From Start to Finish: Being a Real McCoy

 I always knew I would be a coach one day. I wasn't sure how, why or with whom but I knew it was something I would do. My sport is baseball. I call it mine because I love it. I am energized by it. I have a healthy romance with it. To some my coaching may mirror crazy. That's okay. I think my kids' parents approve. It's better than mirroring inept, poor and half-hearted coaching. I'll take crazy all day, every day. My players and their parents do too.

 I have played baseball since I was a youngster, probably around six or seven. I remember the day it all changed for me. My Little League Minor's team was playing Lindy's Smoke Shop. Yes, they had those back in the day. I came to the plate searching for my first hit of the season. The bases were loaded as I approached the plate with my Little League wooden bat. One ball and one strike was the count. The next pitch was grooved right down the middle. I took a swing and thwack, the ball took off for left center field. My first grand slam was now in the books and the fire, which still burns today for the game of baseball, was lit.

 I remember being in the garage of my colonial-style home the late afternoon before that life-changing, evening game. I was swinging my bat and visualizing hitting. As a kid I was just dreaming about what could be. Looking back now I figured out what I was really doing. I was preparing to tell my young men today what it means to be mentally prepared to play. I was preparing for my time as a coach as innocent as what I then-called dreaming. I had no idea what would be thirty-plus years later.

 Usually I can't remember where I put my keys, wallet, and phone. However, there are certain things I just don't forget. The romance with my game became real on that spring day in Long Island, NY. It was the day I knew I was born to play the game. It was where win or lose I was going to be part of something special for a very long time. It was the beginning of where I would honor, love and respect something which would teach me so much about life. Positively, one-hundred percent, I fell in love with baseball.

 As someone who is passionate about baseball I hold myself to a very high standard. I did as a player and I do as a coach. I could never take enough swings or fly balls. I can never stop teaching or motivating. Every fly ball and swing represented something I'd do in a game. Every moment with my guys is critical. I expected excellence from myself as a player and I do today as a coach. Nothing less is acceptable.

 There are some who coach baseball (and other sports) just for a paycheck and/or for an ego boost but lack passion for it. Nothing could be worse for the players. I coach baseball because deep down to the core of my being I was made for it. When I step onto the field everything in the world seems right. I love the smell of the freshly cut grass on a hot, July day, the hot dogs cooking at the concession stand and the umpire yelling, "Play ball". My players and families are all gathered together with the same goal. Yeah, all is well. As a player and coach it feels like home.

 For the pretenders, coaching my sport is just a means to an end. They are out there and closer then you think. They wear a hat, swing a bat and will one day judge your kid. They will give useless feedback which is contradicted by their inability to judge all talent properly. They will make excuses for their laziness and confuse humility with ineptness. They have neither passion or heart for the game. When you see the pretenders move on to Plan B. The status of playing for a pretender-coach is not worth it. Your child's future is worth more. Pretenders are only concerned with the present.

 People may think my baseball love is an obsession or I've made baseball an idol. Reading this you may think it is over the top. Not so. Trust me, I haven't arrived and am not every player's coach. History would dictate such. I am always learning. However, in over 30 years of playing or coaching baseball one thing remains true: You can't teach heart and passion. I know I possess both. Without those two ingredients you can't improve. Talent only gets us so far. Stay strong and go wherever your passion leads you. Stoke the fire once you've discovered yours. Your dash is all about it!

What's the Big Deal?

   Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier in Major League baseball when he made his debut with the Brooklyn Dodgers in April, 1947. That year he would go on to win National League Rookie of the Year. In July of the same year Larry Doby would debut in the American League with the Cleveland Indians. Both broke through years of black oppression, of which would continue on for many years later, and laid the foundation for others. They were trailblazers in my sport and more importantly changed history for the better. I love their stories and am thankful they had the guts to stand up and conquer injustice.

  Over the past year we have seen two people "come out" in the sports world regarding their sexuality. Last April Jason Collins, an NBA player, told the world he was gay and recently Michael Sam, a college football player (soon to be NFL player), told the world the same. The liberal media, as they typically do with non-story items, jumped all over both. Good Morning America of ABC and the NY Times, both liberally biased organizations (which is a travesty unto itself), wasted no time in getting the "stories". Lovely.

 If you know me well enough you know I am for ALL people. I want ALL people to chase and achieve their dreams. I am against injustice and dislike people being discriminated against for most anything. I am sure Collins and Sam were relieved to tell their story. Great! I just don't know what the big deal is. It's just like reporting on what Hollywood train-wrecks are now a couple or where some "famous" person was spotted drinking coffee. I don't care.

 I am not a homosexual so I don't know what challenges that particular person faces daily if they do at all. However, everywhere I look I don't see much, if any, discrimination against a person because of their sexuality. One thing I do know is our society will bend over backwards and make sure a gay person doesn't get discriminated but will lash out and pummel any person of faith at the drop of the hat. You won't see that covered on Good Morning America or see three bylines in the NY Times for that story. No, sir!

 While I don't believe homosexuality is what our Creator intended (He created man-Adam and woman-Eve) I don't walk around ripping people for their choices. ALL people make bad and poor decisions all of the time. So, it's not about what person has made the poorest choice or who has sinned worse. That's not for me to judge. I am simply tired of people making a news story over nonsense. Please stop. It's like reporting that it's snowing outside.

 When Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier that was news. I don't think you all need me to give you a history lesson as to the oppression our black friends endured. I am not sure I've seen that same oppression with people who make other choices related to sexuality. So, I don't think they can be compared in the same way. They aren't even in the same ballpark, no pun intended.

 Evaluating myself as a person, man, son, dad, husband, brother, uncle, friend, co-worker and coach is a necessary practice. I don't hate anyone. However, I am not going to sacrifice my values, morals and beliefs because I am supposed to be accepting of everyone else. No apologies offered either. One of my heroes said it best, "...I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some." He said this in the context of never sacrificing who he was and what he was put on this earth to do. Me too.

 In the end I am hopeful that Sam and Collins have successful careers wherever they end up. One is just starting out and the other pretty much never really got going. All of the best fellas. Let's just stop making a big deal about things that really are not. We are so enamored with the social make-up of our world and are obsessed with its perceived value. Maybe if the media could stop its love affair with unimportance we could all focus more on our dash and making the world better for all concerned. All of us are here for a short time. Every day the dash gets shorter. Now there's news we can all use!

Where Are You Going?

  The other day I was driving through downtown Raleigh and was sitting in my car at a stoplight. Nearby was a soup kitchen which serves lunch for people in need. As I sat at the stoplight a homeless man, whose face had that cold and leathery look, walked across the street in front of my car. He evidently had just finished eating at the soup kitchen. As he walked in front of my car my eyes were fixated on him as he reached the other side. I wondered several things to myself about him. Ultimately, I wanted to know: Where was he going?

 While I am sure I've made assumptions about this man, personal experience would tell me I was pretty accurate on my assessment of him. However, this post is not about making assumptions. It's about asking ourselves some tough questions. With many things in life we don't really have a plan or purpose. We have no idea where we are and ultimately don't know where we are headed. I don't know if the man who walked in front of my car had any particular place to go. However, his steps across the street caused me to pause and ask myself, "Where are you going, Kevin?"

 Of course I am talking in a figurative sense. I was pretty sure where I was headed next in the literal sense behind the wheel of my car. Over the past week, however, I did some serious soul searching. I looked inside of me and took inventory. Honestly, I tend NOT to do this often. People who are choleric, sanguine personalities know two things: We are right and we are about having fun. And that can be difficult and prevent you from preparing for your future. Take it from one who has lived it.

 So, where am I going? I am going places for sure. I was born to push it. I was born to make things happen. My destiny is not about the status-quo. This much I know is true. I want to bring change and want to succeed or fail on my own terms. I don't walk around making decisions based on what others think is the best. I'm very much in touch with who I am and have a great amount of confidence. However, I keep coming back to that burning question: Where are you going, Kevin?

 Well, I am in the process of discovering the answer. I am going to dig deep and ask myself some hard questions. I'm going to read and learn and I'm going to talk to other people and see. Successful people have a desire to achieve more. One way they do this is to talk to other successful people. We can learn so much from others. We just have to be willing to do one thing which choleric, sanguines don't always do well: LISTEN! We have to be willing to put our pride aside and ask ourselves some really tough questions. You might want to ask yourself first: Where am I?

