From Start to Finish: Being a Real McCoy

 I always knew I would be a coach one day. I wasn't sure how, why or with whom but I knew it was something I would do. My sport is baseball. I call it mine because I love it. I am energized by it. I have a healthy romance with it. To some my coaching may mirror crazy. That's okay. I think my kids' parents approve. It's better than mirroring inept, poor and half-hearted coaching. I'll take crazy all day, every day. My players and their parents do too.

 I have played baseball since I was a youngster, probably around six or seven. I remember the day it all changed for me. My Little League Minor's team was playing Lindy's Smoke Shop. Yes, they had those back in the day. I came to the plate searching for my first hit of the season. The bases were loaded as I approached the plate with my Little League wooden bat. One ball and one strike was the count. The next pitch was grooved right down the middle. I took a swing and thwack, the ball took off for left center field. My first grand slam was now in the books and the fire, which still burns today for the game of baseball, was lit.

 I remember being in the garage of my colonial-style home the late afternoon before that life-changing, evening game. I was swinging my bat and visualizing hitting. As a kid I was just dreaming about what could be. Looking back now I figured out what I was really doing. I was preparing to tell my young men today what it means to be mentally prepared to play. I was preparing for my time as a coach as innocent as what I then-called dreaming. I had no idea what would be thirty-plus years later.

 Usually I can't remember where I put my keys, wallet, and phone. However, there are certain things I just don't forget. The romance with my game became real on that spring day in Long Island, NY. It was the day I knew I was born to play the game. It was where win or lose I was going to be part of something special for a very long time. It was the beginning of where I would honor, love and respect something which would teach me so much about life. Positively, one-hundred percent, I fell in love with baseball.

 As someone who is passionate about baseball I hold myself to a very high standard. I did as a player and I do as a coach. I could never take enough swings or fly balls. I can never stop teaching or motivating. Every fly ball and swing represented something I'd do in a game. Every moment with my guys is critical. I expected excellence from myself as a player and I do today as a coach. Nothing less is acceptable.

 There are some who coach baseball (and other sports) just for a paycheck and/or for an ego boost but lack passion for it. Nothing could be worse for the players. I coach baseball because deep down to the core of my being I was made for it. When I step onto the field everything in the world seems right. I love the smell of the freshly cut grass on a hot, July day, the hot dogs cooking at the concession stand and the umpire yelling, "Play ball". My players and families are all gathered together with the same goal. Yeah, all is well. As a player and coach it feels like home.

 For the pretenders, coaching my sport is just a means to an end. They are out there and closer then you think. They wear a hat, swing a bat and will one day judge your kid. They will give useless feedback which is contradicted by their inability to judge all talent properly. They will make excuses for their laziness and confuse humility with ineptness. They have neither passion or heart for the game. When you see the pretenders move on to Plan B. The status of playing for a pretender-coach is not worth it. Your child's future is worth more. Pretenders are only concerned with the present.

 People may think my baseball love is an obsession or I've made baseball an idol. Reading this you may think it is over the top. Not so. Trust me, I haven't arrived and am not every player's coach. History would dictate such. I am always learning. However, in over 30 years of playing or coaching baseball one thing remains true: You can't teach heart and passion. I know I possess both. Without those two ingredients you can't improve. Talent only gets us so far. Stay strong and go wherever your passion leads you. Stoke the fire once you've discovered yours. Your dash is all about it!

What's the Big Deal?

   Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier in Major League baseball when he made his debut with the Brooklyn Dodgers in April, 1947. That year he would go on to win National League Rookie of the Year. In July of the same year Larry Doby would debut in the American League with the Cleveland Indians. Both broke through years of black oppression, of which would continue on for many years later, and laid the foundation for others. They were trailblazers in my sport and more importantly changed history for the better. I love their stories and am thankful they had the guts to stand up and conquer injustice.

