Communication 101: Final Family Talk

  In this final installment regarding communication I saved the most important for last. It may be last but it needs to be a priority in our lives. Communication amongst the family is a challenge. Sometimes it is a challenge between two married people, siblings, parents, grandparents, in laws...and on and on in families it goes. Communication, while necessary, is a struggle for a lot of us. And we have the hardest time communicating with those closest to us. Maybe you don't fall into this category. Bravo to you and yours. Sometimes communicating is too hard. Sometimes we expect others to know how we feel and think. While I don't believe completing your wife or husband's sentences because you have been around them so long is a bad thing, there is still a danger when we rely on this and not work on keeping everything out in the open. It's about full disclosure. It's a must for any and all families. The art of communicating takes practice. Our families need it. They won't survive without it.

  Do you ever wonder why it's much harder to talk to people you have known for a long time? Yet you could walk up to a stranger and carry on a conversation as if you were long lost friends. I read a quote that sums it up well. It reads, "Those whom we most love are often the most alien to us." Ouch. That one stings! Maybe there is a study out there as to why. I'd love to know more. That's not really the point though. Communication within the family unit is a great challenge. There are times when it runs like a well-oiled machine and times when it's a struggle to put a few sentences together. As a society we communicate less verbally. I talked about it in my social media and e-mail post a bit ago. The bottom line is we need to do a better job talking with and to those closest to us. It's not really optional. It's necessary and the family unit needs it now more than ever. Families are faced with great challenges every day. Communication can help. It will take more than the ol' college try. It will take a lifetime but without it there can be no life.

  I have spent the last almost 15 years married to a spectacular, beautiful woman. With all of the beauty we still have not arrived with our communication. I'm sure you all can relate. It takes work. It takes effort. It takes intentionality on both parts. Married couples sometime lose the desire to talk. Busy jobs, busy kids--not really good excuses but nonetheless it's a reality for most. I told my wife the other day that she and I needed to get away--just the two of us. We need to make it happen. It's for the best. The season we are in is different than others before. Maybe there exists some laziness or better yet complacency in these relationships. Great adjectives but bad results produced. Your relationship comes first. It's priority number one. It needs to be first. Without it running at a high level it can create more obstacles.

  That's not the only family communication however. Extended and immediate families get bigger the older we get. If you are like me you live away from your immediate and extended families. Even if you live close there are always challenges. For more than half of my life I have lived away from my siblings and close family. It's just been my path. I am willing to go wherever and I have had a lot of love and help along the way. However, it makes it more important to talk about the critical things. The lines need to stay open. Decisions your family members make are not fodder for gossipy chatter. No one should communicate ideas for family members and not involve them in the conversation. It's a pitfall sometimes we all have stumbled upon. This can be better. There is too much sweat equity. It's easy to be a Monday Morning QB--been there myself. This can change. It is a must.

  Recently there was a major breakup in the Hollywood world. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were all over the news (ad nauseum I must add) for their split. There was speculation about anything and everything. His beliefs, her beliefs, her family, his work, her friends...the list goes on and on. It's probably a little of each of those things but in the end one thing seems to keep going round and round in my head: I think they stopped talking. I think at some level they just stopped laying all of their cards on the table. I am a firm believer that to lead any group you must first be able to lead your own family. We must talk about our dreams as much as our disappointments. It always makes us feel better when we let it out. Family talk needs practice. There's no such thing as too much communication. More will avert catastrophes and years of resentment and bitterness. With time, honest speak and forgiveness a family revival can take place. I love to see them happen. There is nothing like seeing a family saved. It's worth it folks. Remember, it's about the dash.

Communication 101: Public Speaking

  There are different large group settings we find ourselves in where we "have the floor" and need to communicate a point or a set of points. It's our turn to speak. We have something to say and hopefully it comes out the way we planned. Maybe we don't have a plan. We need to get one quick. I have found myself in these situations many, many times. The more I do it the more comfortable I feel. How about you? Do you like to speak to a group where every eye is on you? Over time I have felt much more at ease. Practice makes perfect. There is something stimulating about delivering a message to a group of people. Last night was one of those times. You never know when they are going to happen. So, you have to be ready to communicate. All eyes are on you. Every word, every emotion, every facial expression are dissected. It's your time. You open your mouth. Everyone is listening. The floor is yours.

