Winning IS Everything, But...

  The day my mother brought me into this world was great. If there was a contest with the other babies being born that day on who would come out first, I would have wanted to win. I had no understanding of winning or losing but if I did I would have thought, "I'm going to beat those other babies!" Somewhere along the way the competitive fire which burns deep inside began. Life does begin at conception so I'll say that's when the competitive fire was lit. Now, forty-two years later winning is still everything but I think the other night I gained some valuable perspective.

  Running is my outlet. I love to go out and shut the world out for a while. It's my time. No one can take it away from me. I was finishing up my run the other night when the thought occurred to me that I've spent a lot of time tracking my runs. I've spent time calculating the mileage. In essence, I've been competing with me. A lot of my life revolves around competition. As I finished that run I wondered: Is anything off limits? Is there anything not worth wanting to win? The best answer I can give is yes and no.

  Most of you know I am in sales. It fits my personality and it stokes my competitive fire. There's nothing better to me than taking an account from a competitor. I win and they lose. Sounds like a lot of fun. It certainly is! I also coach a 14U travel baseball team and spend a good 10 months of the year (at least) focused on winning. I always ask my guys why we play. Their answer is always, "To win." Ultimately, that's what we want to do every time. We are about results and winning is king.

  Losing is very, very bad. I don't do well with losing and never will. There are few things in life I don't do well with. They are being hungry, cold, not having my surroundings neat and tidy and LOSING. When I lose or when our team loses I don't want to eat, talk, laugh, drive, run, etc. I just want to stare and shut everything around me out. Pretty whacked for sure. Eventually I come around but I have a process and losing takes time to leave my system.

  I compete with people at the grocery store, the mall, playing a board game for fun (as if), driving on the highway and can find virtually anything to compete with people. Most of the time they don't even know I'm trying to beat them. I make up a game unbeknownst to a random, poor soul and usually win. Yes, I am a competitive freakshow. If I was a student I'd be competing with every other student. I am a sore loser in that I hate to lose.

 Back to the other night though. I want to find something that I enjoy physically where I don't actually compete. I've concluded that I want running to be that one thing. Sure, if I run a race then that changes things tremendously. I am running to win. However, if I'm not training and I go outside to blow off some steam then I need for it to be just that. I need to enjoy it more and not let it become competitive. It has to be for, dare I say it--fun!

 Over time I've learned how to control the competitiveness inside. Back in my 20's and early 30's I didn't have the self-control needed after losing. I broke a golf club on my wedding day playing a round before I married my best friend. The ball went right and didn't hook. Bad ball! And the club went flying. Really, who does that? I did and not proud to say so.

 Winning IS everything but I must remember that the dash doesn't represent wins or losses. It must represent how I loved, honored and gave. The dash is about what I did with the gifts I was given. I believe I was given the competitiveness for a specific reason or reasons. Little by little that purpose will be revealed. This competitive fire burns for something much more than winning at everything. I'll keep it in mind the next visit to the grocery store or the next board game I play. The dash says so.