Communication 101: Final Family Talk

  In this final installment regarding communication I saved the most important for last. It may be last but it needs to be a priority in our lives. Communication amongst the family is a challenge. Sometimes it is a challenge between two married people, siblings, parents, grandparents, in laws...and on and on in families it goes. Communication, while necessary, is a struggle for a lot of us. And we have the hardest time communicating with those closest to us. Maybe you don't fall into this category. Bravo to you and yours. Sometimes communicating is too hard. Sometimes we expect others to know how we feel and think. While I don't believe completing your wife or husband's sentences because you have been around them so long is a bad thing, there is still a danger when we rely on this and not work on keeping everything out in the open. It's about full disclosure. It's a must for any and all families. The art of communicating takes practice. Our families need it. They won't survive without it.

  Do you ever wonder why it's much harder to talk to people you have known for a long time? Yet you could walk up to a stranger and carry on a conversation as if you were long lost friends. I read a quote that sums it up well. It reads, "Those whom we most love are often the most alien to us." Ouch. That one stings! Maybe there is a study out there as to why. I'd love to know more. That's not really the point though. Communication within the family unit is a great challenge. There are times when it runs like a well-oiled machine and times when it's a struggle to put a few sentences together. As a society we communicate less verbally. I talked about it in my social media and e-mail post a bit ago. The bottom line is we need to do a better job talking with and to those closest to us. It's not really optional. It's necessary and the family unit needs it now more than ever. Families are faced with great challenges every day. Communication can help. It will take more than the ol' college try. It will take a lifetime but without it there can be no life.

  I have spent the last almost 15 years married to a spectacular, beautiful woman. With all of the beauty we still have not arrived with our communication. I'm sure you all can relate. It takes work. It takes effort. It takes intentionality on both parts. Married couples sometime lose the desire to talk. Busy jobs, busy kids--not really good excuses but nonetheless it's a reality for most. I told my wife the other day that she and I needed to get away--just the two of us. We need to make it happen. It's for the best. The season we are in is different than others before. Maybe there exists some laziness or better yet complacency in these relationships. Great adjectives but bad results produced. Your relationship comes first. It's priority number one. It needs to be first. Without it running at a high level it can create more obstacles.

  That's not the only family communication however. Extended and immediate families get bigger the older we get. If you are like me you live away from your immediate and extended families. Even if you live close there are always challenges. For more than half of my life I have lived away from my siblings and close family. It's just been my path. I am willing to go wherever and I have had a lot of love and help along the way. However, it makes it more important to talk about the critical things. The lines need to stay open. Decisions your family members make are not fodder for gossipy chatter. No one should communicate ideas for family members and not involve them in the conversation. It's a pitfall sometimes we all have stumbled upon. This can be better. There is too much sweat equity. It's easy to be a Monday Morning QB--been there myself. This can change. It is a must.

  Recently there was a major breakup in the Hollywood world. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were all over the news (ad nauseum I must add) for their split. There was speculation about anything and everything. His beliefs, her beliefs, her family, his work, her friends...the list goes on and on. It's probably a little of each of those things but in the end one thing seems to keep going round and round in my head: I think they stopped talking. I think at some level they just stopped laying all of their cards on the table. I am a firm believer that to lead any group you must first be able to lead your own family. We must talk about our dreams as much as our disappointments. It always makes us feel better when we let it out. Family talk needs practice. There's no such thing as too much communication. More will avert catastrophes and years of resentment and bitterness. With time, honest speak and forgiveness a family revival can take place. I love to see them happen. There is nothing like seeing a family saved. It's worth it folks. Remember, it's about the dash.