  I mentioned last night was one of those times for me. In my case I was speaking to a great group of boys as their baseball coach. Gosh, I love baseball. It brings me so much joy. I can see me being involved in it for as long as I am breathing. However, I digress. There were different times before, during and after the game I spoke to the entire group. After the game (an exhausting, heart stopping, mind blowing game) I gathered all of the kids around and the parents were there too. There were about 30 of us standing outside the third base dugout. I was getting ready to address the team. We were all so tired. This game took everything from us. Everyone was exhausted. I needed to say something and simple was the call I sensed. I composed myself but my emotions let me say about five words. I said, "I am proud to have coached you boys tonight." As I spoke those words my voice cracked and my eyes begin to tear up. I composed myself. There was more to say. Their tough coach was broken but as proud as could be. It was special and we all knew it.

  Have you ever had moments like I just described? Speaking to large groups sometimes brings the best out of our words. Maybe your emotions get the best of you like they did me. I am cool with it. People wear their heart on their sleeve. That's me. Often we say things profound. Other times we would like to rewind and start over. I think a lot of us are intimidated by larger group setting. Why is that? Well, public speaking is one of the biggest fears most people have. Even the most confident of all people find themselves nerve racked from time to time. I remember the first sermon I delivered. It was crazy. Everyone waiting for me to say something. People listening (hopefully more listening and less sleeping) to my points. I had two shots at it though. The first one went well and the second one too. I knew I could do it. Yes, we are talking about practice.

  I guess speaking to large groups is an art. More of us can do it but I guess the fear wins out sometimes. We all have a point to make. We have something profound to say. They say to pretend everyone you are speaking to is in their underwear. I don't know about you but that's a scary proposition. I know, I know it is meant to be lighthearted. I get it. I took a public speaking class in college and got an A-. Apparently this professor gives out few A's. I didn't get the A because of how well I spoke but rather because I gave 16 speeches throughout the semester. I just kept going up there and giving it the ol' college try. No pun intended.

   You were created to communicate. Whether you are speaking to your family, friends, a room full of strangers or a group of baseball players, you have the floor. Your time is now. People love a good communicator. One of my favorites was Ronald Reagan. Never mind political affiliations here. He was just very good at communicating a point. He didn't pull punches and told it like it was. I like his kind of communication. I want to emulate it. Who do you like to listen to? Who is someone you want to emulate? Study him or her and practice, practice, practice. One day you may have a group of baseball players to address. Maybe you will have a nation to address. Oh, to dream big! Don't stop talking to people. Defeat your fear of public speaking. Your voice is important. Remember, it's about the dash!

Communication 101: Social Media's Trap

  Part of what makes us who we are is our ability (or supposed ability) to communicate with another human being. Last post I talked about the dangers of going below the line and using e-mail to communicate an objection or a problem you have with someone in your life or in your kids'. Sending an e-mail to your congressperson or newspaper editor is one thing. Sending a stream of consciousness verbal assault over the Internet to a friend, family member, teacher, pastor, coach, etc. usually is followed up with regrets. An apology should come next. While e-mail can be useful in speeding up our ability to communicate it often leaves people wondering what tone you meant or intimated. That my friends is a problem. It's a problem but only begins to scratch the surface on the deeper issues concerning abuse of social media.