  Over the past year we have seen two people "come out" in the sports world regarding their sexuality. Last April Jason Collins, an NBA player, told the world he was gay and recently Michael Sam, a college football player (soon to be NFL player), told the world the same. The liberal media, as they typically do with non-story items, jumped all over both. Good Morning America of ABC and the NY Times, both liberally biased organizations (which is a travesty unto itself), wasted no time in getting the "stories". Lovely.

 If you know me well enough you know I am for ALL people. I want ALL people to chase and achieve their dreams. I am against injustice and dislike people being discriminated against for most anything. I am sure Collins and Sam were relieved to tell their story. Great! I just don't know what the big deal is. It's just like reporting on what Hollywood train-wrecks are now a couple or where some "famous" person was spotted drinking coffee. I don't care.

 I am not a homosexual so I don't know what challenges that particular person faces daily if they do at all. However, everywhere I look I don't see much, if any, discrimination against a person because of their sexuality. One thing I do know is our society will bend over backwards and make sure a gay person doesn't get discriminated but will lash out and pummel any person of faith at the drop of the hat. You won't see that covered on Good Morning America or see three bylines in the NY Times for that story. No, sir!

 While I don't believe homosexuality is what our Creator intended (He created man-Adam and woman-Eve) I don't walk around ripping people for their choices. ALL people make bad and poor decisions all of the time. So, it's not about what person has made the poorest choice or who has sinned worse. That's not for me to judge. I am simply tired of people making a news story over nonsense. Please stop. It's like reporting that it's snowing outside.

 When Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier that was news. I don't think you all need me to give you a history lesson as to the oppression our black friends endured. I am not sure I've seen that same oppression with people who make other choices related to sexuality. So, I don't think they can be compared in the same way. They aren't even in the same ballpark, no pun intended.

 Evaluating myself as a person, man, son, dad, husband, brother, uncle, friend, co-worker and coach is a necessary practice. I don't hate anyone. However, I am not going to sacrifice my values, morals and beliefs because I am supposed to be accepting of everyone else. No apologies offered either. One of my heroes said it best, "...I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some." He said this in the context of never sacrificing who he was and what he was put on this earth to do. Me too.

 In the end I am hopeful that Sam and Collins have successful careers wherever they end up. One is just starting out and the other pretty much never really got going. All of the best fellas. Let's just stop making a big deal about things that really are not. We are so enamored with the social make-up of our world and are obsessed with its perceived value. Maybe if the media could stop its love affair with unimportance we could all focus more on our dash and making the world better for all concerned. All of us are here for a short time. Every day the dash gets shorter. Now there's news we can all use!

Where Are You Going?

  The other day I was driving through downtown Raleigh and was sitting in my car at a stoplight. Nearby was a soup kitchen which serves lunch for people in need. As I sat at the stoplight a homeless man, whose face had that cold and leathery look, walked across the street in front of my car. He evidently had just finished eating at the soup kitchen. As he walked in front of my car my eyes were fixated on him as he reached the other side. I wondered several things to myself about him. Ultimately, I wanted to know: Where was he going?

 While I am sure I've made assumptions about this man, personal experience would tell me I was pretty accurate on my assessment of him. However, this post is not about making assumptions. It's about asking ourselves some tough questions. With many things in life we don't really have a plan or purpose. We have no idea where we are and ultimately don't know where we are headed. I don't know if the man who walked in front of my car had any particular place to go. However, his steps across the street caused me to pause and ask myself, "Where are you going, Kevin?"

 Of course I am talking in a figurative sense. I was pretty sure where I was headed next in the literal sense behind the wheel of my car. Over the past week, however, I did some serious soul searching. I looked inside of me and took inventory. Honestly, I tend NOT to do this often. People who are choleric, sanguine personalities know two things: We are right and we are about having fun. And that can be difficult and prevent you from preparing for your future. Take it from one who has lived it.

 So, where am I going? I am going places for sure. I was born to push it. I was born to make things happen. My destiny is not about the status-quo. This much I know is true. I want to bring change and want to succeed or fail on my own terms. I don't walk around making decisions based on what others think is the best. I'm very much in touch with who I am and have a great amount of confidence. However, I keep coming back to that burning question: Where are you going, Kevin?