 Go on a journey with yourself. Take some time to figure out where you are right now. Figure out where you want to go. What do you want to do with your life? Where do you want to go? Don't let anything stand in your way. Dream big and don't limit yourself to geography or doing what others expect. Each person has their own destiny. Find someone to hold you accountable. Formulate your plan. Get excited about it! Look at it every day. Where are you going? Your dash is counting on you!

 

Winning IS Everything, But...

  The day my mother brought me into this world was great. If there was a contest with the other babies being born that day on who would come out first, I would have wanted to win. I had no understanding of winning or losing but if I did I would have thought, "I'm going to beat those other babies!" Somewhere along the way the competitive fire which burns deep inside began. Life does begin at conception so I'll say that's when the competitive fire was lit. Now, forty-two years later winning is still everything but I think the other night I gained some valuable perspective.

  Running is my outlet. I love to go out and shut the world out for a while. It's my time. No one can take it away from me. I was finishing up my run the other night when the thought occurred to me that I've spent a lot of time tracking my runs. I've spent time calculating the mileage. In essence, I've been competing with me. A lot of my life revolves around competition. As I finished that run I wondered: Is anything off limits? Is there anything not worth wanting to win? The best answer I can give is yes and no.

  Most of you know I am in sales. It fits my personality and it stokes my competitive fire. There's nothing better to me than taking an account from a competitor. I win and they lose. Sounds like a lot of fun. It certainly is! I also coach a 14U travel baseball team and spend a good 10 months of the year (at least) focused on winning. I always ask my guys why we play. Their answer is always, "To win." Ultimately, that's what we want to do every time. We are about results and winning is king.

  Losing is very, very bad. I don't do well with losing and never will. There are few things in life I don't do well with. They are being hungry, cold, not having my surroundings neat and tidy and LOSING. When I lose or when our team loses I don't want to eat, talk, laugh, drive, run, etc. I just want to stare and shut everything around me out. Pretty whacked for sure. Eventually I come around but I have a process and losing takes time to leave my system.

  I compete with people at the grocery store, the mall, playing a board game for fun (as if), driving on the highway and can find virtually anything to compete with people. Most of the time they don't even know I'm trying to beat them. I make up a game unbeknownst to a random, poor soul and usually win. Yes, I am a competitive freakshow. If I was a student I'd be competing with every other student. I am a sore loser in that I hate to lose.

 Back to the other night though. I want to find something that I enjoy physically where I don't actually compete. I've concluded that I want running to be that one thing. Sure, if I run a race then that changes things tremendously. I am running to win. However, if I'm not training and I go outside to blow off some steam then I need for it to be just that. I need to enjoy it more and not let it become competitive. It has to be for, dare I say it--fun!

 Over time I've learned how to control the competitiveness inside. Back in my 20's and early 30's I didn't have the self-control needed after losing. I broke a golf club on my wedding day playing a round before I married my best friend. The ball went right and didn't hook. Bad ball! And the club went flying. Really, who does that? I did and not proud to say so.

 Winning IS everything but I must remember that the dash doesn't represent wins or losses. It must represent how I loved, honored and gave. The dash is about what I did with the gifts I was given. I believe I was given the competitiveness for a specific reason or reasons. Little by little that purpose will be revealed. This competitive fire burns for something much more than winning at everything. I'll keep it in mind the next visit to the grocery store or the next board game I play. The dash says so.

 

You Make the Call

    Have you ever made a decision in your life where everything didn't happen smoothly? I bet we could all answer that question with a resounding, "YES"!  All of our decisions whether they worked out or not are our own. We should take responsibility for them. We learn from what may have gone awry (hopefully) and look to use those experiences for our good next time.

  The older I get the more I see people concerning themselves more with what others are doing and less about their own lives. The other day I posted on Facebook that if we spent more time in self-reflection rather than the scrutinization of others the world would be better for it. I can't help but wonder what could be.

  There will be people who will not agree with what you decide. That is inevitable and okay. However, we as decision makers each need to live our lives not as people pleasers. Sure, it's good to bounce things off of others especially the big decisions you might make. It's good to take time and think things through. If you are a person of faith you may pray about it. You may ask others to pray. These are all great steps and I'm sure there are others. In the end though you have to make the call. You stand by your decision and support it. Bottom line: The buck stops with you and no one else.

  Going back to my Facebook post I believe we could all improve upon how we process other people's decisions. Yours truly included. I think of all of the things wrong in our world and then I see us fixated on what other people have decided more than we should. What a waste of time this is! There are many things we all could be doing with our time--items which are more productive for life, love and freedom. Time is precious. Let's all take a different approach. You'll be respected if you do.

  People are hungry, thirsty, over-burdened, over-worked, over-taxed, sick, exhausted, addicted and on and on. We should be more prudent about applying our time towards the above or trying to make a difference in our local, national and even world communities. Yapping about what so and so did and how he/she/they didn't do what you thought he/she/they should do is wrong. Even more wrong are the subsequent gossipy conversations. All of it is wasteful, tragic and it eats away at our hearts.

  All of us will make decisions that don't work out. It's life folks. Let people be. Hopefully they'll learn something. And if people don't make the decision you think they should pick up the phone and talk to them. Ask to meet with them. See what's going on in their life or lives. Take more of an interest and I guarantee people will respond positively to your inquiry. If people don't ask you your opinion then be okay with that too. No need to be offended. It's all good.

  Personal responsibility is at an all-time low. We live in a country where more people rely on government assistance than ever before. It's killing us. So, when people go through a process and make a decision we need to respect it. They've taken personal responsibility. Applaud that even if you disagree with their decision. Your words are empty if they are not spoken within some level of a relationship. We should speak truth to one another with the right attitude. If not then we are just spewing nonsense. Be about your own dash and let others mind theirs. You make the call.

 

Back In the Saddle

  After about a year away from writing I have decided to restart the blog. Hold your applause please!:)

  There are so many things which go through my head every day. It's a good thing I don't say a few of them. I think I've learned to have more of a filter. Maybe that wisdom has come with age. They say you don't really hit your stride until you are in your 40's. I'm not sure who 'they' are but I'm a few years beyond the 40-year mark. Perhaps there's something more there regarding the filter. Hey, I've got a few tomorrows left to find out. I certainly hope that's the case.

 I am not someone who likes to begin things just because it's a new year. I've always been a believer in starting new things all of the time. New Year's resolutions are rarely seen through. It doesn't mean we shouldn't work to be better people. However, a calendar's date shouldn't dictate when to take on a new challenge. Evaluate yourself and add or subtract each day. It's all I really know to be true for me.

  I have found the blog to be my other voice. It's where I feel I can expound upon topics which I am extremely passionate about. Facebook rants are the thing of the past for me. I'm sure you are all relieved! My posts can be about work, sports, politics, family, friends, injustice or really anything I feel moved to share. The blog is my space. It's where I can be me and let the creativity flow.

  I have had some people ask me about the blog and wondered if I'd be posting again. I had thought about writing posts from time to time but since last February that's all I have done. Honestly, I think I've really missed writing. I've missed using my space creatively. I've missed sharing my heart and using this God-given gift. Now I feel like a million bucks.

  I don't consider myself to be anything more than a common man who wants to see other people live their lives on purpose and do it with passion. I want to see people become all our Creator intended. In doing some self-reflection I realized I wasn't living my life on purpose as it relates to writing. How can I expect others to do what I've not been doing myself. The truth is I can't. A leader worth one's salt should know better!

So, "The Dash" is back. I am excited to begin this new journey. I've redesigned the look of the page and tried to give it a fresh reset. I'm not a page designer but I do the best I can. Knowing your strengths also involves realizing your weaknesses. Writing this has given me some new focus and inspiration. I welcome it! As you move forward in your own life don't ever forget about your dash. Your life is all about it!

Time to Buzz the Tower

  When I was a teenager one of my favorite movies was Top Gun. I was 15 when it came out back in 1986. I remember sitting about four rows from the screen and watching this epic movie playing before my eyes. I was with some friends and family I think. The movie was awesome. It was one of the best movies of its time and extremely popular. We went and saw it on opening weekend and I don't think we planned things too well, hence my neck wrenched seat. Regardless of how uncomfortable I was in my seat, I remember the excitement of the ride I embarked while the movie was shown. Back then I had no idea why I was so drawn to this movie. Lately I have begun to investigate why.

 For one, I was enamored with Tom Cruise's character, Pete Mitchell. His call sign was Maverick. I thought that was cool. The call sign, Maverick was very fitting for his character. I'm sure you all thought so too. I think there's a lot in a name. It means free thinker, a non-conformist. Some of you might have other words. My adoration with his character had nothing to do with flying planes or being in the Navy. I didn't have a desire to do either. I was watching someone I could connect with. I could understand his inward tension of a desire to push the rules to their limit all the while not wanting to hurt a few who were close. I was drawn to his winning attitude. Some say it was cocky. I'd say it was self-confidence.