  Social media, while useful in helping folks stay in touch, communicate new happenings to a bigger audience and re-connecting of old friends and family, has some human challenges. You know, humans do the typing and hit send. Sometimes we might wish we could have a do-over. In themselves e-mail and social media are great things. I believe they were created for good allowing folks like you and me get things done quicker and possibly more efficiently. They also help us, get ready...communicate! However, when you add the human element to any of these items things can turn out nasty. There is a common denominator as to why and here is a little hint: it's not everyone else. Issues can and should be resolved. People need to hold one another accountable. Resolution needs to be brought. Forgiveness usually ushers in a resolution of some sort. I love it when that happens. We can certainly hope for the best but a little self control and personal responsibility can go a long, long way. Climb on board the socially responsible train. There's lots of seats!

  Facebook, Twitter, My Space (is it still around?), Hi5 and Last.FM (the latter are used more in South America and the UK, respectively) are most of the major sites. You also have YouTube and Flickr which are more video and picture oriented. There are others but those are the major ones. In the end all of these can be used for good. However, a lot of time they are not. Personally, I have been on Facebook for about three years. I had always resisted it because I didn't think it would really make a difference. I looked at it in a negative way initially. All of that changed in 2009 when I joined a few friends on a teaching mission trip to Denmark. I met a lot of people and wanted to keep in touch. I had established some good friendships during the week I was there. I didn't want them to end. So, Facebook helps me stay in touch with them. I am forever grateful for how it keeps me connected. Do you remember why you joined a social media site? I'm sure it was for something good initially. If you find yourself going below the line on a particular site then maybe it's time to re-evaluate your existence on it. It's time well spent or at least it can be. We have to give it a shot. It won't hurt to try.

  Often times I use Facebook to give my opinion of something which happened in our country or around the world. While I may ruffle some feathers with my opinion I try my hardest to stay above the line. Things of the political nature are a challenge for me I will admit. I am a work in progress in this area. I will edit my posts before hitting send if they come across too harsh. Do I always get it right? Yes and no. I try to take the same advice I give out. A re-evaluation of my Facebook use is in process. I am not the "don't do as I say not to do but I'm doing it anyway" kind of person. My heart is to be a good example. I hope to keep above the line with my posts. Sometimes people don't need to know what you think. That's a challenge for me at times. In the end though I think my use of social media is pretty positive. I have heard horror stories of people using social media for personal vendettas. Ignorant Twitter posts and Facebook wars seem to be par for some folks' course. This is an immature tendency. Whatever happened to working out our differences in person? If you can't see them pick up the phone. Taking to social media to air out dirty laundry is unadviseable and inexcusable. If tempted to do so remember this phrase: Step Away From the Computer!

  None of us are perfect. I am the first to admit my own inadequacies. I think we have become heavily reliant on electronic communication. I am all for advances in technology. I think technology and more specifically social media were created for the good. It is like anything else--its greatness is judged by how we use it. We can turn anything bad originally created for the good. Maybe it's time to start a new trend. Like most things the negative is always brought to light. Whatever sells more newspapers and magazines and boosts website views and TV ratings unfortunately takes center stage. It's an issue we as a society need to overcome. All of that for another day though. Let's all do our part and use Facebook, Twitter and the like for the ways they were created for. I am in if you are. Keep the dirty laundry in-house. Air it out amongst the parties involved. Resolve, forgive and move on. It will be much better. There are some things everyone else doesn't really need to know. Remember, it's about the dash!

Communication 101--How to Stay Above the Line

  This next series of posts is related to the topic of communication. For the next three posts I am going to talk about communicating better and why I believe, with all of the tools we have in 2012 to communicate, we have digressed in this area. Communicating with people has gotten worse my friends and I am not happy about it. Why is the case? Well, there are lots of reasons and we will talk about them over this next series. One of the things I have always strived to do with excellence (and I continue to work at it) is communicate with other people. Whether I had a particular beef with a person or had some thoughts or ideas about a topic or situation, I had always done my best to either talk in person or pick up the phone and talk. Unfortunately people are choosing the wrong methods to communicate their thoughts to others. There is one method people seem to use very often when they have a problem with someone and quite frankly it is the worst choice ever. I'm not sure why people do it. I have yet to figure it out. E-mail is this method and some people out of control. People are dipping below the line of doing the right thing. It's an epidemic. Kill them with kindness and truth. That's how we make the change. We can all do it minus one e-mail at a time.

