Communication 101: Final Family Talk

  In this final installment regarding communication I saved the most important for last. It may be last but it needs to be a priority in our lives. Communication amongst the family is a challenge. Sometimes it is a challenge between two married people, siblings, parents, grandparents, in laws...and on and on in families it goes. Communication, while necessary, is a struggle for a lot of us. And we have the hardest time communicating with those closest to us. Maybe you don't fall into this category. Bravo to you and yours. Sometimes communicating is too hard. Sometimes we expect others to know how we feel and think. While I don't believe completing your wife or husband's sentences because you have been around them so long is a bad thing, there is still a danger when we rely on this and not work on keeping everything out in the open. It's about full disclosure. It's a must for any and all families. The art of communicating takes practice. Our families need it. They won't survive without it.

  Do you ever wonder why it's much harder to talk to people you have known for a long time? Yet you could walk up to a stranger and carry on a conversation as if you were long lost friends. I read a quote that sums it up well. It reads, "Those whom we most love are often the most alien to us." Ouch. That one stings! Maybe there is a study out there as to why. I'd love to know more. That's not really the point though. Communication within the family unit is a great challenge. There are times when it runs like a well-oiled machine and times when it's a struggle to put a few sentences together. As a society we communicate less verbally. I talked about it in my social media and e-mail post a bit ago. The bottom line is we need to do a better job talking with and to those closest to us. It's not really optional. It's necessary and the family unit needs it now more than ever. Families are faced with great challenges every day. Communication can help. It will take more than the ol' college try. It will take a lifetime but without it there can be no life.

  I have spent the last almost 15 years married to a spectacular, beautiful woman. With all of the beauty we still have not arrived with our communication. I'm sure you all can relate. It takes work. It takes effort. It takes intentionality on both parts. Married couples sometime lose the desire to talk. Busy jobs, busy kids--not really good excuses but nonetheless it's a reality for most. I told my wife the other day that she and I needed to get away--just the two of us. We need to make it happen. It's for the best. The season we are in is different than others before. Maybe there exists some laziness or better yet complacency in these relationships. Great adjectives but bad results produced. Your relationship comes first. It's priority number one. It needs to be first. Without it running at a high level it can create more obstacles.

  That's not the only family communication however. Extended and immediate families get bigger the older we get. If you are like me you live away from your immediate and extended families. Even if you live close there are always challenges. For more than half of my life I have lived away from my siblings and close family. It's just been my path. I am willing to go wherever and I have had a lot of love and help along the way. However, it makes it more important to talk about the critical things. The lines need to stay open. Decisions your family members make are not fodder for gossipy chatter. No one should communicate ideas for family members and not involve them in the conversation. It's a pitfall sometimes we all have stumbled upon. This can be better. There is too much sweat equity. It's easy to be a Monday Morning QB--been there myself. This can change. It is a must.

  Recently there was a major breakup in the Hollywood world. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were all over the news (ad nauseum I must add) for their split. There was speculation about anything and everything. His beliefs, her beliefs, her family, his work, her friends...the list goes on and on. It's probably a little of each of those things but in the end one thing seems to keep going round and round in my head: I think they stopped talking. I think at some level they just stopped laying all of their cards on the table. I am a firm believer that to lead any group you must first be able to lead your own family. We must talk about our dreams as much as our disappointments. It always makes us feel better when we let it out. Family talk needs practice. There's no such thing as too much communication. More will avert catastrophes and years of resentment and bitterness. With time, honest speak and forgiveness a family revival can take place. I love to see them happen. There is nothing like seeing a family saved. It's worth it folks. Remember, it's about the dash.

Communication 101: Public Speaking

  There are different large group settings we find ourselves in where we "have the floor" and need to communicate a point or a set of points. It's our turn to speak. We have something to say and hopefully it comes out the way we planned. Maybe we don't have a plan. We need to get one quick. I have found myself in these situations many, many times. The more I do it the more comfortable I feel. How about you? Do you like to speak to a group where every eye is on you? Over time I have felt much more at ease. Practice makes perfect. There is something stimulating about delivering a message to a group of people. Last night was one of those times. You never know when they are going to happen. So, you have to be ready to communicate. All eyes are on you. Every word, every emotion, every facial expression are dissected. It's your time. You open your mouth. Everyone is listening. The floor is yours.

  I mentioned last night was one of those times for me. In my case I was speaking to a great group of boys as their baseball coach. Gosh, I love baseball. It brings me so much joy. I can see me being involved in it for as long as I am breathing. However, I digress. There were different times before, during and after the game I spoke to the entire group. After the game (an exhausting, heart stopping, mind blowing game) I gathered all of the kids around and the parents were there too. There were about 30 of us standing outside the third base dugout. I was getting ready to address the team. We were all so tired. This game took everything from us. Everyone was exhausted. I needed to say something and simple was the call I sensed. I composed myself but my emotions let me say about five words. I said, "I am proud to have coached you boys tonight." As I spoke those words my voice cracked and my eyes begin to tear up. I composed myself. There was more to say. Their tough coach was broken but as proud as could be. It was special and we all knew it.

  Have you ever had moments like I just described? Speaking to large groups sometimes brings the best out of our words. Maybe your emotions get the best of you like they did me. I am cool with it. People wear their heart on their sleeve. That's me. Often we say things profound. Other times we would like to rewind and start over. I think a lot of us are intimidated by larger group setting. Why is that? Well, public speaking is one of the biggest fears most people have. Even the most confident of all people find themselves nerve racked from time to time. I remember the first sermon I delivered. It was crazy. Everyone waiting for me to say something. People listening (hopefully more listening and less sleeping) to my points. I had two shots at it though. The first one went well and the second one too. I knew I could do it. Yes, we are talking about practice.

