It's Nobody's Party

   Have you ever thrown a party for someone in your family who has reached a milestone? Maybe they turned 30 or 40 or 50 or perhaps did something spectacular like graduate from high school, college or made it through boot camp. Maybe they won something special like first place in a contest or show. Nonetheless, all of us have been involved in the party as the recipient or have assisted in the planning and execution of said party. The majority of the time we throw parties for people we know. Parties are fun and they allow people to laugh and let loose a little and just have a great time hanging out with others. This past weekend my family and I went to a neighborhood party. It was fun and it was evident people were having a good time. What if we did the unthinkable though. One of the things some friends of mine are planning is a party for people we don't know. How is that for a curve ball? For some this might be nerve racking. For others this might sound perfect. Would you ever throw a party for people you don't know? Well, maybe after this post you and your friends may want to give it a try. What's the harm in that? Nothing, of course!

   It is no secret to most of you who know me that I am an outgoing person. I love to talk to people. It is something I saw my father do all of the time as a kid. He would talk to anyone. My favorite was when he would talk to the highway tollbooth collectors. I would often wonder, "why in the world would he talk to them?" Dad was on to something. He cared about those folks and took the time to appreciate their presence. The older I get the more I find I am like him. And it is an absolute joy. You don't have to be outgoing to be nice to someone or pay them a compliment. Maybe your words cheer them up from a bad day. Maybe they need some company. Perhaps a smile to their face will change their mood or an invitation to gather with others will brighten their week. What a small but spot-on way to invest in the life of another soul. I want to also submit that you do not have to be "outgoing" to throw a party for people you don't know. So, now that we are all aboard what would that party look like? Where would you have it? For some, the thought of inviting absolute strangers into their home scares them. Yes, I get it. The world is dangerous. I'm sure we all can use common sense. So, put your common sense to use and get to planning your party. The sanguine in me wants it. Does yours?

  Do you have people in your neighborhood that no one associates with? Do you know people where you work or go to school who are never invited to anything? People everywhere are always getting left out. Do you talk to someone at your gym or local recreation center who always gets passed over socially? For some reason they don't cut the mustard. I am sure we all remember the kid everyone made fun of in school. Perhaps you were that person who received such abuse. You know the kid who was maybe overweight, wearing glasses and tripping over him or herself. We all would do what came easy: follow the crowd and join in making fun and ridiculing someone for the way they looked or talked. It was easy to pile on and harder to stand there and take the fire with the kid who always gets it. Maybe we can start a revolution in our neighborhoods, schools, workplaces and communities and see this awful travesty reversed. Maybe we can start to become more uncomfortable so others can feel comfortable. I believe the time is now. Let's not wait one minute longer. Let's throw some parties and be all-inclusive kind of people. You could change some one's life. How much is that worth? A party for the ages. Now there is an investment worth my contribution and yours.

  Society has a way of telling us what is acceptable. What kind of house we should live in, the car we should drive, the clothes we should wear, the gym we should belong to and on and on it goes. I bet Cosmo has a section on who to invite over for dinner or to a party. I am sure there is a protocol. Maybe Cosmo does and maybe they don't but when did we allow what society told us to rule our decision-making? Does anyone else out there think this is beyond maddening? I mean, how much time and energy do we waste just trying to fit in? We have to have Pottery Barn furniture and buy clothes with a popular label. Do we all just give in? I hope not. What if we took that energy of trying to get all of our social ducks in a row and opened up our homes to the people no one else will associate with! Talk about being the change we want to see in our world. That would be the epitome of going against the grain. What is stopping us? Well, fear for one. Second, we don't want our house slimed by the decrepit and marginalized of society. Sounds a lot like what we did back in school. The madness can stop, one party at a time.