 My roles in the community this past year left me vulnerable to drawing people's ire. Not everyone will agree with my way of doing things. People have their disagreements. That's fine with me--to a point however. There is a proper way to do it. Showing others respect is a lost art. I want to share two examples of the wrong way to communicate. Maybe you have been the recipient of these e-mails yourself. Maybe you have sent these type of e-mails. I am not here to judge. That is for someone else. Hopefully my tone will reflect my desire for people to stop acting like cyber-bullies and start acting like human beings. Sending an e-mail to a company complaining about their product you bought is different. E-mailing your congressperson to express your dissatisfaction with their policy decisions is different. These are not the examples I am referring to. There are times when e-mail is appropriate provided you show respect. I think common sense should kick in. Unfortunately, some folks lack this basic life skill. It's contagious like a cold these days.

  As most of you know baseball is one of my greatest passions. I love to play. At this point in life I do more coaching and I love it too. This past year was a very challenging year as a coach. I had a lot of "personalities" to deal with. It was my greatest coaching challenge yet. One of those "personalities" happened to be a parent. I know--we are all shocked by this. That's for another time though. About halfway through the season he sent me an e-mail basically ripping me as a coach and hinting that his kid needed to pitch more. So, I picked up the phone and called him. He wouldn't return my calls. I e-mailed him asking him to call me. His silence was deafening. He was pretty good at ripping me via e-mail. However, he lacked the guts to do it to my face. I told him so. He chose the wrong method of communication. I had to tell him so too. He didn't care. People like this guy won't learn. Maybe one day they will realize how wrong they are. Until then they will keep on alienating any and every volunteer coach. There is a common denominator here. The mirror says it all.

  The other instance came in my role as PTA president. We had begun our spring fundraiser. It was the first of its kind here in the county we live in. It was called Boosterthon. The kids needed to get sponsors for the Fun Run they would participate in at the conclusion of the fundraiser. One parent objected. I expected it. However, he chose e-mail to communicate his thoughts. He wrote things I guarantee he wouldn't have the guts to say to my face. I told him so. I tried to explain the proper way to handle an issue. A simple e-mail asking me to give him a call would have served better. I told him so. He is a constant complainer I am told. He doesn't like much and finds something wrong with anything and everything. That's an awful way to live. I asked him to help us or to come out to the Fun Run. He did neither. He'd decided to sit behind his computer and type a bunch of words rather than talk face to face. He chose incorrectly. I told him so. He went below the line. Life doesn't seem too fun when you are in that place. I'm not sure how he does it.

 The bottom line my friends is we have become extremely reliant on e-mail. It can prove to be a huge time saver in many instances. However, it has also given some people the green light to say whatever comes to mind. Maybe we should all make a note to self: E-mail is not for you to give us all your stream of consciousness for the day. Save that diatribe for your journal entries. Use e-mail when it makes sense. E-mail your congressperson. E-mail the company whose product you bought broke when it said it would last forever. Do it with the right heart though. Don't e-mail your teachers, pastors, Little League coaches, PTA presidents, neighbors, principals, or any like them when you have a beef. Ask to see them. Call them and ask for an appointment. Give them a heads up. Don't send gutless e-mails to them. You negate everything you say when you choose such a method. You look foolish and ridiculous. Those two parents set a bad example for their own families and kids. I told them so. Communication is an art. It is not easy. We have to work harder folks. Step away from the computer. Pick up the phone and call a meeting. Make the time! Remember, it's about the dash!

