The Forgotten Thank You

  Is it just me or did it feel like Thanksgiving was being infringed upon this year? I mean, I think I started hearing Christmas music on the radio a few weeks BEFORE Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. Growing up I always looked forward to this holiday. We lived right down the street from my uncle, aunt and cousins and each year we would get together to celebrate the festivities along with other family. Of course, with my mom's side of the family being Italian, there was not a lack of food (really delicious food). First came the ziti and meatballs and next came the turkey and all the fixins. The meal was then finished off by a selection of pies and desserts that would put Mrs. Smith to shame. I cherished those times because of the people I was with. I am thankful for them and the memories we will always have. And I would not have it if Thanksgiving was overlooked. I am grateful it was not.

  So, what's the deal? Why does it feel like the walls are closing in on one of my favorite holidays? I think like other holidays we sometimes forget about the true meaning of Thanksgiving. Of course it is always nice to gather together for a meal with people you love. I always have fun. It is a party and I love a good one. Thanksgiving is being left behind and I for one am not prepared to see it go. I want to smell the turkey cooking and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade with my kids. I want to watch some good football too. The parade people don't have Santa Claus come out first do they? No, they save him for the end. It is kind of symbolic don't you think? We used to get it. Somehow things have changed. Once Thanksgiving is over by all means let's usher in the Christmas cheer. Bring out the egg nog, put up the tree and bust out the Christmas jams. But let's wait for Thanksgiving to have its time. It's time to "Occupy Thanksgiving." Now there is a cause REALLY worth taking to the streets for.

  One of the things my wife and I try to do with our kids is teach them proper manners. They might be going to a party or a friend's house and one of us will usually say, "Remember to say please and thank you." Eventually we will stop doing this as our children get older (well, I hope so). They do a good job with it most of the time. I just don't want them to ever forget to say thanks. They have a lot to be thankful for. I know I do! What about you? Do you offer your thanks and mean it? I look at my three kids and wife and think to myself I am a very fortunate individual. At forty years old I am happy with life and am excited to share it with my wife and kids. Over the years I have learned to be thankful for what I do have and try not to waste time salivating over what I don't. It's not worth it for me. The older I get the more simpler I have become. Just like we tell our kids to remember our manners let's do the same. Don't forget to say thank you. It's about actions. Put your thanks into motion. People will notice, especially those closest who need good role models.

  One of the obvious thoughts about why Thanksgiving is being infringed upon is the retail industry's desire to extend the gift-buying season. They want to garner every possible minute they can because they know we will come. It's kind of like Pavlov's dog. Many stores opened up on Thanksgiving night with others doing the same at midnight and 3 a.m. Friday morning. Yesterday when I was getting my haircut the stylist told me that there was a line starting at 8 pm Thanksgiving night to get into Best Buy. The line was wrapped around the other side of the building. It was hundreds deep! I get it. I am not trying to manage people's lives or tell others how they should live. If you like going out for the experience of shopping that early than go for it. I am just not happy with losing precious hours off of one of my favorite holidays. We need more time for dessert!

  The economy is in the crapper so the retail companies need to get in the black (hence, the title "Black Friday"). Everything comes with a cost though. I love buying gifts for people and thoroughly enjoy the Christmas season. Let's slow it down though. What's the hurry! We will have plenty of time to shop. We have computers now so that helps too! Let's enjoy each other's company and be thankful for the people in our lives. I know most of us are. I guess I don't like to feel manipulated or controlled. Do you? This year has that feel to it. I am not ready to give in and lose a day to be thankful as I spend it with people I care about so much. Let's keep the sanctity of Thanksgiving shall we! We can create our own Thanksgiving holiday memories. Maybe you already have. Keep at it and it will pay off. You are handing down something to those you care about the most. They will appreciate it. Believe me they will. Memories are forever. Walking down Fairway Drive heading to my cousins' house for the fun we were about to have was exhilarating. Of course, I always came hungry too. I can smell the ziti from here! I think they felt the same heading to our home. Don't forget to say thanks. Relish the time. Remember folks, it's about the dash!

In The Rear View Mirror

  If you are like me you can size a person up in a matter of minutes. Someone walks into your world in some way, shape or form and without blinking an eye you have them all figured out. You have yet to strike up a conversation with this person but you know them inside and out. Can that really be possible? Well, possible but not fair or smart. I think that is hard to do yet we all find ourselves doing that. Why? Well, I began asking myself this question and it all started as I began to read Under The Overpass. This is a story of two men who have it all yet they decide to become homeless for several months. They traveled to major cities and saw what life was like on the street. Yes, they decided to become homeless! Talk about a radical lifestyle change--and on purpose! Their account will leave you stunned--especially my friends in the faith community. You won't believe the way these guys were treated by all walks of life. I am concerned however about myself and how I treat others in these predicaments. In particular I am looking at how I might treat homeless people. How do I treat the panhandler? Do I judge? Yes, he or she will simply by booze and drugs with the money we give. At least, that is what we all think, right?