  One of my favorite scenes in the movie is when Maverick buzzes the tower after beating one of the instructors (below the hard deck and all). He was told not to fly by the tower and he did it any way. I'm not suggesting we should all go out and just break all of the rules and do our own thing. I'm not suggesting living recklessly either. However, pushing things to their limit can be used to bring change to the world. People may view his behavior as insubordinate and arrogant while I cheer it. In the movie he was scolded for his actions. Tower buzzers often find themselves in hot water from time to time. I've been there myself. Look at the heart and you'll see the truth. It didn't seem to matter to his character in the movie. That was until tragedy took place. If you've seen the movie you know what I'm talking about.

   Maverick learned some great lessons in that movie. Through it all he never stopped being who he was. Yes, we are talking about a fictitious character but nonetheless he is a lot like you and me. If you are someone who is wired like this you have a great responsibility to steward what you've been given. Tower buzzers are needed in our world. The world needs all types. However, the tower buzzing hits much closer to home for me. I have lived it and still do. It usually is misunderstood. It's happened to me dozens of times. It still happens today. However, I have grown more secure in my tower buzzing so I don't really pay a lot of attention to naysayers. You shouldn't either.

  Passion, conviction and strong-will should not be confused with anger, closed-mindedness and stubbornness. Too many times this happens. I am a results driven person and I want to succeed and help others. When you know a person, you really know what drives them. For me it's about love and justice. Two reasons which will drive me until I take my last breath. My God has molded and shaped me. Love and justice are what God wants too. I want to be about what He wants. My latest self-reflection has brought these things to the forefront of what I want to see in my world. Justice and love go hand in hand. We need more of both in our world.

 There is nothing wrong with buzzing the towers in your work, school, church, community and neighborhood. I actually encourage it. People may say you need to follow a certain approach to how it's done. I beg to differ. Find your own approach. Be original. Succeed or fail on your own terms based on your own agenda. Figure out what motivates you and what you want to see change. Come up with a plan. Implement said plan. Follow through and don't look back. Tower buzzers don't want to be put in a box. I am not a disrespectful person nor do I want to hurt others. Like I wrote above, it's about love and justice for me. Go buzz the towers around you and bring change. Remember it's about the dash!

When Tragedy Comes to Town

 This time of the year most grammar school-aged children are getting ready for Christmas. They are waiting for St. Nick to make his appearance and leave presents for them under the tree. Their little minds are so full of imagination, so innocent and naive. The Christmas song, "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" is playing in their homes and in their heads. Their little minds can't think of anything else. As of last Friday there were eleven days until Christmas morning. The countdown to wrapping paper being strewn all over living rooms everywhere was on. Kids all over the world love this time of the year. The little boys and girls in Newtown, CT at Sandy Hook Elementary are no different. They are like your kids and mine. Little did they know when some of them left their homes on that fateful Friday morning they would never see their families again. They'd never open another Christmas present. Little did they know the evil, which entered the world more than two thousand years ago in a garden, would rear its ugly and detestable head and steal the innocent and precious of all humanity through a troubled soul. Tragedy doesn't begin to describe the horror which took place.

 I don't pretend to know what these people in Newtown are feeling. What do you do when tragedy comes to your town? I have never experienced something so heinous and deplorable. I have never seen evil like this up close. I hope I never have to. Personally, I don't have ties to the area but some of my family do. These sweet people from this quaint and quiet, tight-knit town of 27,000 people don't need my pity. However, they need my prayers. They need yours too. They need space to grieve and yet they need our support in any way possible. As a parent you grieve for other parents. They are dealing with feelings and emotions no parent should have to consider. I know children were not the only people to die in this massacre. We grieve for all of the lives lost and look to find ways to help the people left behind pick up the pieces and find the healing they so desperately need.

 One of the common reactions when these types of events occur is to start bringing up conversations around gun control. It happened again after the movie theater massacre in Aurora, the shooting at the mall in Oregon and once again it has today. I don't own a gun today and didn't grow up around guns. I did, however, grow up around cars and video games. Just look at the recent tragedy in Dallas when one Cowboys' player killed the other because he got behind the wheel of a car after a night of drinking. The link to video games and violence is astounding. Do an Internet search and you will see what I mean. There is much more going on here than guns ending up in the wrong hands. The moral decay of society is alarming. Furthermore, we have become an over-tolerant society all because we are afraid to offend. The change needs to start in people's hearts. That's what needs our attention. If we want to make a difference we need to go to the heart of people. Unfortunately, evil will continue to exist. Hate may win some battles but love wins in the end. Ironically, Ludacris' namesake and words are not so, well, ludicrous. Love will win in the end and there will be no more tears or pain. Evil will be defeated once and for all!

 One of the other common results of this evil violence is fear. After something of this evil magnitude, any of us could simply lock ourselves in our homes and only come out when we needed food, water or clothing. We could run away and hide. Fear is paralyzing. When we give into it we are accepting defeat. We have chosen not to believe the truth in our hearts. We have chosen to let circumstances rule our lives. Our judgment gets clouded. We lose our focus. We forget the reason for our faith. Living in fear is a choice. We can choose fear or faith. I know it's not easy. I don't pretend to think it is. However, what message would I send my kids if I decided not to send them to school tomorrow? Fear will have won and that's not going to happen. I've already reached out to the administration at my kids' school to see how I can help. I'll get involved and I'll do all I can. My focus is clear. Fear is not an option because evil will not prevail. It has already lost.

 So, how do we move on after evil invades our towns? What can we do as a nation to reach out to our fellow human beings? More importantly, how do all of the people around the country affected by these evil events move forward? Well, inaction is definitely not the solution. I can get involved in my own community. I can start my own non-profit specifically designed to benefit families affected by evil and violence. I can lead prayer vigils. I can start with one kindness act after another. There is a lot I can do but like anything else it's a choice. The assailant, while obviously troubled, made a choice. His choice to display evil for whatever reason has now changed the lives of families and this community forever. How can any of them possibly set foot in THAT Sandy Hook Elementary ever again? That building will always remind them of the horror. We as a nation need to rally behind our fellow citizens in Newtown. We need to help them heal even from afar.

 When evil such as this occurs people ask a lot of questions. They also can allow doubt and anger to creep into their hearts and minds. It's easy to be angry and it's easy not to forgive. If we allow anger and unforgiveness to fester we can become hardened and bitter. Just ask Robert Parker whose daughter Emilie, 6, died in this evil act. He tearfully and poignantly spoke about how much she meant to them. Parker said that his daughter always had something kind to say about everyone. There he was out in front of the media telling the world he wasn't angry. He is an example to us all as was she in how she lived. No one will forget her. Forgiveness is part of the healing process. For some of us it takes much longer. Let us remember all of the people who perished in this unthinkable evil massacre and that means the assailant as well. All of their lives were cut short. Forgiving will be hard. Letting go of anger will be hard. But in order to heal everyone must find their way through this. This time of the year we celebrate the birth of our Savior. He is the answer to all of this evil. Remember, it's about the dash!

Finding Success When We Fail

  It was a sultry, summer night and perfect for the greatest game on earth. You could see the last remaining flickers of light in the sky from the penetrating sun which drove the thermometer past 90 degrees earlier in the day. All of the boys of summer were getting ready to play. Game time was close at hand. He stared at me through the fence of the third base dugout. Bobby (not his real name) was getting ready to tell me something. His big brown eyes started to fill up as he uttered the words, "Coach, I can't hit, coach. When am I going to get a hit, coach?" Bobby was plagued with self-doubt at times. Baseball is as much mental as it is physical ability. However, Bobby had something that every coach, no matter where he or she is on this planet, loves more than talent and ability. He had heart. And no ability can ever supplant that in my book. His heart was the key to his success.

 I'd take nine Bobby's because not only did he have heart and determination but he had a teachable spirit. He was about five feet tall with dark brown hair. Bobby was adopted but didn't play like he was mad at the world. It didn't seem to bother him. Maybe it is what saved him. Regardless, he was playing on the All-Star team we had selected to represent our town in the district tournament. He could play a great outfield and was a coach's dream attitude-wise but to Bobby he was living a nightmare in the batter's box. Hitting equates to playing and in his 11-year old mind he didn't measure up. Little did he know he had won his coach's heart over in short order. He had my respect. You can't measure heart.