Community Through My Eyes--The Family

  The family unit can and should be the bread and butter for all other community existing in our world today. Without healthy families the communities which branch out from them will not flourish. Neighborhoods, schools, churches, other non-profits, other for-profits will all fail if the family community is not running on all cylinders. One might think this is a rather extreme statement but my experience out and about has told me otherwise. Healthy families make the world go round so to speak. They put the spark in our neighborhoods, schools, and other groups and organizations all over the world. Is there a perfectly healthy family out there? My experience out and about would also tell me no. I don't need to look any further than my own. Should that stop us from trying to work as hard as we can to be perfect families? I would hope not. However, if we all just accept the fact that families will never be perfect and quit working on making them better then we will never bring the change our world needs. If for nothing else we need to teach our children how to make a difference. The world they are growing up in is becoming more tolerant of everything meaningless and less life-changing of what connects people together. The families hold a very important key. It's time we all start opening some new doors.

  Almost two years ago (one month shy of our two year anniversary) my family and I decided to move to North Carolina. Most of you reading this already knew that. However you don't know all of our thought process in arriving at this decision. In some ways the idea of family played a huge part in signing off on this new adventure. Yes, we moved away from a lot of our families and great friends to a place where we knew virtually no one. On the surface people might say this is crazy. Well, call me and my family crazy! Our family needed a recalibration. I felt like the five of us needed to become closer on a deeper level. In order for us to open new doors now and in the future there were some things my wife and I had to experience. There were some things our three children needed to experience. We all have done that in different ways. We rely on each other greatly and each one of us has grown in specific areas. We are not perfect however. There is more to do and learn. We have grown together in the last two years through good and bad times. We continue to build up one another and continue in our search for the purposes for now and the future. And the five of us are on the adventure of a lifetime.

  So, what's wrong with our families today? Why is there such a disconnect between the different members of all of our families? For starters we have allowed the world to dictate how, when, why and what we do. We have let society drive our purpose and we have become more like passengers on a train. Let me ask all of us a question: When was the last time you had a sit-down dinner and just talked without iPhones buzzing or the television blaring? Having a sit-down dinner might not be possible because everyone may live in a different place. Those situations are out there no doubt. I am talking about the family who all live under the same roof and don't stop for 15 minutes to just be a family. It is needed greatly and kudos to you if you are amongst those who do. We need to pray together, laugh and have fun together, eat and watch a movie together. In this fast paced world we need to do more of all of those things. Time well spent together will not only create memories within but will catalyze the change needed all around. It's the kind of wholesome change a family can bring to a world desperate for feeling alive.

 There are certainly many more things we could look at in terms of what is wrong with families. However, I want to focus on what can be done when families work together. It is rather easy to sit back and list a myriad of reasons why families are failing. The glass half empty approach has never been my calling card. I see the greatness in families. I see the potential families have to make a difference in this world. I see other kids in my surrounding community who come from broken families. Maybe their mom left or they have not seen their dad for many years. Some are absent even when present. I think those are the kind that hurt the most. In any case families need to take back what's been let go over the years. Spend the time together on a deeper level. Come up with a family mission and vision statement. As I was typing this post I had that exact thought for my own family. It's going to happen. You can count on it my friends.

  Families will make a mark for sure as the years move ahead. Our world won't survive without healthy community at home. Take charge of your family today. Whatever your family situation there is always hope. Hope must bring a call to action however. Action is brought about by a fuel called passion. When we become passionate about anything, we want nothing more than to see it come to fruition. Passions turn things from bad to good. I want to see healthy families and I am going to continue working on my own. These blog posts inspire me to do better. They cause me to look in the mirror and perform a gut check. Am I the best dad and husband/best friend I can be? No, I am not. Has my family arrived as the end-all-be-all of families? No, we have not. We must stay the course and set sail on the waters of change. Our Captain is in control and we are following His lead. Families are forever. We must not flinch. They must be protected. Families must bring needed change. Are you and your family on board? I hope so. We need you. Remember, it's about the dash!