  I guess speaking to large groups is an art. More of us can do it but I guess the fear wins out sometimes. We all have a point to make. We have something profound to say. They say to pretend everyone you are speaking to is in their underwear. I don't know about you but that's a scary proposition. I know, I know it is meant to be lighthearted. I get it. I took a public speaking class in college and got an A-. Apparently this professor gives out few A's. I didn't get the A because of how well I spoke but rather because I gave 16 speeches throughout the semester. I just kept going up there and giving it the ol' college try. No pun intended.

   You were created to communicate. Whether you are speaking to your family, friends, a room full of strangers or a group of baseball players, you have the floor. Your time is now. People love a good communicator. One of my favorites was Ronald Reagan. Never mind political affiliations here. He was just very good at communicating a point. He didn't pull punches and told it like it was. I like his kind of communication. I want to emulate it. Who do you like to listen to? Who is someone you want to emulate? Study him or her and practice, practice, practice. One day you may have a group of baseball players to address. Maybe you will have a nation to address. Oh, to dream big! Don't stop talking to people. Defeat your fear of public speaking. Your voice is important. Remember, it's about the dash!

Communication 101: Social Media's Trap

  Part of what makes us who we are is our ability (or supposed ability) to communicate with another human being. Last post I talked about the dangers of going below the line and using e-mail to communicate an objection or a problem you have with someone in your life or in your kids'. Sending an e-mail to your congressperson or newspaper editor is one thing. Sending a stream of consciousness verbal assault over the Internet to a friend, family member, teacher, pastor, coach, etc. usually is followed up with regrets. An apology should come next. While e-mail can be useful in speeding up our ability to communicate it often leaves people wondering what tone you meant or intimated. That my friends is a problem. It's a problem but only begins to scratch the surface on the deeper issues concerning abuse of social media.

  Social media, while useful in helping folks stay in touch, communicate new happenings to a bigger audience and re-connecting of old friends and family, has some human challenges. You know, humans do the typing and hit send. Sometimes we might wish we could have a do-over. In themselves e-mail and social media are great things. I believe they were created for good allowing folks like you and me get things done quicker and possibly more efficiently. They also help us, get ready...communicate! However, when you add the human element to any of these items things can turn out nasty. There is a common denominator as to why and here is a little hint: it's not everyone else. Issues can and should be resolved. People need to hold one another accountable. Resolution needs to be brought. Forgiveness usually ushers in a resolution of some sort. I love it when that happens. We can certainly hope for the best but a little self control and personal responsibility can go a long, long way. Climb on board the socially responsible train. There's lots of seats!

  Facebook, Twitter, My Space (is it still around?), Hi5 and Last.FM (the latter are used more in South America and the UK, respectively) are most of the major sites. You also have YouTube and Flickr which are more video and picture oriented. There are others but those are the major ones. In the end all of these can be used for good. However, a lot of time they are not. Personally, I have been on Facebook for about three years. I had always resisted it because I didn't think it would really make a difference. I looked at it in a negative way initially. All of that changed in 2009 when I joined a few friends on a teaching mission trip to Denmark. I met a lot of people and wanted to keep in touch. I had established some good friendships during the week I was there. I didn't want them to end. So, Facebook helps me stay in touch with them. I am forever grateful for how it keeps me connected. Do you remember why you joined a social media site? I'm sure it was for something good initially. If you find yourself going below the line on a particular site then maybe it's time to re-evaluate your existence on it. It's time well spent or at least it can be. We have to give it a shot. It won't hurt to try.

  Often times I use Facebook to give my opinion of something which happened in our country or around the world. While I may ruffle some feathers with my opinion I try my hardest to stay above the line. Things of the political nature are a challenge for me I will admit. I am a work in progress in this area. I will edit my posts before hitting send if they come across too harsh. Do I always get it right? Yes and no. I try to take the same advice I give out. A re-evaluation of my Facebook use is in process. I am not the "don't do as I say not to do but I'm doing it anyway" kind of person. My heart is to be a good example. I hope to keep above the line with my posts. Sometimes people don't need to know what you think. That's a challenge for me at times. In the end though I think my use of social media is pretty positive. I have heard horror stories of people using social media for personal vendettas. Ignorant Twitter posts and Facebook wars seem to be par for some folks' course. This is an immature tendency. Whatever happened to working out our differences in person? If you can't see them pick up the phone. Taking to social media to air out dirty laundry is unadviseable and inexcusable. If tempted to do so remember this phrase: Step Away From the Computer!

  None of us are perfect. I am the first to admit my own inadequacies. I think we have become heavily reliant on electronic communication. I am all for advances in technology. I think technology and more specifically social media were created for the good. It is like anything else--its greatness is judged by how we use it. We can turn anything bad originally created for the good. Maybe it's time to start a new trend. Like most things the negative is always brought to light. Whatever sells more newspapers and magazines and boosts website views and TV ratings unfortunately takes center stage. It's an issue we as a society need to overcome. All of that for another day though. Let's all do our part and use Facebook, Twitter and the like for the ways they were created for. I am in if you are. Keep the dirty laundry in-house. Air it out amongst the parties involved. Resolve, forgive and move on. It will be much better. There are some things everyone else doesn't really need to know. Remember, it's about the dash!