 You see Bobby equated success to getting hits. And while the purist of all baseball purists would agree, he however brought something more than hits to his team. He brought passion, fight, and a willingness to want to improve his skills. He gave one hundred percent all of the time. He listened. He hustled. He got dirty. He failed, succeeded and he left it all on the field. He was a success regardless of how many hits he did or did not get. Even as he struggled hitting and at times was over-matched Bobby never gave up. He kept working and working and working in practice. Baseball is a failure sport anyway. If you get a hit three out of ten times you are considered a success. Any math major can figure that to be less than half. Bobby may have fell short of hits but made up for it in more ways any coach could ask. Success was his. He took full advantage of his opportunity. His heart was leading him home.

 We live in a society very similar to being in the batter's box. We equate success like baseball does with base hits. Failure is less and less tolerated. Results are king. If and when you do fail people may say, "Well, you should have done this or should have done that." "I would not have done it that way." "I would have done it like this." "I would not have taken such a risk." I believe if you haven't failed then you haven't tried to push things to the edge. You haven't taken enough risks. There are different levels of risk but nonetheless they are what they are. Failure is not a bad word. It can be a gift. Trust me, I know. I hope you do too. If you don't then get back to the drawing board. Action is needed!

 There are certain aspects of our world where failure cannot happen. There are certain circles where it is not permitted. I know it and so do you. Failure of the government and our elected officials is not acceptable. We vote people in or out based on results. Well, sometimes not. I guess it depends on what your perspective is. Pardon my digression. Failure of our military is not to be tolerated. There are too many people's lives and livelihoods at stake for each. There's no doubt our elected officials (all of them) have big room for improvement. Our military put their lives in harm's way more than we could ever know. They'd be the first to tell you failure is not an option. There is too much at stake for that to be tolerated. I get it. I think we all do.

 The kind of success and failure I'm talking about has to do with what we do with the talents, abilities and gifts we've been given. It has to do with not limiting yourself because of fear of failure or of what others might think or say. People will come against your risks because it upsets their world. It makes them feel uncomfortable. Go for it. In the end it'll benefit everyone. It pushes people even when they don't want to be pushed. When you let geography, family, career or friends dictate what you can or cannot risk then you limit yourself. Neither success nor failure are reached and that does more harm than good. Bobby failed more than he succeeded in the batter's box. So did Willie Mays so he was in good company. Bobby ultimately learned to respect himself. That was great for his coach to see. It was a sweet victory in the end. Don't limit success to just results. When you fail you learn along the way. Knowledge and experience are gained. Life's a marathon. Remember, it's about the dash.

"The Dash"; My Voice, One Year Later

  It's been one year since my first blog post. I can't believe how fast the time has gone. Since "The Dash" began August 20, 2011, so many things have changed. Relationships have been formed, community has been enriched and I am a different person than I was when I published my first post. I have experienced success and failure. I have had great moments and tough times. I am no different than you. My family and I have grown closer and as a result our core strengthened. I have published 29 posts during this time. I didn't really have a set number of posts in mind when I created "The Dash" but chose topics personal to me and my life. It's hard to believe but I look back favorably and have seen how the blog has really helped me grow. I have never been one to shy away from telling it like it is or at least telling people what I think. This blog is my voice uncensored and straight from the heart. I don't think I know any other way. Maybe you like my style and maybe you don't. Either way it's okay. However, I am excited about the year to come. I want to take it to another level. There is no other option.

  I have done the blog in different ways. I gave you my take on events, TV programs, politics, life and sports. I talked about personal success and failures. I changed things up and went to a series format. Community was a big topic as was family. I wrote about what it means to have the guts to tell people something to their face and not hide behind social media or e-mail. Everything I write I believe. Everything I write I desire to live. People often comment back to me positive stuff. I am thankful for that. People have encouraged me to keep writing and sharing what's inside. I am thankful for their words. This year has been a whirlwind in different ways personally. It has been a roller coaster of sorts. A lot of you know what trials my family and I have faced. I am sure you have faced your own. Although it was not life and death stuff of the physical nature, it sure played a role in developing me as a man, husband, dad, brother, uncle and friend. We all have them (trials). It's really just a question of what we are going to do when they occur. The blog gave me an outlet to explore and express. Trials came my way and this blog was created. It was always there. The timing was perfect.

  The one thing I love about "The Dash" is it is mine. It was born inside because of who God made me. He gets all of the credit. It was His gift to me. He created the desire in me to communicate. He has given me the tools. I am just putting them into practice. I am not a fit-into-a-box kind of person. Structure can be great but it can also suffocate life. As important as order is we must not lose spontaneity. Creativity must be encouraged. One thing most of you know is that I want to see other people become who their Creator destined them to be. However, I don't think there is a formula for it. I don't think it can be manufactured. I won't force it. I want to be original. I have my own thoughts, dreams, takes, issues, problems, joys, trials and triumphs. I think deep down inside you all do too. We all have different ways to bring it to fruition. We all have different methods and avenues in which to influence and encourage others. There is no single best way. The blog helps me keep dreaming about what's to come and help encourage others in their own pursuits. "The Dash" will forever be long after I am gone. What are you doing with yours?

  So, what's next for "The Dash". Well, I am going to keep on publishing my voice. I know I am going to continue in the format I have recently adopted. However, I want to be able to expand the reach of it. I want to extend its platform. I want to find new ways for people to get a taste. This blog is my one thing. It's part of who I am and I will do it with excellence. I once heard a quote from a movie where one person said to another, "with great power comes great responsibility." I am sure you superhero buffs out there can figure out what movie I am referring to. In any case I think this saying holds true for bloggers like me. I have the power to write really whatever I want. I can rip people six ways to Sunday and not have a care in the world. I have a choice every time I sit down to write my next post. I choose to move forward and speak the truth in a positive way. I am excited about what is to come with "The Dash". My next series will focus on success versus failure. There is much to discuss on this topic. I hope you will tune in. Thank you for your readership. Remember, it's about the dash.

Communication 101: Final Family Talk

  In this final installment regarding communication I saved the most important for last. It may be last but it needs to be a priority in our lives. Communication amongst the family is a challenge. Sometimes it is a challenge between two married people, siblings, parents, grandparents, in laws...and on and on in families it goes. Communication, while necessary, is a struggle for a lot of us. And we have the hardest time communicating with those closest to us. Maybe you don't fall into this category. Bravo to you and yours. Sometimes communicating is too hard. Sometimes we expect others to know how we feel and think. While I don't believe completing your wife or husband's sentences because you have been around them so long is a bad thing, there is still a danger when we rely on this and not work on keeping everything out in the open. It's about full disclosure. It's a must for any and all families. The art of communicating takes practice. Our families need it. They won't survive without it.

  Do you ever wonder why it's much harder to talk to people you have known for a long time? Yet you could walk up to a stranger and carry on a conversation as if you were long lost friends. I read a quote that sums it up well. It reads, "Those whom we most love are often the most alien to us." Ouch. That one stings! Maybe there is a study out there as to why. I'd love to know more. That's not really the point though. Communication within the family unit is a great challenge. There are times when it runs like a well-oiled machine and times when it's a struggle to put a few sentences together. As a society we communicate less verbally. I talked about it in my social media and e-mail post a bit ago. The bottom line is we need to do a better job talking with and to those closest to us. It's not really optional. It's necessary and the family unit needs it now more than ever. Families are faced with great challenges every day. Communication can help. It will take more than the ol' college try. It will take a lifetime but without it there can be no life.

  I have spent the last almost 15 years married to a spectacular, beautiful woman. With all of the beauty we still have not arrived with our communication. I'm sure you all can relate. It takes work. It takes effort. It takes intentionality on both parts. Married couples sometime lose the desire to talk. Busy jobs, busy kids--not really good excuses but nonetheless it's a reality for most. I told my wife the other day that she and I needed to get away--just the two of us. We need to make it happen. It's for the best. The season we are in is different than others before. Maybe there exists some laziness or better yet complacency in these relationships. Great adjectives but bad results produced. Your relationship comes first. It's priority number one. It needs to be first. Without it running at a high level it can create more obstacles.

  That's not the only family communication however. Extended and immediate families get bigger the older we get. If you are like me you live away from your immediate and extended families. Even if you live close there are always challenges. For more than half of my life I have lived away from my siblings and close family. It's just been my path. I am willing to go wherever and I have had a lot of love and help along the way. However, it makes it more important to talk about the critical things. The lines need to stay open. Decisions your family members make are not fodder for gossipy chatter. No one should communicate ideas for family members and not involve them in the conversation. It's a pitfall sometimes we all have stumbled upon. This can be better. There is too much sweat equity. It's easy to be a Monday Morning QB--been there myself. This can change. It is a must.