Community Through My Eyes--The Schools

  I know this topic sort of falls under the same category as my last post. Seeing that it is my blog I got to trump the boss' decision and not write about the scheduled, "community as it relates to the family." It is great being able to change things up on the fly. Back to the topic at hand. The schools are in our neighborhoods just as non-profit organizations are (which I wrote about in my last post). Schools are great places with great people young and older. Because of my involvement in the school community I was able to witness something so rich this past week and it blew me away. As the PTA President of my girls' school, Cleveland Elementary, I, along with my fellow Board members and school administration decided to have a very different spring fundraiser. It went against what everyone knew in the past and it brought a lot of excitement and fun to our school. There was a gem in all of this too. It was something I will never forget. You find these often when the motives of the heart are about bringing real goodness and joy to others. I can say for sure this was one of those times.

  Some of you out there may have heard of an organization called Boosterthon. They are an organization of special people full of energy and do a great job of being a presence inside of a school's community for about two weeks. They come up with a new focus or adventure theme every year. This year was Epic Adventure. The word "epic" served as an acronym (encourage, play, invite, celebrate). Each day a team from Boosterthon would be out at car pool, go inside the classrooms, bring coffee in for teachers and staff and really immerse themselves into the school community. Their trips to the classroom are short and sweet and the acronym plays a part in their short lessons. All of this is capped off by a Fun Run designed to raise money for the school. Students get sponsored to run a certain amount of laps around a track distance of one-sixteenth of a mile. One huge plus is each school that does this fundraiser gets to keep fifty-two percent of the profit while the company keeps forty-eight. You don't see that too often. Anyway the fun was about to begin.

  This past Thursday I took the day off from work to be a part of the student Fun Run. Anything having to do with exercise (running in particular), people, community, fun and music gets me every time. It was cool to see each team (teacher and class) be introduced and run out from the mobile tunnel setup. It was the kids' Super Bowl moment. Everyone was being recognized. All of the kids wore the free t-shirt they were given and all students were allowed to run in the Fun Run even if they did not get any pledges. These people are about inclusion rather than exclusion. That kind of thinking is a winner in my book. There were three different Fun Runs that day. Six grades (K-5) ran with two grades going at a time on the two tracks setup. I had a blast running with the kids and mingling with everyone. They had a different song for every lap. I didn't want the day to end. I stopped for a moment and took it all in. It was overwhelming at times but the best news was yet to come.

  Later that night I attended the Johnston County school administration and PTA dinner at a local high school. As I was standing in line getting some food the principal of our school shared some good news. First, one of the parents who had complained about having to have his daughter get pledges showed up to the event and had a blast. His whole attitude did an about-face. He saw the whole program for what it was. He complimented us on a job well done. That was nice to hear. It brought a school community together for a day of fun and excitement. It made everyone owners of a community that could not be shaken. It was ours and we were sharing it together. I wished more people could have been a part of it. It was cool! The next story is what makes these kinds of events all worth it. Every community event has them. Nothing could prepare me for what I was about to hear.

 As I inched closer to where the food was the principal told us an amazing story of a troubled third-grade boy. People have a hard time accepting him and he has trouble relating to others. She said he is viewed as an outcast. I'm sure you hear stories like this yourself in different walks of life. The principal told me this young boy told his teacher "this was the best day of his life." He said, "for the first time ever he felt like he had friends." I stood there speechless. I thought, this was the best day of his life? You mean he never had a birthday party he liked better? Did ever have a birthday party? The day he was born was not a great day in his mind? Apparently not. I didn't know what to say and the words were hard to find. I couldn't believe my ears and felt my eyes begin to well up with tears. As awesome as it was to hear it broke my heart. This is part of why I get involved in my community. Making a difference in a child's life makes it all worth it. I hope this story encourages you to be a participant and not a spectator in your school community. Our schools are filled with great kids. There are gems everywhere. Some are troubled. Some are crying for help. Some just want to belong. It's never too late to jump in. Remember, it's about the dash!