  So, how do we execute the planning of this party? Maybe we start with inviting people we know with some we may not know so well. Ease your way into it. My friends and I will have a party similar to this idea. We all know each other and the people coming won't know any of us. Sounds perfect to me! One of the things we all miss at some point in our lives is the idea of servant hood. What does it mean to truly serve others? I believe servant hood is displayed when we put aside our own interests and seek to lookout for the interests of those no one else will. It sounds pretty simple to but yet it is so hard for us to put into practice. So, why is it so hard? I am not totally sure. I can venture many guesses and some will be right on. We all work hard. We are all tired. The busy excuse won't fly. Time marches on and people are being passed over. Invite Mr. and Mrs. Nobody to your next party. I bet deep down inside they always wanted to be Mr. and Mrs. Somebody. Perhaps not even Mr. and Mrs. but just Somebody. Maybe they just need someone to throw them a line. Maybe they want to feel important for once in their life. We can all participate in some way. Sure, life is not just about what we do but at the same time we need to remember those who others have forgotten. Let's throw parties everywhere. The Nobodies are waiting. Remember, it's about the dash!

Busting Our Borders

   I bet when you read the headline to this blog post you thought I was going to go on some rant about securing the borders of our country from illegal aliens. Well, I do have very strong political opinions as most of you know. However, this is not the appropriate time for that. A year from now I might be singing off of a different song sheet. While I am all for securing our national borders and making sure people follow a process for citizenship, the borders I am referring to might make some of you think differently. I hope so. I am talking about the borders we put up or allow others to construct that limit our potential to make a greater impact on our world. I am talking about man-made borders that keep us locked into a sense of "this is just how it is." For me, it just doesn't work like that. The dash becomes a minus sign and life becomes more of a chore than an adventure. We see a subtraction of our purpose which leads to a road to nowhere. If this is you an about-face is in order. Your borders need to be blown up (figuratively speaking of course).

   Back in 2009 I was afforded one of the greatest opportunities of my life. It is a time I always look back on and wish it never had to end. I was working as an assistant pastor at a Vineyard church in Maine and was asked to join a team of three others heading over to Denmark. Our senior pastor was going to be teaching a week long class on healing at a Bible College and there was going to be a lot of interaction with students, faculty and staff.  Before I set out on this adventure with my three friends I had no idea what a life-changing time it would be. Last night my wife and I had a rare night out together. Our night ended with a trip to Dairy Queen for some ice cream and I found myself talking about what else, my trip to Denmark. The impact of this trip caused me to do something I always did but did not realize I was doing. I was removing borders of where I would allow myself to be used. No borders. No walls. It was just me and the purpose I had been given. Our collective purposes crave action without borders. Trust me friends, there are life-changing times ahead. It is up to us to release ourselves from everyone else's expectations. The fear that paralyzes us from going beyond where we are comfortable needs to be obliterated. There is nothing like it when you break free and see your borders expanded. Your life is never the same. The borders become harder to see.

   In the days, weeks, months and now years since my trip to Denmark I cannot help but see the impact on my life. I get emotional when I think of that time because something new was born inside. Something new was stirred up. I am eternally grateful for the friends I experienced this time with and the new friends I now have because I went. All of what I experienced would not exist if I did not step out and go when I was asked. I missed my daughter's dance recital but I will see plenty more of them. She understood and loved the flowers delivered to our home on the big day. There is a cost. Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise. A lot of times we don't go because we are afraid of the unknown or don't want it to cost us. Sometimes we don't go because other people don't approve. Sometimes we don't go because other people have other expectations for us that may or may not be directly communicated. That shouldn't happen but it does unfortunately. In any case the ultimate decision rests with us. For me busting my borders meant that my God-given talents, abilities and gifts could be used anywere.  It still means that today and it always will. What about you? Are you going to bust your borders? I love hearing stories of people who do. Be brave. It is time to step up.

   Our lives are not long enough to allow borders to keep us down. We need to branch out. People might say, "Well that is just not me. I can't do that." You may be right because only you know what you are willing and able to do. However, I guarantee that you will see impact on your life even if you step out and it is a total flop. When Deb and I moved to North Carolina we anticipated a smooth transition. It didn't turn out that way initially. So what! Just like my trip to Denmark had a profound affect on me so did our move to North Carolina. I am a different person because of both. One may be looked at as more of a success than the other but on what basis? Denmark produced a lot of great things in me but so has my experience here in North Carolina. No borders says, "I will go and be obedient." As a man of faith this is how I will always live my life. I will go. That is just what I do. You can too. "Go" can mean lots of things. Maybe you take that new job or decide to go back to school. Maybe you go to another place to live. The going is hard because you don't know how it will end. You are no longer in control. I think I like it better that way. Are you willing to go even if you have no idea what will happen? Will you give up your comforts? No borders says you should.