  Recently there was a major breakup in the Hollywood world. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were all over the news (ad nauseum I must add) for their split. There was speculation about anything and everything. His beliefs, her beliefs, her family, his work, her friends...the list goes on and on. It's probably a little of each of those things but in the end one thing seems to keep going round and round in my head: I think they stopped talking. I think at some level they just stopped laying all of their cards on the table. I am a firm believer that to lead any group you must first be able to lead your own family. We must talk about our dreams as much as our disappointments. It always makes us feel better when we let it out. Family talk needs practice. There's no such thing as too much communication. More will avert catastrophes and years of resentment and bitterness. With time, honest speak and forgiveness a family revival can take place. I love to see them happen. There is nothing like seeing a family saved. It's worth it folks. Remember, it's about the dash.

Communication 101: Public Speaking

  There are different large group settings we find ourselves in where we "have the floor" and need to communicate a point or a set of points. It's our turn to speak. We have something to say and hopefully it comes out the way we planned. Maybe we don't have a plan. We need to get one quick. I have found myself in these situations many, many times. The more I do it the more comfortable I feel. How about you? Do you like to speak to a group where every eye is on you? Over time I have felt much more at ease. Practice makes perfect. There is something stimulating about delivering a message to a group of people. Last night was one of those times. You never know when they are going to happen. So, you have to be ready to communicate. All eyes are on you. Every word, every emotion, every facial expression are dissected. It's your time. You open your mouth. Everyone is listening. The floor is yours.

  I mentioned last night was one of those times for me. In my case I was speaking to a great group of boys as their baseball coach. Gosh, I love baseball. It brings me so much joy. I can see me being involved in it for as long as I am breathing. However, I digress. There were different times before, during and after the game I spoke to the entire group. After the game (an exhausting, heart stopping, mind blowing game) I gathered all of the kids around and the parents were there too. There were about 30 of us standing outside the third base dugout. I was getting ready to address the team. We were all so tired. This game took everything from us. Everyone was exhausted. I needed to say something and simple was the call I sensed. I composed myself but my emotions let me say about five words. I said, "I am proud to have coached you boys tonight." As I spoke those words my voice cracked and my eyes begin to tear up. I composed myself. There was more to say. Their tough coach was broken but as proud as could be. It was special and we all knew it.

  Have you ever had moments like I just described? Speaking to large groups sometimes brings the best out of our words. Maybe your emotions get the best of you like they did me. I am cool with it. People wear their heart on their sleeve. That's me. Often we say things profound. Other times we would like to rewind and start over. I think a lot of us are intimidated by larger group setting. Why is that? Well, public speaking is one of the biggest fears most people have. Even the most confident of all people find themselves nerve racked from time to time. I remember the first sermon I delivered. It was crazy. Everyone waiting for me to say something. People listening (hopefully more listening and less sleeping) to my points. I had two shots at it though. The first one went well and the second one too. I knew I could do it. Yes, we are talking about practice.

  I guess speaking to large groups is an art. More of us can do it but I guess the fear wins out sometimes. We all have a point to make. We have something profound to say. They say to pretend everyone you are speaking to is in their underwear. I don't know about you but that's a scary proposition. I know, I know it is meant to be lighthearted. I get it. I took a public speaking class in college and got an A-. Apparently this professor gives out few A's. I didn't get the A because of how well I spoke but rather because I gave 16 speeches throughout the semester. I just kept going up there and giving it the ol' college try. No pun intended.

   You were created to communicate. Whether you are speaking to your family, friends, a room full of strangers or a group of baseball players, you have the floor. Your time is now. People love a good communicator. One of my favorites was Ronald Reagan. Never mind political affiliations here. He was just very good at communicating a point. He didn't pull punches and told it like it was. I like his kind of communication. I want to emulate it. Who do you like to listen to? Who is someone you want to emulate? Study him or her and practice, practice, practice. One day you may have a group of baseball players to address. Maybe you will have a nation to address. Oh, to dream big! Don't stop talking to people. Defeat your fear of public speaking. Your voice is important. Remember, it's about the dash!

Communication 101: Social Media's Trap

  Part of what makes us who we are is our ability (or supposed ability) to communicate with another human being. Last post I talked about the dangers of going below the line and using e-mail to communicate an objection or a problem you have with someone in your life or in your kids'. Sending an e-mail to your congressperson or newspaper editor is one thing. Sending a stream of consciousness verbal assault over the Internet to a friend, family member, teacher, pastor, coach, etc. usually is followed up with regrets. An apology should come next. While e-mail can be useful in speeding up our ability to communicate it often leaves people wondering what tone you meant or intimated. That my friends is a problem. It's a problem but only begins to scratch the surface on the deeper issues concerning abuse of social media.

  Social media, while useful in helping folks stay in touch, communicate new happenings to a bigger audience and re-connecting of old friends and family, has some human challenges. You know, humans do the typing and hit send. Sometimes we might wish we could have a do-over. In themselves e-mail and social media are great things. I believe they were created for good allowing folks like you and me get things done quicker and possibly more efficiently. They also help us, get ready...communicate! However, when you add the human element to any of these items things can turn out nasty. There is a common denominator as to why and here is a little hint: it's not everyone else. Issues can and should be resolved. People need to hold one another accountable. Resolution needs to be brought. Forgiveness usually ushers in a resolution of some sort. I love it when that happens. We can certainly hope for the best but a little self control and personal responsibility can go a long, long way. Climb on board the socially responsible train. There's lots of seats!

  Facebook, Twitter, My Space (is it still around?), Hi5 and Last.FM (the latter are used more in South America and the UK, respectively) are most of the major sites. You also have YouTube and Flickr which are more video and picture oriented. There are others but those are the major ones. In the end all of these can be used for good. However, a lot of time they are not. Personally, I have been on Facebook for about three years. I had always resisted it because I didn't think it would really make a difference. I looked at it in a negative way initially. All of that changed in 2009 when I joined a few friends on a teaching mission trip to Denmark. I met a lot of people and wanted to keep in touch. I had established some good friendships during the week I was there. I didn't want them to end. So, Facebook helps me stay in touch with them. I am forever grateful for how it keeps me connected. Do you remember why you joined a social media site? I'm sure it was for something good initially. If you find yourself going below the line on a particular site then maybe it's time to re-evaluate your existence on it. It's time well spent or at least it can be. We have to give it a shot. It won't hurt to try.

  Often times I use Facebook to give my opinion of something which happened in our country or around the world. While I may ruffle some feathers with my opinion I try my hardest to stay above the line. Things of the political nature are a challenge for me I will admit. I am a work in progress in this area. I will edit my posts before hitting send if they come across too harsh. Do I always get it right? Yes and no. I try to take the same advice I give out. A re-evaluation of my Facebook use is in process. I am not the "don't do as I say not to do but I'm doing it anyway" kind of person. My heart is to be a good example. I hope to keep above the line with my posts. Sometimes people don't need to know what you think. That's a challenge for me at times. In the end though I think my use of social media is pretty positive. I have heard horror stories of people using social media for personal vendettas. Ignorant Twitter posts and Facebook wars seem to be par for some folks' course. This is an immature tendency. Whatever happened to working out our differences in person? If you can't see them pick up the phone. Taking to social media to air out dirty laundry is unadviseable and inexcusable. If tempted to do so remember this phrase: Step Away From the Computer!

  None of us are perfect. I am the first to admit my own inadequacies. I think we have become heavily reliant on electronic communication. I am all for advances in technology. I think technology and more specifically social media were created for the good. It is like anything else--its greatness is judged by how we use it. We can turn anything bad originally created for the good. Maybe it's time to start a new trend. Like most things the negative is always brought to light. Whatever sells more newspapers and magazines and boosts website views and TV ratings unfortunately takes center stage. It's an issue we as a society need to overcome. All of that for another day though. Let's all do our part and use Facebook, Twitter and the like for the ways they were created for. I am in if you are. Keep the dirty laundry in-house. Air it out amongst the parties involved. Resolve, forgive and move on. It will be much better. There are some things everyone else doesn't really need to know. Remember, it's about the dash!

