Communication 101--How to Stay Above the Line

  This next series of posts is related to the topic of communication. For the next three posts I am going to talk about communicating better and why I believe, with all of the tools we have in 2012 to communicate, we have digressed in this area. Communicating with people has gotten worse my friends and I am not happy about it. Why is the case? Well, there are lots of reasons and we will talk about them over this next series. One of the things I have always strived to do with excellence (and I continue to work at it) is communicate with other people. Whether I had a particular beef with a person or had some thoughts or ideas about a topic or situation, I had always done my best to either talk in person or pick up the phone and talk. Unfortunately people are choosing the wrong methods to communicate their thoughts to others. There is one method people seem to use very often when they have a problem with someone and quite frankly it is the worst choice ever. I'm not sure why people do it. I have yet to figure it out. E-mail is this method and some people out of control. People are dipping below the line of doing the right thing. It's an epidemic. Kill them with kindness and truth. That's how we make the change. We can all do it minus one e-mail at a time.

 My roles in the community this past year left me vulnerable to drawing people's ire. Not everyone will agree with my way of doing things. People have their disagreements. That's fine with me--to a point however. There is a proper way to do it. Showing others respect is a lost art. I want to share two examples of the wrong way to communicate. Maybe you have been the recipient of these e-mails yourself. Maybe you have sent these type of e-mails. I am not here to judge. That is for someone else. Hopefully my tone will reflect my desire for people to stop acting like cyber-bullies and start acting like human beings. Sending an e-mail to a company complaining about their product you bought is different. E-mailing your congressperson to express your dissatisfaction with their policy decisions is different. These are not the examples I am referring to. There are times when e-mail is appropriate provided you show respect. I think common sense should kick in. Unfortunately, some folks lack this basic life skill. It's contagious like a cold these days.

  As most of you know baseball is one of my greatest passions. I love to play. At this point in life I do more coaching and I love it too. This past year was a very challenging year as a coach. I had a lot of "personalities" to deal with. It was my greatest coaching challenge yet. One of those "personalities" happened to be a parent. I know--we are all shocked by this. That's for another time though. About halfway through the season he sent me an e-mail basically ripping me as a coach and hinting that his kid needed to pitch more. So, I picked up the phone and called him. He wouldn't return my calls. I e-mailed him asking him to call me. His silence was deafening. He was pretty good at ripping me via e-mail. However, he lacked the guts to do it to my face. I told him so. He chose the wrong method of communication. I had to tell him so too. He didn't care. People like this guy won't learn. Maybe one day they will realize how wrong they are. Until then they will keep on alienating any and every volunteer coach. There is a common denominator here. The mirror says it all.

  The other instance came in my role as PTA president. We had begun our spring fundraiser. It was the first of its kind here in the county we live in. It was called Boosterthon. The kids needed to get sponsors for the Fun Run they would participate in at the conclusion of the fundraiser. One parent objected. I expected it. However, he chose e-mail to communicate his thoughts. He wrote things I guarantee he wouldn't have the guts to say to my face. I told him so. I tried to explain the proper way to handle an issue. A simple e-mail asking me to give him a call would have served better. I told him so. He is a constant complainer I am told. He doesn't like much and finds something wrong with anything and everything. That's an awful way to live. I asked him to help us or to come out to the Fun Run. He did neither. He'd decided to sit behind his computer and type a bunch of words rather than talk face to face. He chose incorrectly. I told him so. He went below the line. Life doesn't seem too fun when you are in that place. I'm not sure how he does it.

 The bottom line my friends is we have become extremely reliant on e-mail. It can prove to be a huge time saver in many instances. However, it has also given some people the green light to say whatever comes to mind. Maybe we should all make a note to self: E-mail is not for you to give us all your stream of consciousness for the day. Save that diatribe for your journal entries. Use e-mail when it makes sense. E-mail your congressperson. E-mail the company whose product you bought broke when it said it would last forever. Do it with the right heart though. Don't e-mail your teachers, pastors, Little League coaches, PTA presidents, neighbors, principals, or any like them when you have a beef. Ask to see them. Call them and ask for an appointment. Give them a heads up. Don't send gutless e-mails to them. You negate everything you say when you choose such a method. You look foolish and ridiculous. Those two parents set a bad example for their own families and kids. I told them so. Communication is an art. It is not easy. We have to work harder folks. Step away from the computer. Pick up the phone and call a meeting. Make the time! Remember, it's about the dash!