  My profession has me on the road a lot. I drive a ton of miles every day in hopes of talking to people interested in the services I provide. I am often at intersections where I see the guy or gal holding up a sign like, "Will Work For Food" or "Spare Some Change." As I sit there in my car several things go through my head. Maybe it does yours too. I wonder what their name is, where they live, why they are doing this and on and on the questions come to mind. I wonder what happened in this person's life to cause them to beg for money on the streets in the cold. Maybe they aren't homeless. Perhaps they are pretending. The more and more I sit there and think the deeper I try and reach for a reason NOT to give them some spare change. I think, why do I want to contribute to their habit? Or better yet, they don't fool me. They are just a bunch of con men and women. I am not going to enable anyone and I am certainly not going to even think about enabling someone I don't know. I rationalize myself right out of giving them anything. I see them in my rear view as I pull on through. My heart breaks but they don't want my sympathy or pity. They are hungry and thirsty. And I keep passing them by.

  While I was reading Under The Overpass I was floored by how the guys told of how people treated them. There were a few good Samaritan stories but most of the time they were treated like the scum of the earth. Yesterday's trash just bothering people trying to get from their posh homes to their elaborate offices. Reading this book cut me hard. People of faith, who were supposed to be reaching out in love, often turned their noses up at the guys. I was flabbergasted. I love people and I want to help mostly anyone. I believe my Creator has given me a heart of compassion for less fortunate people. Yet, when it comes to the homeless sometimes I feel as lost as a ball in high weeds. What can I possibly do? What can I possibly say? It shouldn't be so hard. So, why is it? Why can't I just reach out a hand and offer to help? It is that judgment thing. If I were to give one of them a few bucks they will take it, along with the other money they have been given, and buy some whiskey with it or crack so they can continue their habit. I don't think I am alone in these thoughts but I am not looking for company. I want to change it. I want to be real and stop pretending they will just go away.

 The two guys who went on this journey referenced in Under The Overpass were really good guys. People didn't know their story but by their account no one (except for one or two) cared to learn. They were looked at like they didn't exist. There was a point in the book where one of the guys wondered how he could go back to "normal" living. He wrestled with this as the time of adventure was drawing to a close. Seriously, imagine yourself doing this fully knowing that one day you would not be homeless any longer. Now, think about the people who don't know when it is ever going to end. They don't have the luxury of that kind of forethought. Every day is a struggle. Every meal an adventure. They will take your scraps. They will take your leftovers. But do we ever give them more? I am not here to lay a trip on anyone. This book just wrecked me to the core and I want to do something about how I feel. It may be shallow but I want deep. If I am more than a fan then it has to cost me. Folks who are homeless have names. They have destinies and they have dreams. We need to hear their stories and quit being in such a hurry. I know I need to. Do you? You should read the book. Maybe it will challenge you like it did me. Remember, it's about the dash!

The Wrong Kind of Victims

  Last weekend I had the privilege of coaching my son and eight other boys in a weekend baseball tournament here in North Carolina. It was a ton of fun for me as coaching baseball is something I absolutely love...well, that is next to playing baseball! I cherish these times as I know one day they will no longer be there. However, there was something that happened during one of the contests involving an opposing coach that epitomizes what is wrong with kids' sports today. It is something that makes me desperate to bring change and will cause me to continue to coach for as long as I can to see it through. Time and time again Little League coaches think it is all about them. They want to win badly and will stop at nothing to do so. Even if it is to the detriment of those under their care. How sad and infuriating. That's not a joyful combination really. Neither are big egos and cheaters.

  In addition we have all seen the news regarding the travesty at Penn State on our TV screens, heard it on our radios and read it in our newspapers and on Internet boards. Now, I am not here to pile on the Penn State injustice because that is not what I do. My job is not to judge. The Penn State case does make me sick to my stomach as I am sure it does yours. Too many grown-ups worried about themselves and caring nothing for the innocent. I don't think there are too many people out there who feel otherwise. However, there is one common thread in all of this and it has to do with injustice towards our kids. As a dad of three children I know that I would do anything to protect my kids from harmful situations and people. I would also do what I could to protect my kids from egotistical little league coaches far more concerned with winning than giving their boys a great experience. Both settings, while vastly different in their miscarriage of justice, have left me asking myself a lot of questions. Does it you? I am tired of all of it. Our kids are being victimized and it is time to end the madness.