Communication 101--How to Stay Above the Line

  This next series of posts is related to the topic of communication. For the next three posts I am going to talk about communicating better and why I believe, with all of the tools we have in 2012 to communicate, we have digressed in this area. Communicating with people has gotten worse my friends and I am not happy about it. Why is the case? Well, there are lots of reasons and we will talk about them over this next series. One of the things I have always strived to do with excellence (and I continue to work at it) is communicate with other people. Whether I had a particular beef with a person or had some thoughts or ideas about a topic or situation, I had always done my best to either talk in person or pick up the phone and talk. Unfortunately people are choosing the wrong methods to communicate their thoughts to others. There is one method people seem to use very often when they have a problem with someone and quite frankly it is the worst choice ever. I'm not sure why people do it. I have yet to figure it out. E-mail is this method and some people out of control. People are dipping below the line of doing the right thing. It's an epidemic. Kill them with kindness and truth. That's how we make the change. We can all do it minus one e-mail at a time.

 My roles in the community this past year left me vulnerable to drawing people's ire. Not everyone will agree with my way of doing things. People have their disagreements. That's fine with me--to a point however. There is a proper way to do it. Showing others respect is a lost art. I want to share two examples of the wrong way to communicate. Maybe you have been the recipient of these e-mails yourself. Maybe you have sent these type of e-mails. I am not here to judge. That is for someone else. Hopefully my tone will reflect my desire for people to stop acting like cyber-bullies and start acting like human beings. Sending an e-mail to a company complaining about their product you bought is different. E-mailing your congressperson to express your dissatisfaction with their policy decisions is different. These are not the examples I am referring to. There are times when e-mail is appropriate provided you show respect. I think common sense should kick in. Unfortunately, some folks lack this basic life skill. It's contagious like a cold these days.

  As most of you know baseball is one of my greatest passions. I love to play. At this point in life I do more coaching and I love it too. This past year was a very challenging year as a coach. I had a lot of "personalities" to deal with. It was my greatest coaching challenge yet. One of those "personalities" happened to be a parent. I know--we are all shocked by this. That's for another time though. About halfway through the season he sent me an e-mail basically ripping me as a coach and hinting that his kid needed to pitch more. So, I picked up the phone and called him. He wouldn't return my calls. I e-mailed him asking him to call me. His silence was deafening. He was pretty good at ripping me via e-mail. However, he lacked the guts to do it to my face. I told him so. He chose the wrong method of communication. I had to tell him so too. He didn't care. People like this guy won't learn. Maybe one day they will realize how wrong they are. Until then they will keep on alienating any and every volunteer coach. There is a common denominator here. The mirror says it all.

  The other instance came in my role as PTA president. We had begun our spring fundraiser. It was the first of its kind here in the county we live in. It was called Boosterthon. The kids needed to get sponsors for the Fun Run they would participate in at the conclusion of the fundraiser. One parent objected. I expected it. However, he chose e-mail to communicate his thoughts. He wrote things I guarantee he wouldn't have the guts to say to my face. I told him so. I tried to explain the proper way to handle an issue. A simple e-mail asking me to give him a call would have served better. I told him so. He is a constant complainer I am told. He doesn't like much and finds something wrong with anything and everything. That's an awful way to live. I asked him to help us or to come out to the Fun Run. He did neither. He'd decided to sit behind his computer and type a bunch of words rather than talk face to face. He chose incorrectly. I told him so. He went below the line. Life doesn't seem too fun when you are in that place. I'm not sure how he does it.

 The bottom line my friends is we have become extremely reliant on e-mail. It can prove to be a huge time saver in many instances. However, it has also given some people the green light to say whatever comes to mind. Maybe we should all make a note to self: E-mail is not for you to give us all your stream of consciousness for the day. Save that diatribe for your journal entries. Use e-mail when it makes sense. E-mail your congressperson. E-mail the company whose product you bought broke when it said it would last forever. Do it with the right heart though. Don't e-mail your teachers, pastors, Little League coaches, PTA presidents, neighbors, principals, or any like them when you have a beef. Ask to see them. Call them and ask for an appointment. Give them a heads up. Don't send gutless e-mails to them. You negate everything you say when you choose such a method. You look foolish and ridiculous. Those two parents set a bad example for their own families and kids. I told them so. Communication is an art. It is not easy. We have to work harder folks. Step away from the computer. Pick up the phone and call a meeting. Make the time! Remember, it's about the dash!

Community Through My Eyes--The Family

  The family unit can and should be the bread and butter for all other community existing in our world today. Without healthy families the communities which branch out from them will not flourish. Neighborhoods, schools, churches, other non-profits, other for-profits will all fail if the family community is not running on all cylinders. One might think this is a rather extreme statement but my experience out and about has told me otherwise. Healthy families make the world go round so to speak. They put the spark in our neighborhoods, schools, and other groups and organizations all over the world. Is there a perfectly healthy family out there? My experience out and about would also tell me no. I don't need to look any further than my own. Should that stop us from trying to work as hard as we can to be perfect families? I would hope not. However, if we all just accept the fact that families will never be perfect and quit working on making them better then we will never bring the change our world needs. If for nothing else we need to teach our children how to make a difference. The world they are growing up in is becoming more tolerant of everything meaningless and less life-changing of what connects people together. The families hold a very important key. It's time we all start opening some new doors.

  Almost two years ago (one month shy of our two year anniversary) my family and I decided to move to North Carolina. Most of you reading this already knew that. However you don't know all of our thought process in arriving at this decision. In some ways the idea of family played a huge part in signing off on this new adventure. Yes, we moved away from a lot of our families and great friends to a place where we knew virtually no one. On the surface people might say this is crazy. Well, call me and my family crazy! Our family needed a recalibration. I felt like the five of us needed to become closer on a deeper level. In order for us to open new doors now and in the future there were some things my wife and I had to experience. There were some things our three children needed to experience. We all have done that in different ways. We rely on each other greatly and each one of us has grown in specific areas. We are not perfect however. There is more to do and learn. We have grown together in the last two years through good and bad times. We continue to build up one another and continue in our search for the purposes for now and the future. And the five of us are on the adventure of a lifetime.

  So, what's wrong with our families today? Why is there such a disconnect between the different members of all of our families? For starters we have allowed the world to dictate how, when, why and what we do. We have let society drive our purpose and we have become more like passengers on a train. Let me ask all of us a question: When was the last time you had a sit-down dinner and just talked without iPhones buzzing or the television blaring? Having a sit-down dinner might not be possible because everyone may live in a different place. Those situations are out there no doubt. I am talking about the family who all live under the same roof and don't stop for 15 minutes to just be a family. It is needed greatly and kudos to you if you are amongst those who do. We need to pray together, laugh and have fun together, eat and watch a movie together. In this fast paced world we need to do more of all of those things. Time well spent together will not only create memories within but will catalyze the change needed all around. It's the kind of wholesome change a family can bring to a world desperate for feeling alive.

 There are certainly many more things we could look at in terms of what is wrong with families. However, I want to focus on what can be done when families work together. It is rather easy to sit back and list a myriad of reasons why families are failing. The glass half empty approach has never been my calling card. I see the greatness in families. I see the potential families have to make a difference in this world. I see other kids in my surrounding community who come from broken families. Maybe their mom left or they have not seen their dad for many years. Some are absent even when present. I think those are the kind that hurt the most. In any case families need to take back what's been let go over the years. Spend the time together on a deeper level. Come up with a family mission and vision statement. As I was typing this post I had that exact thought for my own family. It's going to happen. You can count on it my friends.

  Families will make a mark for sure as the years move ahead. Our world won't survive without healthy community at home. Take charge of your family today. Whatever your family situation there is always hope. Hope must bring a call to action however. Action is brought about by a fuel called passion. When we become passionate about anything, we want nothing more than to see it come to fruition. Passions turn things from bad to good. I want to see healthy families and I am going to continue working on my own. These blog posts inspire me to do better. They cause me to look in the mirror and perform a gut check. Am I the best dad and husband/best friend I can be? No, I am not. Has my family arrived as the end-all-be-all of families? No, we have not. We must stay the course and set sail on the waters of change. Our Captain is in control and we are following His lead. Families are forever. We must not flinch. They must be protected. Families must bring needed change. Are you and your family on board? I hope so. We need you. Remember, it's about the dash!

Community Through My Eyes--The Schools

  I know this topic sort of falls under the same category as my last post. Seeing that it is my blog I got to trump the boss' decision and not write about the scheduled, "community as it relates to the family." It is great being able to change things up on the fly. Back to the topic at hand. The schools are in our neighborhoods just as non-profit organizations are (which I wrote about in my last post). Schools are great places with great people young and older. Because of my involvement in the school community I was able to witness something so rich this past week and it blew me away. As the PTA President of my girls' school, Cleveland Elementary, I, along with my fellow Board members and school administration decided to have a very different spring fundraiser. It went against what everyone knew in the past and it brought a lot of excitement and fun to our school. There was a gem in all of this too. It was something I will never forget. You find these often when the motives of the heart are about bringing real goodness and joy to others. I can say for sure this was one of those times.