 Well, I am in the process of discovering the answer. I am going to dig deep and ask myself some hard questions. I'm going to read and learn and I'm going to talk to other people and see. Successful people have a desire to achieve more. One way they do this is to talk to other successful people. We can learn so much from others. We just have to be willing to do one thing which choleric, sanguines don't always do well: LISTEN! We have to be willing to put our pride aside and ask ourselves some really tough questions. You might want to ask yourself first: Where am I?

 Go on a journey with yourself. Take some time to figure out where you are right now. Figure out where you want to go. What do you want to do with your life? Where do you want to go? Don't let anything stand in your way. Dream big and don't limit yourself to geography or doing what others expect. Each person has their own destiny. Find someone to hold you accountable. Formulate your plan. Get excited about it! Look at it every day. Where are you going? Your dash is counting on you!

 

Winning IS Everything, But...

  The day my mother brought me into this world was great. If there was a contest with the other babies being born that day on who would come out first, I would have wanted to win. I had no understanding of winning or losing but if I did I would have thought, "I'm going to beat those other babies!" Somewhere along the way the competitive fire which burns deep inside began. Life does begin at conception so I'll say that's when the competitive fire was lit. Now, forty-two years later winning is still everything but I think the other night I gained some valuable perspective.

  Running is my outlet. I love to go out and shut the world out for a while. It's my time. No one can take it away from me. I was finishing up my run the other night when the thought occurred to me that I've spent a lot of time tracking my runs. I've spent time calculating the mileage. In essence, I've been competing with me. A lot of my life revolves around competition. As I finished that run I wondered: Is anything off limits? Is there anything not worth wanting to win? The best answer I can give is yes and no.

  Most of you know I am in sales. It fits my personality and it stokes my competitive fire. There's nothing better to me than taking an account from a competitor. I win and they lose. Sounds like a lot of fun. It certainly is! I also coach a 14U travel baseball team and spend a good 10 months of the year (at least) focused on winning. I always ask my guys why we play. Their answer is always, "To win." Ultimately, that's what we want to do every time. We are about results and winning is king.

  Losing is very, very bad. I don't do well with losing and never will. There are few things in life I don't do well with. They are being hungry, cold, not having my surroundings neat and tidy and LOSING. When I lose or when our team loses I don't want to eat, talk, laugh, drive, run, etc. I just want to stare and shut everything around me out. Pretty whacked for sure. Eventually I come around but I have a process and losing takes time to leave my system.

  I compete with people at the grocery store, the mall, playing a board game for fun (as if), driving on the highway and can find virtually anything to compete with people. Most of the time they don't even know I'm trying to beat them. I make up a game unbeknownst to a random, poor soul and usually win. Yes, I am a competitive freakshow. If I was a student I'd be competing with every other student. I am a sore loser in that I hate to lose.

 Back to the other night though. I want to find something that I enjoy physically where I don't actually compete. I've concluded that I want running to be that one thing. Sure, if I run a race then that changes things tremendously. I am running to win. However, if I'm not training and I go outside to blow off some steam then I need for it to be just that. I need to enjoy it more and not let it become competitive. It has to be for, dare I say it--fun!

 Over time I've learned how to control the competitiveness inside. Back in my 20's and early 30's I didn't have the self-control needed after losing. I broke a golf club on my wedding day playing a round before I married my best friend. The ball went right and didn't hook. Bad ball! And the club went flying. Really, who does that? I did and not proud to say so.

 Winning IS everything but I must remember that the dash doesn't represent wins or losses. It must represent how I loved, honored and gave. The dash is about what I did with the gifts I was given. I believe I was given the competitiveness for a specific reason or reasons. Little by little that purpose will be revealed. This competitive fire burns for something much more than winning at everything. I'll keep it in mind the next visit to the grocery store or the next board game I play. The dash says so.