  During my son's baseball tournament there was some political stuff that took place leading up to its beginning. I was told I could not have player "X" because he played on a travel team only to see that player show up on someone else's team. I then was forced to take another player supposedly because his parents are big financial contributors to the league. You can't make this stuff up. I only wish I was. Much to my chagrin this stuff happens in kids' leagues everywhere. Dads and even moms acting like "little Johnny" or "little Susie" is the end-all-be-all. The problem I have in all of this is that our kids are the ones who are witnessing grown men and women act like babies. Grown men and women are living vicariously through kids and it serves not one single purpose. The kids deserve better. Adults are letting them down. Anyway, after all of that mess got sorted out (I went out and recruited my own player who is as good as gold and so is his family) we had some games to play. And so the "fun" began.
 
  Our team won the first game and then fell behind early in game two, 7-0.  During a particular controversial play the other coach started to pretend he was also the umpire. It was then I simply asked the ACTUAL umpire if he could take care of calling the game. I felt it was important since it actually is the job of the umpire(s) to be the judge of balls, strikes, outs, etc.  Needless to say the coach did not like that and popped off at me and then did so a few other times. He even tried to win the game by allowing a call to stand he knew was wrong (we had talked about it in the pregame regarding warning a kid if he tried to steal before the ball crossed the plate). So much for setting a good example for the kids he was coaching. Imagine being one of the kids on that team and knowing that your coach allowed you to win a game that went against an agreed rule. Our team came back and won the game and eventually won the championship. Justice was served I guess. After the crazy game was over the coach was nowhere to be found. He didn't shake hands with me or my kids. Sore losers disguised as coaches are bad examples for kids. It's disturbing and yet it is happening all over. We need to stop letting these over-inflated egos dressed up as coaches anywhere near our kids. Just because they have a pulse and wear a ball cap does not mean they are qualified to coach kids. It's a crying shame really.

  The Penn State catastrophe also saw kids being victimized albeit in a much more perverse and destructive way. People high up knew about it but did nothing. Meanwhile, the kids who had their innocence ripped away, were left to feel ashamed and wallow alone in their misery. Boys have this thing where they look up to other men. It could be their dad, a coach, teacher, camp counselor or anyone in a position of authority. They put their trust in these men only to have it destroyed. Some of them never get the healing they need. This disturbs me and it breaks my heart all in one. I am sure it does for you too. Crimes against children draw my ire. I have a difficult time watching, hearing and reading about them. All of them! Please hear me though. I am not trying to compare these two situations as if they are remotely similar. They truly are not! I am simply communicating my anger and disgust in adult behavior in a situation I experienced firsthand and one I watched and listened to from afar. In both cases I simply do not like what I see. We need to stop witnessing this destruction in our world--especially to the innocent of all innocent.

  Yesterday I posted on my Facebook page how disappointed I was at the folks protesting because the university did the right thing and fired the head football coach. Why weren't they protesting the fact that children were taken advantage of by a predator? What in the world is wrong with these people?! Kids lose their innocence and apparently that is okay? I mean, what other conclusion can you come to based on the actions of these protesters? However, take away their beloved coach and they riot. We put folks like these coaches on pedestals and think that they walk on hallowed ground. Meanwhile we have kids who are trying to understand what in the world has happened and why they had to endure such pain. Kids have it hard enough these days don't you think? They are our future presidents, lawyers, doctors, scientists, artists, musicians and now their little worlds have been rocked and shattered. And we protest the firing of a coach? I cannot and will not ever understand what in the world these people are thinking. I do believe they are selfish and in a lot of cases had too much to drink so they decided to go break stuff. In any case, children are being victimized and people decide to tear up the town for all the wrong reasons. Why not use that energy to make a change in the injustices going on against children! There is a novel idea if there ever was.

 In the end we all need to do our part to prevent our kids from being victimized. Let's stop passing over kids as if they don't exist. They need better from us as their parents, coaches, teachers, pastors, doctors, lawyers and politicians. All of us who are grown men and women were once children. I know many of you out there wished someone would have been there to stop injustice from happening to you. It doesn't really matter what kind. None of this is okay folks. We as the adults NEED to stop being so wrapped up in what we look like and more concerned with teaching, shaping and molding our kids for what is to come in their lives. I told my team on Saturday night after we had lost game three that they would remember this time for the rest of their lives. I wanted to give the kids more than just the knowledge of how to catch and throw or how to hit the ball correctly. For me the joy of coaching comes from seeing them become better people. I may never witness it but it won't stop me from giving it everything I have.

  When I review stories like Penn State and coaches with egos twice the size of their own bodies I get a serious bout of holy discontent. Sometimes it may come out unholy but my motives are genuine. We need to protect our kids. They are our pride and joy. They are precious and special and they need us. We need to look out for those who don't know better and are not able to look out for themselves. It is our charge to do so. When we take advantage of them we damage more than we could possibly imagine. Universities, Little Leagues, schools, churches and communities everywhere need to do better for our kids. The world is rough and our children need every ounce of everything we have. These are all OUR kids. They are special and unique, full of life and innocence. Let's stop seeing that taken from them. We can rise against it child by child. It will take all of our efforts. Are you in? Remember, it's about the dash.