  Some of you out there may have heard of an organization called Boosterthon. They are an organization of special people full of energy and do a great job of being a presence inside of a school's community for about two weeks. They come up with a new focus or adventure theme every year. This year was Epic Adventure. The word "epic" served as an acronym (encourage, play, invite, celebrate). Each day a team from Boosterthon would be out at car pool, go inside the classrooms, bring coffee in for teachers and staff and really immerse themselves into the school community. Their trips to the classroom are short and sweet and the acronym plays a part in their short lessons. All of this is capped off by a Fun Run designed to raise money for the school. Students get sponsored to run a certain amount of laps around a track distance of one-sixteenth of a mile. One huge plus is each school that does this fundraiser gets to keep fifty-two percent of the profit while the company keeps forty-eight. You don't see that too often. Anyway the fun was about to begin.

  This past Thursday I took the day off from work to be a part of the student Fun Run. Anything having to do with exercise (running in particular), people, community, fun and music gets me every time. It was cool to see each team (teacher and class) be introduced and run out from the mobile tunnel setup. It was the kids' Super Bowl moment. Everyone was being recognized. All of the kids wore the free t-shirt they were given and all students were allowed to run in the Fun Run even if they did not get any pledges. These people are about inclusion rather than exclusion. That kind of thinking is a winner in my book. There were three different Fun Runs that day. Six grades (K-5) ran with two grades going at a time on the two tracks setup. I had a blast running with the kids and mingling with everyone. They had a different song for every lap. I didn't want the day to end. I stopped for a moment and took it all in. It was overwhelming at times but the best news was yet to come.

  Later that night I attended the Johnston County school administration and PTA dinner at a local high school. As I was standing in line getting some food the principal of our school shared some good news. First, one of the parents who had complained about having to have his daughter get pledges showed up to the event and had a blast. His whole attitude did an about-face. He saw the whole program for what it was. He complimented us on a job well done. That was nice to hear. It brought a school community together for a day of fun and excitement. It made everyone owners of a community that could not be shaken. It was ours and we were sharing it together. I wished more people could have been a part of it. It was cool! The next story is what makes these kinds of events all worth it. Every community event has them. Nothing could prepare me for what I was about to hear.

 As I inched closer to where the food was the principal told us an amazing story of a troubled third-grade boy. People have a hard time accepting him and he has trouble relating to others. She said he is viewed as an outcast. I'm sure you hear stories like this yourself in different walks of life. The principal told me this young boy told his teacher "this was the best day of his life." He said, "for the first time ever he felt like he had friends." I stood there speechless. I thought, this was the best day of his life? You mean he never had a birthday party he liked better? Did ever have a birthday party? The day he was born was not a great day in his mind? Apparently not. I didn't know what to say and the words were hard to find. I couldn't believe my ears and felt my eyes begin to well up with tears. As awesome as it was to hear it broke my heart. This is part of why I get involved in my community. Making a difference in a child's life makes it all worth it. I hope this story encourages you to be a participant and not a spectator in your school community. Our schools are filled with great kids. There are gems everywhere. Some are troubled. Some are crying for help. Some just want to belong. It's never too late to jump in. Remember, it's about the dash!

Community Through My Eyes--The Neighborhoods

  One of the thoughts I went away thinking about during my blog break and makeover was how I could come up with topics specifically designed for creating a series of posts. Instead of bouncing around from week to week or post to post with different topics I want to create a series of posts connected to a common theme. The length of each theme will vary and I am very excited about this new format. I have many interests and have a lot to say about a variety of things. I am sure you have already figured that out. In any case I went away and thought about the different topics I have great love for and some I feel challenged by. I came back with one I love dearly. It is something I am extremely passionate about. It is a word that gets thrown around in different circles (sometimes, ad nauseum) and so many of us are desperately seeking it. The word is community and it means the world to me. For the next few posts I am going to lay out for you my thoughts on community as it relates to family, work, friends and neighborhoods (although not in that order). Who is your community? Better yet, what is your community? Here is my take as it relates to the neighborhood.

  This past weekend I was a part of something fantastic. I saw community in the neighborhoods come together in a way that brought chills to my body. One of the organizations I have been a part of ever since we moved to North Carolina back in 2010 is the Greater Cleveland Athletic Association. It is where my kids play their sports and I coach. Over the weekend we held, "Opening Day Ceremonies" for the baseball program and it was a blast. I saw people from all different neighborhoods in the Cleveland area come together for a common purpose. All of us were sharing in the moment of kicking off the baseball season and it was awesome. It was a spectacular sunny and warm day here in our neck of the woods. There were bouncy slides, music, team mascots, food and a whole bunch of people hanging out together. I'd say there were about seven or eight hundred people in attendance. This was community with a cause. We all shared a common theme and were excited to be there. It was not contrived or manufactured but simply was. That is my kind of community. No artificial flavoring but simply natural. And it left a taste in my mouth for more.

  Each team and coach were announced and lined up on the main ballfield. Through all of the divisions there were about 20 teams. There were about 385 kids in all. That was double the amount of kids playing baseball from a year ago. I lined up at home plate with my team and then two things happened that I did not expect. First, we all paused while someone prayed and thanked God for all we had around us. It moved and spurred me. I had not been a part of a secular organization that had done something like this en masse. It was very cool. Second, we played the national anthem. The playing of the anthem was not surprising because it is common around sporting events. The thing that caught my eye was the two gentleman sitting in the bleachers on the soccer field out past the centerfield wall who turned around and saluted the flag while the anthem played. They showed an allegiance to community as all of us did as we stood there saluting our country's colors. It was a "you had to be there" moment and I was glad I was. It made me proud to be alive and left me wanting to create more of these times. Our neighborhoods were creating community and it was a perfect ten.

   Community in our neighborhoods can be a variety of things. We have done cookouts with a bunch of families around our home. Maybe you have too. It could be a gathering as I described above. Community outside our doors brings people together. It's what we need to see more of. We are all too busy. I know I get caught up sometimes. If we want to bring change to anything it has to start in our neighborhoods. No disrespect to our elected officials but this is where change begins. This is where it all happens. It starts in Your Town and Mine, USA and you and I can and should be a part of it. It is where the single mom who works herself to death to pay her bills gets her lawn mowed or driveway shoveled by her neighbors. It is where we make meals for someone's family when a life change has occurred. It is where we meet and discuss ways to make our world better. It is where we take care of our neighbor whose husband or wife is off defending our country somewhere around the world. It is where groups of men, women and children band together to support, encourage and teach. It is where I believe the greatest changes of our world will happen.

   The single most impactful thing a neighborhood offers is caring for others in a grassroots kind of way. We bog ourselves down too much with structure and "well, this is the way we always do it" kind of thinking. We need to stop trying to manufacture it. No one wants community that way. You can't force it. It kills me to see that. People want real. Your neighbors want community just as much as you do but something holds us back. Break down the walls. Fences don't make great neighbors. I don't think the person who coined the phrase knew the truth. The great thing about community in the neighborhood is you don't really have to plan it. You just live your life and look for opportunities to participate. It's what I try to do. Sure, not all of us have that social bug in us. You don't have to. Live your life and put others above yourself. It is simple but yet so hard. Community in the neighborhood is a powerful tool. It can encourage and bring hope. People are desperate for both. Don't sell yourself short or others around you. Get out there and be great. Remember, it's about the dash!

The Great Kind of Makeover

 Sometimes in life we need to make adjustments. We need to take inventory of ourselves and make some changes. One of the best things you could ever do for yourself is perform a gut check. I'm not talking about a day or two or a five minute gut check. I am talking about going deep with yourself and involving others who will speak truth to you. Most of us don't do it enough because we are afraid of what we might find. Trust me I have been there. I demand better of myself. For the last few years I have been able to look deep. It has been a wild ride. My creative fire needed to be stoked. That's just what came on the other side of the figurative operating table.

 We sometimes create new things in conjunction with our passions. This blog represents a deep passion for me. It was created because I love to write, speak publicly and motivate others. I found I could do all three through the blog. I wanted to have an outlet to write about what I believe. It has served me well thus far and I hope you have enjoyed reading my posts. I hope you might take some time to communicate your thoughts on the blog. I value your feedback and hope you have found it to be an encouragement to you as you live your dash.