 

You Make the Call

    Have you ever made a decision in your life where everything didn't happen smoothly? I bet we could all answer that question with a resounding, "YES"!  All of our decisions whether they worked out or not are our own. We should take responsibility for them. We learn from what may have gone awry (hopefully) and look to use those experiences for our good next time.

  The older I get the more I see people concerning themselves more with what others are doing and less about their own lives. The other day I posted on Facebook that if we spent more time in self-reflection rather than the scrutinization of others the world would be better for it. I can't help but wonder what could be.

  There will be people who will not agree with what you decide. That is inevitable and okay. However, we as decision makers each need to live our lives not as people pleasers. Sure, it's good to bounce things off of others especially the big decisions you might make. It's good to take time and think things through. If you are a person of faith you may pray about it. You may ask others to pray. These are all great steps and I'm sure there are others. In the end though you have to make the call. You stand by your decision and support it. Bottom line: The buck stops with you and no one else.

  Going back to my Facebook post I believe we could all improve upon how we process other people's decisions. Yours truly included. I think of all of the things wrong in our world and then I see us fixated on what other people have decided more than we should. What a waste of time this is! There are many things we all could be doing with our time--items which are more productive for life, love and freedom. Time is precious. Let's all take a different approach. You'll be respected if you do.

  People are hungry, thirsty, over-burdened, over-worked, over-taxed, sick, exhausted, addicted and on and on. We should be more prudent about applying our time towards the above or trying to make a difference in our local, national and even world communities. Yapping about what so and so did and how he/she/they didn't do what you thought he/she/they should do is wrong. Even more wrong are the subsequent gossipy conversations. All of it is wasteful, tragic and it eats away at our hearts.

  All of us will make decisions that don't work out. It's life folks. Let people be. Hopefully they'll learn something. And if people don't make the decision you think they should pick up the phone and talk to them. Ask to meet with them. See what's going on in their life or lives. Take more of an interest and I guarantee people will respond positively to your inquiry. If people don't ask you your opinion then be okay with that too. No need to be offended. It's all good.

  Personal responsibility is at an all-time low. We live in a country where more people rely on government assistance than ever before. It's killing us. So, when people go through a process and make a decision we need to respect it. They've taken personal responsibility. Applaud that even if you disagree with their decision. Your words are empty if they are not spoken within some level of a relationship. We should speak truth to one another with the right attitude. If not then we are just spewing nonsense. Be about your own dash and let others mind theirs. You make the call.

 

Back In the Saddle

  After about a year away from writing I have decided to restart the blog. Hold your applause please!:)

  There are so many things which go through my head every day. It's a good thing I don't say a few of them. I think I've learned to have more of a filter. Maybe that wisdom has come with age. They say you don't really hit your stride until you are in your 40's. I'm not sure who 'they' are but I'm a few years beyond the 40-year mark. Perhaps there's something more there regarding the filter. Hey, I've got a few tomorrows left to find out. I certainly hope that's the case.

 I am not someone who likes to begin things just because it's a new year. I've always been a believer in starting new things all of the time. New Year's resolutions are rarely seen through. It doesn't mean we shouldn't work to be better people. However, a calendar's date shouldn't dictate when to take on a new challenge. Evaluate yourself and add or subtract each day. It's all I really know to be true for me.

  I have found the blog to be my other voice. It's where I feel I can expound upon topics which I am extremely passionate about. Facebook rants are the thing of the past for me. I'm sure you are all relieved! My posts can be about work, sports, politics, family, friends, injustice or really anything I feel moved to share. The blog is my space. It's where I can be me and let the creativity flow.

  I have had some people ask me about the blog and wondered if I'd be posting again. I had thought about writing posts from time to time but since last February that's all I have done. Honestly, I think I've really missed writing. I've missed using my space creatively. I've missed sharing my heart and using this God-given gift. Now I feel like a million bucks.

