really. It makes things worse. How could we think otherwise? We would rather sit and list a litany of reasons why someone is doing something or has done something than to actually have a conversation with them. It is a road to nowhere. Face to face is where it is at. Pick up the phone if you are too far away. Stop assuming. Nothing good ever comes of it.

 So, what do we do moving forward? The first thing in any situation is to take stock of where we are.  Now, I am not by any means Dr. Phil but I know from my own experience that in order to change I have to identify the "what" and have a game plan moving forward. Maybe it would help if we started talking more to people about what we are going through. You know, good ol' communication with a trusted friend or confidant. Find that person who won't just blow smoke. Ask for help. I tell my five year old that all of the time. I need to tell myself that too! Most of the time these poor assumptions are made in the context of a relationship. Whether it is your spouse, neighbor, co-worker, family member is not the point. The main thought here is that we need to put an end to thinking what other people are supposedly thinking. Chances are they aren't thinking what you are thinking. Don't get caught up in assumptions. Rise above the temptation. Make that call or go and talk to that person. What do you have to lose? Well, a lot actually--if you don't! Remember, it's about the dash.