   Your life has the potential to be great. It has the potential to make others great. The borders mentioned in my stories would fall under the geographical category. It really doesn't matter what borders are out there. All of them can be expanded. All of them can be busted. How about we expand them so far that you have to strain to see them. Are you with me? My hope is that you will see what I saw. I can be used ANYWHERE on this planet if I am willing to go. So can you. You can decide right now what and how that will look. It will be different for each one of us but therein lies the beauty. What a wonderful thing to watch! It is an amazing sight when people step up, bust their borders and are forever changed. Some may not be the risk taker that others are. Okay, I get that. Just don't use it as an excuse. Look for the reasons why you should. It is easy to convince yourself not to do something. The hard lies in the greatness of pursuing what some consider unobtainable. If you are reading this post you still have time. Don't let your life have borders. Don't box yourself in. Bust through those borders. It is not all roses but it will have more impact on you than if you stayed status quo. Remember, it's about the dash!

Do As I Do, Not as I Complain

   As president of the elementary school's PTA, of which two of my three children attend, I encounter lots of interesting people. Recently I received two letters from people who had different complaints regarding our PTA. One letter was well written and respectful (although not representative of actuality) while the other was neither. It brought me back to my days working at a daily newspaper where I would sort through the letters to the editor for the sports department. People surely have quite an imagination! Those letters then and some of the stuff I receive today troubles me. All of this makes me wonder at what point in time did we become a society of whiners. Not all of us are. There are a lot of people who get things done. Non-griping, get-things-done kind of people exist everywhere. However, Monday morning quarterbacks are cropping up everywhere. They are experts in giving unsolicited advice and feel like everyone needs to hear from them. Why is that? Do you know? For the life of me I have yet to figure this out.

   I am not trying to be harsh or negative but this is not a topic you can really dance around. Have you ever talked to a "critic" after you completed a project or pulled off a successful event and they tell you the five things you did "wrong" or could have done better? Do you know people who consistently complain about anything, anyone and everything no matter who or what is proposed or talked about? They always have a better way of doing things but when asked to help they disappear. If this is you then I want to help you. I implore you to be part of the solution and not rip people for the sake of doing so. Instead of complaining find ways to participate in the process. Lots of people have beefs but not so many have solutions. Constant griping and complaining shows immaturity and does zero to help build up anyone. Part of being an adult is modeling good behavior. We won't always get it right but we have to do better. It is time to put up!

  I was not offended by the two letters I received. When you lead an organization of which there are over 900 families involved you are bound to ruffle a few feathers. People will not always agree with a person's leadership or direction. However, I am secure in my leadership so that stuff rolls right off of me. You have to have tough skin and not take things personally. People are bound to tell you what they think and sometimes it is unfiltered. The first letter I received took umbrage with the type of fundraiser our PTA rolled out. We are currently without a fundraising leader so picking out a fall fundraiser basically fell on my shoulders. We raised over $41,000.00 so I think we did just fine. I asked them to get involved but was rejected. The thing about me is I do not give people a pass when it comes to their criticism. So, if you bring a complaint to me you can bet I am going to thank you and then call you to action. Be prepared! The second letter ripped one of my leaders in an uncalled for and immature way. I won't stand for that! I challenged this person to try other means to connect with this leader and find ways to support the person. No response. The sound of crickets is deafening.

   The bottom line is we need to find ways to help and not hinder. We all need to look for opportunities where we can build people up and encourage. There are a lot of people out there doing a ton of great things. People are motivated and are passionate and want to bring change. I applaud them and their efforts. However, I really want to see the people who constantly gripe and complain use that energy for something positive. Why not? What is the harm in that? There is no harm. It is much easier to send an e-mail ripping someone than it is to send one asking how they could use your help. Less complaining and more action is a recipe for bringing great and positive change. Do me a favor the next time you want to rip into your pastor, PTA president, principal, teacher, child or anyone else for something trivial: don't do it! Thank them for their work and dedication. They will appreciate it. Trust me! You will notice a difference in your demeanor and attitude when you make a conscious effort to leave the complaining behind. We can make our communities much better places to live, work, socialize and get things done when we stop criticizing and complaining and start doing. No spectators allowed. Remember, it is about the dash!