  I don't consider myself to be anything more than a common man who wants to see other people live their lives on purpose and do it with passion. I want to see people become all our Creator intended. In doing some self-reflection I realized I wasn't living my life on purpose as it relates to writing. How can I expect others to do what I've not been doing myself. The truth is I can't. A leader worth one's salt should know better!

So, "The Dash" is back. I am excited to begin this new journey. I've redesigned the look of the page and tried to give it a fresh reset. I'm not a page designer but I do the best I can. Knowing your strengths also involves realizing your weaknesses. Writing this has given me some new focus and inspiration. I welcome it! As you move forward in your own life don't ever forget about your dash. Your life is all about it!

Time to Buzz the Tower

  When I was a teenager one of my favorite movies was Top Gun. I was 15 when it came out back in 1986. I remember sitting about four rows from the screen and watching this epic movie playing before my eyes. I was with some friends and family I think. The movie was awesome. It was one of the best movies of its time and extremely popular. We went and saw it on opening weekend and I don't think we planned things too well, hence my neck wrenched seat. Regardless of how uncomfortable I was in my seat, I remember the excitement of the ride I embarked while the movie was shown. Back then I had no idea why I was so drawn to this movie. Lately I have begun to investigate why.

 For one, I was enamored with Tom Cruise's character, Pete Mitchell. His call sign was Maverick. I thought that was cool. The call sign, Maverick was very fitting for his character. I'm sure you all thought so too. I think there's a lot in a name. It means free thinker, a non-conformist. Some of you might have other words. My adoration with his character had nothing to do with flying planes or being in the Navy. I didn't have a desire to do either. I was watching someone I could connect with. I could understand his inward tension of a desire to push the rules to their limit all the while not wanting to hurt a few who were close. I was drawn to his winning attitude. Some say it was cocky. I'd say it was self-confidence.

  One of my favorite scenes in the movie is when Maverick buzzes the tower after beating one of the instructors (below the hard deck and all). He was told not to fly by the tower and he did it any way. I'm not suggesting we should all go out and just break all of the rules and do our own thing. I'm not suggesting living recklessly either. However, pushing things to their limit can be used to bring change to the world. People may view his behavior as insubordinate and arrogant while I cheer it. In the movie he was scolded for his actions. Tower buzzers often find themselves in hot water from time to time. I've been there myself. Look at the heart and you'll see the truth. It didn't seem to matter to his character in the movie. That was until tragedy took place. If you've seen the movie you know what I'm talking about.

   Maverick learned some great lessons in that movie. Through it all he never stopped being who he was. Yes, we are talking about a fictitious character but nonetheless he is a lot like you and me. If you are someone who is wired like this you have a great responsibility to steward what you've been given. Tower buzzers are needed in our world. The world needs all types. However, the tower buzzing hits much closer to home for me. I have lived it and still do. It usually is misunderstood. It's happened to me dozens of times. It still happens today. However, I have grown more secure in my tower buzzing so I don't really pay a lot of attention to naysayers. You shouldn't either.

  Passion, conviction and strong-will should not be confused with anger, closed-mindedness and stubbornness. Too many times this happens. I am a results driven person and I want to succeed and help others. When you know a person, you really know what drives them. For me it's about love and justice. Two reasons which will drive me until I take my last breath. My God has molded and shaped me. Love and justice are what God wants too. I want to be about what He wants. My latest self-reflection has brought these things to the forefront of what I want to see in my world. Justice and love go hand in hand. We need more of both in our world.

 There is nothing wrong with buzzing the towers in your work, school, church, community and neighborhood. I actually encourage it. People may say you need to follow a certain approach to how it's done. I beg to differ. Find your own approach. Be original. Succeed or fail on your own terms based on your own agenda. Figure out what motivates you and what you want to see change. Come up with a plan. Implement said plan. Follow through and don't look back. Tower buzzers don't want to be put in a box. I am not a disrespectful person nor do I want to hurt others. Like I wrote above, it's about love and justice for me. Go buzz the towers around you and bring change. Remember it's about the dash!