Community Through My Eyes--The Neighborhoods

  One of the thoughts I went away thinking about during my blog break and makeover was how I could come up with topics specifically designed for creating a series of posts. Instead of bouncing around from week to week or post to post with different topics I want to create a series of posts connected to a common theme. The length of each theme will vary and I am very excited about this new format. I have many interests and have a lot to say about a variety of things. I am sure you have already figured that out. In any case I went away and thought about the different topics I have great love for and some I feel challenged by. I came back with one I love dearly. It is something I am extremely passionate about. It is a word that gets thrown around in different circles (sometimes, ad nauseum) and so many of us are desperately seeking it. The word is community and it means the world to me. For the next few posts I am going to lay out for you my thoughts on community as it relates to family, work, friends and neighborhoods (although not in that order). Who is your community? Better yet, what is your community? Here is my take as it relates to the neighborhood.

  This past weekend I was a part of something fantastic. I saw community in the neighborhoods come together in a way that brought chills to my body. One of the organizations I have been a part of ever since we moved to North Carolina back in 2010 is the Greater Cleveland Athletic Association. It is where my kids play their sports and I coach. Over the weekend we held, "Opening Day Ceremonies" for the baseball program and it was a blast. I saw people from all different neighborhoods in the Cleveland area come together for a common purpose. All of us were sharing in the moment of kicking off the baseball season and it was awesome. It was a spectacular sunny and warm day here in our neck of the woods. There were bouncy slides, music, team mascots, food and a whole bunch of people hanging out together. I'd say there were about seven or eight hundred people in attendance. This was community with a cause. We all shared a common theme and were excited to be there. It was not contrived or manufactured but simply was. That is my kind of community. No artificial flavoring but simply natural. And it left a taste in my mouth for more.

  Each team and coach were announced and lined up on the main ballfield. Through all of the divisions there were about 20 teams. There were about 385 kids in all. That was double the amount of kids playing baseball from a year ago. I lined up at home plate with my team and then two things happened that I did not expect. First, we all paused while someone prayed and thanked God for all we had around us. It moved and spurred me. I had not been a part of a secular organization that had done something like this en masse. It was very cool. Second, we played the national anthem. The playing of the anthem was not surprising because it is common around sporting events. The thing that caught my eye was the two gentleman sitting in the bleachers on the soccer field out past the centerfield wall who turned around and saluted the flag while the anthem played. They showed an allegiance to community as all of us did as we stood there saluting our country's colors. It was a "you had to be there" moment and I was glad I was. It made me proud to be alive and left me wanting to create more of these times. Our neighborhoods were creating community and it was a perfect ten.

   Community in our neighborhoods can be a variety of things. We have done cookouts with a bunch of families around our home. Maybe you have too. It could be a gathering as I described above. Community outside our doors brings people together. It's what we need to see more of. We are all too busy. I know I get caught up sometimes. If we want to bring change to anything it has to start in our neighborhoods. No disrespect to our elected officials but this is where change begins. This is where it all happens. It starts in Your Town and Mine, USA and you and I can and should be a part of it. It is where the single mom who works herself to death to pay her bills gets her lawn mowed or driveway shoveled by her neighbors. It is where we make meals for someone's family when a life change has occurred. It is where we meet and discuss ways to make our world better. It is where we take care of our neighbor whose husband or wife is off defending our country somewhere around the world. It is where groups of men, women and children band together to support, encourage and teach. It is where I believe the greatest changes of our world will happen.

   The single most impactful thing a neighborhood offers is caring for others in a grassroots kind of way. We bog ourselves down too much with structure and "well, this is the way we always do it" kind of thinking. We need to stop trying to manufacture it. No one wants community that way. You can't force it. It kills me to see that. People want real. Your neighbors want community just as much as you do but something holds us back. Break down the walls. Fences don't make great neighbors. I don't think the person who coined the phrase knew the truth. The great thing about community in the neighborhood is you don't really have to plan it. You just live your life and look for opportunities to participate. It's what I try to do. Sure, not all of us have that social bug in us. You don't have to. Live your life and put others above yourself. It is simple but yet so hard. Community in the neighborhood is a powerful tool. It can encourage and bring hope. People are desperate for both. Don't sell yourself short or others around you. Get out there and be great. Remember, it's about the dash!