 For a little while I have felt my blog needs some re-tooling. It is not out of boredom but rather trying to re-design the blog to get across a more sincere, concise and inspiring message. My overall message is a simple one. Our lives are short and we are only on this earth for a short time. Each of us will eventually pass away and we will leave behind a legacy. Our tombstone will have the year we were born followed by a dash followed by the year we passed away. The dash represents our lives. What did we do with that dash? That's really my message. Each of us has a purpose to live for in this life. Each one of us has been given certain gifts and talents. My hope is that we all use them to the fullest so we can impact people and bring change to a world that REALLY needs it.

  For the next little while I am going to spend some time re-working the blog. This will be a short period as I search and re-work the details and design. Recently I met with a young man who loves to write. I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his words. He has a message he wants to communicate and it's one that is positive and impactful. After I left my meeting with him I felt this desire to re-work the blog. I challenged him to take what he was doing to another level. I guess I am walking the walk and not just giving others advice on what they should do. I guess that's living with the dash in mind. People want realness. It is sorely lacking in our world. There is a lot that needs changing in our world--much more than some nobody's blog.

 It is my hope to return with a new and improved blog. One that may look at a series of things or topics and focus on them for a while. I want to be more consistent and tight with my message. I don't want to go through life and think everything is going great. In order to grow personally you need to look at all areas of your life and make adjustments. We may never achieve a fullness in any area but quitting or not trying to be better is the easy way out. We can't be about taking the easy road. It doesn't do what we need. It only breeds mediocrity and doesn't allow you to be the person you were destined. The blog has been and will continue to be a great outlet for me. If nothing else it lets me use my writing passion to hopefully deliver a message of inspiration to others. So, I am signing off for now but will be back soon. Remember, it's about the dash!

A Time to Say Goodbye

  One of the things I have done many times throughout my life is say goodbye. I left home for a college in Virginia and said goodbye to family and friends. I moved from Virginia to Maine to be with my then, soon to be wife, and said goodbye to friends who are like family. Our family moved from Maine to North Carolina recently and we said goodbye to family, friends and people that poured into our lives unconditionally. Needless to say saying goodbye has become a regular reality in my life. I don't like goodbyes even though I have become a pro at offering them up. I prefer, "see you on the trail." Recently I had to say goodbye or see you on the trail to a very special lady. This was a different kind of goodbye and I knew this day would come. My grandma Rose passed away February 21 and this was my first experience with death regarding someone close. She was 96 and it was her time. Death is one of those permanent goodbyes. Well, at least it is permanent for this life on earth. Death is tragic and sad. Even when you know the end is nearing you still feel death's sting. I said my goodbyes but I hang onto the memories. Not even death can take those from me.

 This was not an easy goodbye for lots of reasons. Grandma Rose and I were close. I always looked forward to seeing her on my many trips back to New York. She made a killer sausage bread, pizza and any other Italian cuisine. I love to eat and she loved to cook. Between my mother and grandmother I knew I would never go hungry. She poured herself into her grandchildren. All of us at some point were impacted by the passion she had for life. We affectionately called her Rosie. There was always a respect for her even when we called her that. Grandma Rose was a fighter. She had a will to live and overcame death's call many times. I thought she would live to be one hundred.  Even as she was dying she taught us all something. It was the spirit of never giving up. She lived a full life and gave everything to the ones she loved. I know she is in a better place free from pain and suffering. Thank God for that. I still miss her though. She was THEE grandmother of all grandmothers!

 I wrote earlier that death is tragic and I believe it is. Whether a person's death is expected or sudden it still is tragic. We miss those we love when they are gone. Their death brings to mind our own mortality and perhaps that of others we love. It gives us time to pause. I know I have done a lot of thinking over the last week or so. I don't think we ever get over death but rather we get better at living with the loss of loved ones. Death sometimes call us to action. Perhaps we make changes or turn over a new leaf. Maybe we slow down or speed up. In any case death affects those that are left behind. Sometimes there is time to prepare for it and other times there is not. The one thing that remains true is that all of us living today will one day pass away. None of us are exempt from death. It is a reality we all must face. I am not one to focus on death even when it appears to be happening all around me. Lately it has. My grandmother lived with a purpose and I intend on doing the same. Her legacy will live on.

 We have all had to say goodbye to the people we love. This is a practice all of us will continue to encounter as we live our lives. The difference between death and a geographical move is that in death people are no longer living somewhere on earth. At least with geographical moves we are still afforded the time to reach out to the ones we love. If you have someone in your life you have not talked to in a long time (for whatever reason) I encourage you to reach out to them. Soon enough they will not be here anymore. No one wants to live with regrets. They will jab at you every day and possibly turn your world upside down. Whether it is a family member, friend, neighbor or co-worker don't let time pass without reaching out your hand. Death will take that chance away from you. Don't let it win. Death's sting is painful enough. When we live with the dash in mind we hold ourselves to a higher standard. All relationships are hard no matter the level. We have to work diligently at them. Rise above all of that. Remember, it's about the dash!

 

The Tension of Talent Versus Trouble

 The death of Whitney Houston is sad. She had a remarkable smile and a voice unlike any I have ever heard in my 40 years' existence.  I remember hearing her songs on the radio as a kid growing up in the 1980's. All of her hits are still wildly popular today. She was special and died before her time. She sang the best rendition of the Star Spangled Banner I have ever heard. It will be hard for anyone to ever top it. I look at her death and mourn for her daughter. She lost her mom and that breaks my heart. I am not sure how I could even process that if I am her. It's easy to say Whitney was headed in this direction because she did drugs. I am not totally convinced. People everywhere have overcome addictions. Her life was not meaningless because of how it ended. None of us still living can look in the mirror and see a perfect reflection. Each one of us has messed up. We all still do. There is a tension that exists in our world between our gifts and talents and the inner desires to consume trouble. Both offer us something. The tension is fierce. We live in a fallen world where evil exists. I fall on the side of grace in most situations. It's easy to pile on. She was not perfect and neither are we.

  There have been countless celebrities who have gone the same way Whitney Houston did. Sometimes people cannot handle the fame and fortune. Not long ago I read Josh Hamilton's book about his own struggles with addiction. He recently had a setback in his own sobriety. Our hope should be that he does not have another one. We should be in his and everyone else's corner who are dealing with something similar. The fact that the person involved is a famous baseball player, celebrity, family member, neighbor, co-worker is irrelevant. We should be for people and be all-inclusive. We should want to help encourage others and offer any support we can. The world is full of stories of people whose lives have been cut short due to tragedy. Everyone will fall down. Everyone will mess up. Yes, there are consequences and no doubt people have to live with the choices they make. Whatever your shortcoming is, all of us live with the tension of our talents and the troubles that threaten their prosperity. We can help each other. Maybe use our talent to invest in helping someone else dispose of their demons.

  Each one of us have been given talents. We are all born into a world that needs what we have. We are all special people and each of us has a purpose to pursue. Whitney Houston's purpose was not to show people how to flush your gifts down the proverbial toilet. Anyone who dies tragically had more to give. None of us truly want to turn our lives upside down. Have you ever ended up somewhere and wondered how you got there? I know I sure have. I am sure she wondered that countless times. We always have a choice. I get that. We don't always make the "right" one though. Each one of us could use a little grace. People line up to take their shots. Now, I am not suggesting all of us run out there and live our lives foolishly and use the evil world excuse hoping people will give us a pass. I am simply stating that we all live in a world where the enticements of the dark reel us in and our lives take a detour. It has happened to me and probably to you too. All of us are weak. It's not an excuse but a fact. Those outside of the situation tend to focus on the failure and not the person. We have to see the pendulum swing the other way. It's time for that to change.

  The tension of our talents and the trouble that threatens them is real. We should understand that tidbit if we comprehend anything at all. There is good and evil in the world. The story as to why goes way back. Our lives are not easy and we can be enticed by the lures of what seems to be harmless. No matter what you may be prosperous in there is always something you lack. We all have to make choices every day of our lives. Drugs are bad but so is shaming people. Greed is wrong but so is excluding others. Anger is dangerous but so is belittling others. Any poison hurts. Does it matter which it is? Recently I watched my favorite inspirational movie, Dreamer. It is the story of one girl's belief that the people around her had talents greater than they imagined. If we are to live with the dash in mind we must choose to walk with people rather than giving them a "pep talk" on how to walk better. Getting in the trenches with others is action with purpose. I feel sad for the talent that was lost in Whitney Houston's death. She died too soon and that is sad. Reach out to others and extend your hand. It all starts there. Help cut the tension in half. Remember, it's about the dash.