Fanatically Insane

   This past week I watched a documentary called Catching Hell on ESPN. It was the story of how a man named Steve Bartman innocently became the most maligned person in Chicago after trying to catch a foul ball during the 2003 National League Championship Series between the Florida Marlins and Chicago Cubs. Apparently his "interference" cost the Cubs the game and the series. People threw beer at him, hurled verbal insults at him and used his last name as a punch line for jokes. They chanted an expletive during the rest of the game directed at Bartman. You can imagine what word it was. All of this caused this poor man to go into hiding fearful for his life. One part of the documentary shows security escorting him out of the stadium. Sadly, they were afraid for him too.

   In 2010 an eight year old New York Jets fan, wearing his favorite team's jersey, was tackled in the parking lot by a drunken fan after watching his beloved Jets beat the Cleveland Browns in overtime in Cleveland. This was after he had hot dogs thrown at him and called expletives right to his face during the contest. Back in March of this year a San Francisco Giants fan, Bryan Stow, was attacked walking to his car after a game with the Los Angeles Dodgers in Los Angeles. He was beaten so bad by two men that he laid in a coma for months and only recently was able to speak again. His family says his medical bills will cost fifty million dollars. The doctor treating him said that his road to recovery has a long way to go and he is not out of the woods yet. Lovely isn't it. I don't believe so.

   I have done a lot of thinking about this lately. Watching this documentary the other night about Bartman really bothered me. My heart broke for this guy. Reading stories about an adult tackling a kid in the parking lot after drinking himself into oblivion infuriates me. The fact that fans think it is okay to beat someone into a coma leaving him for dead just because he roots for another team makes my blood boil. What about you? I think any sane person would agree. What kind of a society have we really become where we think it is okay to do these kinds of things to people? A lot of this nonsense has spilled over into to younger leagues of our children. I am sure you have seen this yourself. I just want it to stop.

   The word fan is actually short for fanatic and it means, " a person with an uncritical enthusiasm or zeal." I am a fan of different sports teams myself. I am more than a fan and not just a fan all in one. More on that though some other time. We all have our favorites and there is nothing wrong with rooting with all of your zeal for your team. I do it all of the time. However, as a fan of different teams there is a line we should never cross. Tackling a child, beating a man senseless and vilifying a fan of your own team because he tried to catch a foul ball is ridiculously criminal. We should root for our teams but we need to do it with some self control. Last year I watched the Jets advance to the AFC championship game for the second year in a row (only to lose again, unfortunately for me). I ended up leaving Facebook for a while because of the vitriol hurled in my direction by people who should have known better. It should not be that way but it was. People really need to just grow up. Unfortunately some won't ever get there.

   I will always be passionate about my team as should you. However none of us should get to the point where we become out of control fans. Cheer loudly for your team. Get excited and have a blast. Be responsible when you do it though. Show people some grace too. The Bartman case really gets me (even though the other two cases resulted in much worse). This guy's life will never be the same as long as he lives in Chicago. He stopped showing up to work. He became invisible because he was afraid. The city did not help it either. They held a "party" at a local restaurant where they blew the ball up. Apparently the Cubs were cursed so they needed to blow the ball to smithereens. So much for that. They still stink. The city owed Bartman an apology. They owed him grace. Neither of which did he ever receive.

   What does acting like an imbecilic fan really accomplish? Nothing really. It just shows how uncivil and self absorbed people have become. Folks like this look foolish, immature and ludicrous all at the same time. It is kind of the trifecta of idiocy. I do think the teams, stadiums and ballparks are liable too. Trust me I am not giving them a free pass. They are not faultless in this whatsoever. It is a money grab for them. Close down the concessions and money is lost. In the end though people need to be responsible for themselves. Kids need to be able to attend a sporting event where they do not have to worry about being tackled. Adults should act like it and set the example. It is not the fault of anyone else when people go fanatically insane. They only need to look in the mirror. When is this madness going to stop? Maybe it will when someone like Bryan Stow does not wake up from a coma. Let's hope not. Remember it's about the dash.